Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

Also, no woman, none wants to stand up in front of work colleagues and talk about the sexual harassment and assault they've experienced. To encourage someone to do this would be inappropriate and wrong on about 15 different levels. Your boss is an idiot.

See this is a grey area. I've already pretty much outed myself now anyway but frankly I need the support from you lot so sod it?

It was actually ginny who put the idea on the table. They set up a small little phone tripod and video recorded themselves only (camera on them, can't see anyone else in the room, at least that's what we were told) when they gave their near hour long egomaniac speech about being trans and why they have it harder than any woman. I have a VERY sneaking suspicion it's for their YouTube channel, going to be touted as them giving talks in the work place about trans inclusivity, they eluded to this several times afterwards but I have no idea of their YouTube handle but I'm not ashamed to say I have been looking most evenings on YouTube to see if I can find it!

Anyway, when they set up the phone someone else piped up asking if we could all record it and the boss stared them out and said "no one else is in the recording Ginny is making it's entirely someone's choice to record themselves" so they then (covertly in fairness) recorded the audio on the apple voice notes app. So I'm really not sure where they stand, they didn't ask permission but then neither did Ginny, we were just told it's happening.

Bloody hell. Good on them for fighting back.

I didn't see you're original post OP but just wanted to say my heart goes out to you and I hope you find a new job soon so that you can leave.

It's also not true that 'no-one' is in the recording Ginny made if any of you spoke, is it? More abusive lies.

I think that the boss' response to request to record is actually permission. They could argue that they recorded it as they wanted a note of any contribution they made to the meeting.

Good luck OP. It's horrible when you find out that a boss who you thought was on your side, really isn't.

I'm so glad ACAS were helpful. Start working out a form of words you can use when giving notice and being interviewed.

Wanting to expand your skill set in ways not possible in present job.
Feeling that your existing skill set is not being fully used at present employment.
Needing to work nearer to - some place or other.
Being interested in a new work area.

Anything except the actual situation.

I’m so sorry OP.

I would try and see this as short term pain for long term gain. It’s clear Ginny is incompetent in the workplace (numerous errors) and is unable to speak professionally or appropriately to others.

If Ginny has been given such a vital client list it’s only so long before they mess up irreparably, and the company won’t be able to overlook it in the name of inclusiveness.

Can I ask why she shouldn’t be honest when giving notice? I assume she won’t do it until she has a new job lined up.

I'm guessing the OP is just wanting to get out of there with minimum drama. Also references.

I'm reading every post, thank you so much for taking the time to reply everyone I massively appreciate it!

What I hadn't expected was how isolating it feels, or like you're going crazy, or you're a horrible person for feeling how you do. You lot are making me feel like I'm not the one who's being difficult in all of this, that helps more than you know.

It's almost funny now that when Ginny joined I had apprehensions but told myself that was awful to prejudge and to really make an effort to just get along... 🤦🏻‍♀️ my mantra was don't exclude them, but don't indulge them. But it turns out you don't really have a choice in indulging them because they make their fantasies and turn ons YOUR problem, they sneak it into every conversation and interaction, they manage to shoehorn their lifestyle into the most mundane things. I'm in my mid-late 30s and I have never randomly dropped into a lunch break conversation with colleagues how my knickers are riding up, or giggling as I recount a supposed incident involving a man pushing his groin against me and telling me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen... ginny on the other hand, shares these daily.

It's choice isn't it? I feel like I have no choice in opting out of someone else's likes and lifestyle. It has no bearing on the work we do and I can't fathom how it's become the centre of everything, just like they clearly wanted.

Being honest when giving notice is important, hence the need to have some reasons worked out. But 'the truth' and 'nothing but the truth' is one thing, in a case like this 'the whole truth' is another.

It could bite the OPO on the arse if there are back channel communications between this boss and others in the same industry. Also the boss is clearly too close to the chief bully and the chief bully sounds potentially problematic- the 'apology' was prudent - not putting a target on your back is also prudent. There will be time for full disclosure once the OP is safely established elsewhere.

Thank you DeanElderberry. Makes sense.

Sounds like a nightmare OP. You are being discriminated against, gaslit and bullied. No wonder it is affecting your mental health. Wishing you all the best 💐

Appalled, but sadly unsurprised, to read this. I know of a number of colleagues - every one of them female - who have faced similar scenarios in my sector. Some of them, in view of the egregious circumstances surrounding their loss of livelihood, have made national news.

