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Original poster

Can I be forced to use pronouns?

307 replies

nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:38

Hi all.

I work in hospitality and my company have recently taken on some new recruits.

One is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns but is considering she/her pronouns. He was born male. He looks male. He had the same uniform as you would expect, neon hair, piercings, multiple badges on his uniform stating his pronouns, he's vegan, free Palestine, f Boris etc.. (I'm not against freeing Palestine or vegans) but you can imagine the type. Everyone's a "facist" etc.. it's draining at times.

Here is my problem, I don't want to use they/them pronouns. It feels unnatural when talking and I struggle with it anyway. I just don't want to do it, I don't care if that makes me rude. I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of being moaned at for misgendering. He just doesn't shut up about it.

Now he's saying he believes he may be a woman and is asking questions about "women hood" and all that bs, I've told him I'm not comfortable talking to him about it and I was called a boomer, a Karen and a gammon?? He is considering changing his pronouns in the new year.

Here is my question. Legally, can I be forced to use his preferred pronouns? Not arsed about losing my job, but I don't want to get into any criminal trouble

I just want to go to work, earn my living and go home. I don't have the time or energy or willingness to go along with this bullshit

OP posts:
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5
Aquasulis · 31/12/2022 14:55

When talking to them use ‘you’

call out their abuse every time

excuse me ‘what did you say to me’
excuse me ‘can you repeat that’
’i find you comment extremely rude disrespectful and upsetting’

keep it simple

UWhatNow · 31/12/2022 14:56

Aquasulis · 31/12/2022 14:54

Call them by their name

excuse me what did Sam say? Sam etc needs to do x,

This is what I would do ad nauseum.

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:56

@UWhatNow I've worked here for years and I've never worked with trans people or non binary so this is a first and a bit of a culture shock

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 31/12/2022 14:57

So he’s only rude and aggressive to women on staff? That’s interesting, as it means he is able to make a choice about his behaviour, no excuses there.

i suppose he is building up to using the Ladies…..

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:58

I normally just say his name but I'll be honest, I say him/his a lot and not on purpose. I'm on my feet all day and shattered most of the time so it's hard to remember what to say or call him

OP posts:
Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:59

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen we only have one staff toilet and it's shared, we all clean up after each other so no sitting in piss thankfully

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RudsyFarmer · 31/12/2022 15:00

They sound painful. I wonder if you could get into the habit of just using this persons name? Forget the pronouns.

PerfectYear321 · 31/12/2022 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:00

@Aquasulis I'll try that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to make him feel like shit at work, I just struggle with all of this a lot

OP posts:
Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:01

@PerfectYear321 good for you. Not bothered what people on a forum think of me. I just don't want to be prosecuted

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Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:03

I'm not a troll. I've been on here for years under different names.
Penguin bollards, stolen Mexican holiday home, so far back as good old zombie god bless her soul.

OP posts:
Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:03

nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:53

He's young, I get that. I just can't be arsed. It's just constant waffling

We all talk amongst each other as work colleagues do. The usual chit chat you do at work.

Have you actually just tried saying to him "Will you just shut up, leave me alone, stop bullying me and let me do my job"

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:05

@Boiledbeetle no I've not, but it's a thought!

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Supernormative · 31/12/2022 15:06

As far as I'm aware we don't yet have compelled speech in this country so no you can't be forced. I'd simply use his name even if it means you have to repeat the name a lot. And report him every time he calls you a Karen or Gammon as that's workplace bullying.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:06

Annoyed stern disapproving look. channelmost scary teacher you had as a kid and do it

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:08

Your boss already knows he's causing you issues, you've nothing to lose. if he complains you just tell your boss you'd reached breaking point.

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:10

@Boiledbeetle I have a natural resting bitch face to be honest.
Normally things just go over my head, I'm a whatever person but lately everything is just getting on my nerves and this is one of them

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Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:10

I invoke my mother's raised eyebrow when I'm annoyed. It's very effective

FOJN · 31/12/2022 15:11

Have you actually just tried saying to him "Will you just shut up, leave me alone, stop bullying me and let me do my job"

Whilst your at it tell him to take his badges off. As a customer I don't need or want to know about his personal moral crusades, he can do his activism on his own time. I'm surprised the company allows it.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:11

I think your new years resolution is to give no fucks and put this little binary nomark in his place.

woman up.

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2022 15:13

I’d be using their name. And they if needs be. And only conversing about work matters. Everything else? Not your concern. Not your business.

I would absolutely be noting down and reporting any insult. Your colleague does not get to insult you just because they feel like it.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:13

And that wasn't a mistake he is acting very binary, like a very entitled spoilt little boy

StellaOlivetti · 31/12/2022 15:17

You could say “please don’t use my mother’s/auntie’s/best friend’s name as a misogynist ageist slur”? Infuriating little twit.

Madamecastafiore · 31/12/2022 15:18

Next time he calls you a Tory call him a man.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 31/12/2022 15:20

I absolutely would not tolerate anyone calling me names, especially a tory!
Report every single time. Who the fuck does he think he is!