Should they have told me they were trans?

[DuckDuckDiva]

Or is it the same as not telling someone you have kids until after a week or so of messaging? I've been messaging a guy I met online last week. It's been 6 days of messaging. Was due to meet up tomorrow, but they've chosen to tell me now that they're trans but haven't had reassignment surgery yet. I haven't messaged back yet, and am unsure if my annoyance is justified or if I should just let it go? You'd never know by looking at them, facial hair, sounded male on the phone, big build etc (I know women can also have big builds). I'm not attracted to women, and the idea of being with someone with a vagina is not something I would consider. I'm not sure how to word my next message to them. AIBU to think they should have been clear on their profile, or told me off the bat?

For anyone who thinks I'm not genuine, I absolutely am, have been on mn for a while, but have name changed this evening. Am not here to cause a trans debate, just feel a bit duped.

Vulnerable to what exactly? If someone swipes left because of something on your profile you will never know about it. It's a world of difference from the disappointment of making a match but losing it because you are fundamentally incompatible.

But it’s like having children or a disability. The instant you put that on your profile you open yourself up for all kinds of abuse.
Nonsense, I see mention of having children all the time on dating apps. Presumably on the basis that it people not prepared to be involved in blended families can self-exclude rather than things being strung out and someone ghosting/getting arsey when they find out. I've also seen profiles that mentioned being a wheelchair user, or profiles where the photos featured their guide dog.

It is quite normal for a person to keep something private, like the fact they have a stoma
I've seen this mentioned too. Also someone who mentioned a heart condition that can leave her very fatigued so she isn't very active (hiking and climbing are very popular around here). Again she did it because it's easier to let people see up front than to risk a ghosting or a abusive response when the truth gets out.

DdraigGoch, many consider it unwise to mention children on your profile up front as paedophiles may target single parents with the aim of grooming the family. You mention it quickly in messaging, it's not about hiding your kids, just not making it easy for abusers to search for single women with kids.

I see it mentioned a lot. Most are sensible enough to blur any photos that show the kids. Paedophiles manage to worm their way in even without the help of online dating, that's why a more effective approach is to ensure that one doesn't introduce a strange man to your kids (or even bring him home while they're present) until the relationship is well established (minimum 18 months). Those who move a new man into their family within a fortnight of meeting him are being extremely reckless.