Trans and losing my mind...

[bluepetergeneration]

Posting here in good faith. And I'll leave that at that.

I'm a TS. I was born male. I don't normally post on mumsnet but I started using it as I have a 1 year old DD. I won't tell my whole life story, that would be self indulgent, so I'll just say what I came here to say.

I'm sick to death of my community. I'm sick of the misogyny. I'm under no illusion that I'm a woman or ever will be. I transitioned when I was very young so I pass, but I still now only use female bathrooms when there's no other option (such as a disabled bathroom- I would feel unsafe in the mens). What I have is a disorder- it was crippling- and now I live my life so that I can actually enjoy it and not feel 'wrong'.

The idea of self-ID sickens me, and I'm tired of having to have the same conversations over and over again with other trans people who accuse me of being some kind of self hating transsexual just because I care about the safety of women. I also care about the safety of my kid. Partly because I'm worried she'll be in danger because I'm trans, and also because I don't want her to get caught up in all these weird messages that being trans isn't a disorder around dysphoria (which it is).

I guess I'm posting this to say that in this fight, trans people with genuine dysphoria who aren't delusional will be standing right beside you.

Also a plea to not paint all of us with the same brush. You can fight for the rights of trans people (like me, I should be able to present female and not get attacked, and when I was in my late teens and still looked a bit male I did get attacked) and also be gender critical

Not even light snacks.

@scratchedbymycat

Which toilet men who claim to be women use should not be our problem. It's theirs.
What possible compromise is there? A single sex space is mixed sex if it has a male - any male - in it.
Why should we be grateful that they want to talk reasonably about women making special concessions for their benefit and to our disbenefit? What's in it for us? What are they offering?

The OP claimed they had no option but to use women's toilets. And then repeated it a few times as if we hadn't heard the first time. That is nonsense - the OP can use men's toilets, but chooses not to and is completely deaf to any explanation of how their use of women's loos affects some women adversely. How is that supporting women?

The OP claims to have been assaulted in men's toilets. If true, that's sad, but nothing to do with women. If the OP is free to enter women's toilets, so are any putative attackers (and indeed any other male). All the OP does is move the problem to the women's toilets and put women in danger. How is that supporting women?

The OP does not care about the effect of their actions on women, they only think about what they need or want. Why do we have to be nice about that? Why do we have to support the OP in violating our boundaries? We don't.

What then? Why should women be doing this checking? Women have a enough to do without taking on the task of worrying about men's toilets. Surely if the men think men's toilets are unsafe, men should be doing something about the men's toilets, not expecting women to do something.

This is a problem for men, including men who use 'gender' as part of their life toolkit, and it's up to men to find a fix. A fix that doesn't involve women's facilities.

But I suspect what you envisage, and certainly what the OP is very understandably envisaging, is a solution where women agree to be kind and protective towards some vulnerable male people and accept them in female only spaces.

This here is what I'm talking about. You've inferred from everything I've said that I have motives that will compromise women. I'm as GC as they come, for fucks sake. I go to the protests and distribute flyers and donate money AND post here.

I just think too much was inferred into the OPs post as well which might have been genuinely in good faith.

It sucks that pervert did a bad thing. but I don't see how that then means that we need to remove trans people from bathrooms, The vast majority of which are just trying to live their lives in peace. If this was any other demographic we would not be making this prescription.

We are not removing trans people from bathrooms (and it's toilets here in the UK btw) they can and should use the toilet facility designated for their SEX.

Women would like some peace too and that means being able to access toilets and other female only spaces and services with the confidence that they are FEMALE only.

To them, male toilets made them feel unsafe. That's what I took from it. I can't tell someone that 'feeling unsafe' is a nonsense response.

As they didn't/don't use male toilets then this idea of being unsafe is in their mind. Funny how women are castigated when they say that any male in a female toilet makes them feel unsafe and it is dismissed as a nonsense response usually with the added if men want to rape or assault you they will do so anyway the sign on the door won't stop them, you can just call the Police afterwards. Same doesn't apply to them though, strange that.

