What have people done when asked pronouns? (but are not trans ideologists)

[newbookonshelf]

I've never been asked my pronouns but I wonder what I would say if I was. I WFH so never come up. I think I may say 'none' , 'you pick' , or maybe 'the' or simply 'what do you mean?'

So I'm just wondering how people do respond to this if they are not gender/trans ideologists. I'm looking for examples and what happened when you said it.

Or volunteer in?

I play a contact sport and we do this in that situation (yes it's mixed and has been for the almost decade I've played it). I work in the utilities industry and I volunteer in community groups.

If in a situation where you're asking/asked pronouns, why wouldn't you default to they/them if someone chooses not to share? Seems really rude to just guess how they would prefer to be addressed or spoken about?

I think if I was in the workplace I'd definitely say She/he/they if asked. Call me what you want pal.

Yes I agree, except there's another option that isn't (1) 'give correct pronouns' and (2) 'try to be funny/troll' - which is (3) 'explain why you disagree with the ideology and why it makes you feel uncomfortable'.

And then there's also (4) 'remain silent on the subject out of fear of retribution/ cancelation/ losing your job'

My order of preference would be 3, 4, 1, 2

Seems really rude that you would be so arrogant that you would expect to dictate that people do not use normal convention when talking about you

If in a situation where you're asking/asked pronouns, why wouldn't you default to they/them if someone chooses not to share?

Because 'they' assumes adherence to gender ideology.

I would suggest to you that anyone who declines to share their pronouns when asked would be far more likely to fall into my category (4) in my previous post, than to be someone who was confused about their gender identity or hasn't decided yet.

'More likely' maybe, but I wouldn't be so arrogant (to use midgetastic's word) as to assume how they would like to be referred.

if someone didn't feel comfortable sharing their pronouns that's absoluetly fine, obviously. They would be referred to as they/them.

If their pronouns were they/them, that's what they would have told you to use.

I would use the name they suggested

But pronouns isn't a personal thing - it's a societal : linguistic convention based on sex

If we could I would argue that all pronouns should be they them to de-emphasise sex but that's a separate debate

And if they don't tell you which to use?

Names are used more often than pronouns for sure and is a great way to not misgender someone. But sometimes pronouns are used and if we don't know them, because the person chose not to share or we haven't asked yet, then they/them is the default.

Use he or she, on the basis that that's more likely to be what they'd prefer you to do.

if we don't know them, because the person chose not to share or we haven't asked yet, then they/them is the default

I disagree

'They'd' in my 13:49 post was plural by the way 😂

Giggles - that's not conventional English usage nor is that consistent with the text book English either

I haven’t so far but I’m on a course this weekend where I feel I might be (the person organising and a few people in the organisation have them in emails).

I won’t be declaring mine and will just say this isn’t a practice I engage in.

'More likely' isn't the same as knowing for sure though. If I genuinely made a mistake and misgendered you because I guessed you were more likely to want to be referred to as the wrong gender, would you correct me by telling me which pronouns I should be using instead? Asking upfront/putting it in email signatures just helps to avoid that situation.

Names are used more often than pronouns for sure and is a great way to not misgender someone.

Nope. Strong disagree here too. You see it a lot on these boards:

Eddie Izzard isn't a woman no matter what clothes Eddie wears. Eddie may think of Eddieself as a woman but that doesn't make Eddie a woman.

Actually I don't disagree do I? You're right this is indeed a great way to avoid misgendering. But it's verbal diarrhea and I imagine Eddie wouldn't like it that much.

"My pronouns are the correct ones for a human with xx chromosomes."

Easy peasy.

Then your pronouns are she/her whether you like it or not. You don't need to make a fuss if someone asks.

😄 But look how easy it was to use 'they!'

So she/her if I'm a woman. What criteria would make me a woman, @MargaritaPie ?

Yes, because that is correct use of they! Yours isn't.

I've never been directly asked but my planned written response is:

'I do not mind which third person pronouns you use for me - sex or gender based (or something else entirely). However please do consider the needs of those who are disabled, non-neurotypical or non-native English speakers when using pronouns as many people struggle with anything outside of normal sex-based third person English pronoun usage. However, I do not mind which pronouns you use as I want to respect your comfort and ease of communication.

I used sex-based pronouns as per normal usage.

If particularly required by an individual to use neutral gender-based pronouns they/ their my response will depend on whether I am accorded mutual respect and consideration, or whether this is an attempt at bullying and coercion. I do not believe in gender, and this is a protected belief in law. Using they/their pronouns does not come naturally to me. It goes against my whole life's experience of using sex-based pronouns and adds a significant mental load to my communications which I find to be distressing and difficult. I would be happy to simply use a person's name in place of pronouns.'

I don't know whether I'd be brave enough to send this, though.

No, the default pronouns in English are sex based.

In English, 'they/them' is used when you don't know the sex of the person you are referring to, which is rare.

Using 'they/them' for people who haven't told you 'their pronouns' is woketastic virtue signalling.