It happened to my dearest friend. A trans person joined their organization but refused to follow the basic procedures, processes and protocols for their specific area, insisting that they knew better. Existing staff members tried to guide them, pointing out as tactfully as they could that if those protocols were not adhered to this would not get past the external adjudicators, and could actually scupper the future of their service provision.

The inevitable happened, and the whole place ended up in a meltdown over it. The trans person made the claim that they were the victim of transphobic bullying (rather than the reality, which is that their competence was questionable and that they actually needed time to learn to do the job). It ended in three members of staff entering into an agreement of a payoff, in return for signing a disclaimer that they would not talk about the circumstances in which they left [were forced out of] their jobs. They could only say they had taken voluntary severance on pain of legal action being taken against them.

I talked to my friend about this situation at the time, and we mooted seeking legal advice in relation to constructive dismissal. But by that time she was so exhausted and broken down with it all that she was content merely to leave and have some peace.

The two other colleagues who left in similar circumstances were also women. And since their departure, the inevitable has happened and this colleague's incompetence HAS resulted in the sabotaging of their service provision in the area under their jurisdiction? I find it incredible. Where do these people get their power from? Why is their word always believed over others' - even numerous other people who all make the same reasonable case against them? Why, when they come up against others who have legitimate complaints that have nothing to do with GI, is it always manipulated to be about this, and in the face of all evidence to the contrary? What, exactly, do they have to do to be fired?

If I were more of a conspiracy theory type I'd be certain there was some concerted campaign to get women out of the workplace - a sort of covert, MRA/Incel-led drive to force them back to home and duty and deprive them of their professional and economic independence. In fact, why not? It's not such a stretch of the imagination, given the concerted and blatant efforts to force female erasure - our medical issues, our sports, our spaces, even our language - elsewhere.

Commiserations, OP. What's happened to you is beyond disgraceful.

I appreciate this is a tiny irrelevant thing in this whole site story but I would definitely be suggesting that Ginny come in the communal group who pay into the subs for the sanitary protection. If they want to be included then they need to be included at whatever be level. See if they put their hand in their pocket.

I'd opt out entirely and get a moon cup.

Ugh. Sick and tired of these AGP perverts forcing their proclivities onto unwilling others. There is a word for that kind of behaviour.

I'd imagine that the boss is rather worried about Ginny being litigious. I'm trying to remember the details of an employment tribunal I read a while ago where the transwoman employee alleged bullying from female colleagues. What was quite clear from their evidence was that a lot of it was simply untrue.

What a horrible situation for you to be in and how stupid businesses are to destroy the company in this way.

Was it the one at Sheffield NHS Trust, Clymene? Clearly all nonsense.

Dear OP, you have all my sympathy and support . Your description of Ginny rang so many bells with me, my experience of similar people although many years ago and in a climate where there was much less ( enforced) support for these predilections was a mirror. The solipsism is off the scale.

We are all supporting players in the drama, but unfortunately we are not being paid equity rates.

Also you never know when a company might want you back, like when a staff member fucks up so much that nothing can save their job. And even maybe be offered more money. Dont burn bridges. Especially if you like the job and the location.

I know of at least 3 people who have come back to the company I work for despite the fact the company has a no take back rule (obviously not a hard rule)

This has made me really tearful!

I can't thank you enough for posting that, it's really struck a chord with me. Your poor friends, I feel for them I really do. This has certainly been the worst and most unexpected situation I've ever been in with work, I never saw it coming.

And you're asking the question that is bothering me most, how on earth is this happening?

One of the "mistakes" made by this person includes quite a serious breach of GDPR and misuse of the client database. Their work PC logged searches for people within the database that had no reason to be being searched. Rather than handle this as a breach by one person (the person who's pc it is and who was bloody logged in to the system AND signed into the building at the time) it was flagged as a team issue and we were all made to sit through a refresher on GDPR and all given a warning!

If you haven't already you should contact Sex Matters who will have accurate up to date advice and guidance for you and your colleagues.

Keep your head down and get through this next few weeks, enjoy your holiday and then I really do hope you look for a new job.