I just think too much was inferred into the OPs post as well which might have been genuinely in good faith.

Why is this male any more likely to be wanting to go into our toilets "in good faith" than all the other males who want to go in them?

I have a gender recognition certificate so I am female and I will continue to use female spaces.

The Equality Act has exemptions where they can remove trans women from female-only spaces I don't see why we have a blanket ban,

If, by any chance, @bluepetergeneration and @Bathhy are still lurking... please go watch Affirmation Generation (player.vimeo.com/video/800032857), and Adult Human Female (https//adult human female.info). The first is especially critical to watch as parents.

Im not sure why I was deleted earlier - I meant no offence to anyone.

I have just finished watching Affirmation Generation - it is very powerful - I highly recommend a watch and show all your friends.

i meant to say "I don't see why we need a blanket ban"

I have a gender recognition certificate so I am female and I will continue to use female spaces.

Being a woman has absolutely nothing to do with certificates.

Government disagrees

@Bathhy

It sucks that pervert did a bad thing. but I don't see how that then means that we need to remove trans people from bathrooms, The vast majority of which are just trying to live their lives in peace. If this was any other demographic we would not be making this prescription.

The problem is, it isn't just one pervert and it's not possible to tell which TW is a pervert, and which isn't.

TW share the sex-class that commits most of the violent crimes against women - that's an issue for people like you.

My husband shares the sex class with those who commit most of violence against women. For this reason, he is not permitted in female spaces. Because women can't tell if he's a pervert if not. They just see a male.

In both cases, the vast majority are not violent, but a single violent individual can do a LOT of harm to many women.

What I suggest you do, is read into the cases of those TW who are in jail. It's sobering. The majority are there for crimes of violence and most are sex crimes. TW cannot be assumed to be safe when there's plenty of evidence that some are not.

So you present a risk to women who don't know you, in the way my husband presents a risk to women who don't know him. It's not fair, but that is the reality.

You're not listening. Women here are telling you why.

And there we go.

Isla Bryson will be equally able to get a GRC and do the exact same.

And as you and Bryson walk in? Women have to walk out. They have no other spaces. What are you going to do about and for them?

🤢

Reality remains real.

I have MS. I occasionally have need of the disabled loos. I don't use them all the time because I can usually manage and I am mindful of disabled people with greater need. I'm sorry if op doesn't feel safe in men's toilets but disabled loos are meant to be for people with disabilities.

I have a gender recognition certificate so I am female and I will continue to use female spaces.
I bet you didn't wait until you got the certificate to start using them.

<applause>

Genuine question.
You said you are female.

Not just a trans woman?

So what is a female then?
Is the word "female" no longer a denoter of biological sex?

Your second point seems to acknowledge that TW can be removed from "female" spaces under the EA.
If they are "female", then how can they be removed from female spaces?

I'm actually old enough to remember when the gender recognition certificate was brought into effect which at the time had a lot of mixed feelings among trans people.

I knew a couple of trans people who just lied and claimed that there was a mistake on the birth certificate and got it updated.

I have a gender recognition certificate so I am female and I will continue to use female spaces.

You are not female, what you have is a legal fiction. The only people who are female are those who were born that sex.

Nice of you to confirm that you care fuck all about women and their needs.

The Equality Act has exemptions where they can remove trans women from female-only spaces I don't see why we have a blanket ban,

We should have a blanket ban for all the reasons explained ad nauseum in this thread.

Males, with or without a GRC, in female spaces negatively impacts on women this needs to end and end now.

Gleeful stomping on women's boundaries.

I'm going to make a donation to Keep Prisons Single Sex in honour of this painstaking post and in homage to Gail's efforts desconstructing this ludicrous hogwash.

GRC does not give the male born pp an automatic right to access single sex spaces for females. I'm sorry if you have been told it does. You have been lied to. There is a lot of that about.
Telling me to Be Kind doesn't work anymore