What have people done when asked pronouns? (but are not trans ideologists)

[newbookonshelf]

I've never been asked my pronouns but I wonder what I would say if I was. I WFH so never come up. I think I may say 'none' , 'you pick' , or maybe 'the' or simply 'what do you mean?'

So I'm just wondering how people do respond to this if they are not gender/trans ideologists. I'm looking for examples and what happened when you said it.

I wouldn't go with this (unless it's actually the real reason you don't want to, of course). By saying that you'd be centring the trans/nb/queer people again.

Much better to be proud and loud about why you don't want to give your pronouns, e.g. 'I don't believe in the ideology behind the question and am uncomfortable being asked'.

If you can't be loud and proud for whatever reason (and there are many reasons) then better stay silent than pretend you don't want to out of consideration for trans people. (Again, unless that really is your reason of course)

No, this isn't a good one. Unless it is your real reason.

It's not appropriate to lie like this this in the workplace, particularly around close colleagues. They would naturally infer from it that you were struggling with your gender identity when you weren't really.

Can you turn it back on them? "Do you use pronouns based on my sex or on my personality? Happy to provide either depending on your preferences".

Haha, nice. Except for me the pronouns would be the same either way of course, which means your suggestion, if I were to use it, would be a bit too sarcastic for my liking.

It's a nice take on it though.

Thats basically what i would say.
I dont offer up pronouns. If they are unsure, they can just use my name

But I struggle with my gender identity every damn day because I don't fucking have one.

I tell people that calling me by my name or by the second person pronoun "you" are both fine when they are talking to me.

And that it's none of my business how people describe me when I am not present.

In all seriousness, I don't fully understand the strength of feeling around pronouns for this exact reason. When I'm talking to someone, I call them "you". I don't call them she/he or whatever. When I'm talking ABOUT them, I'll use whichever thrdd person pronoun is the correct one. They don't get to control my speech choices when I am not talking to them.

“The cat’s mother”

might be a bit niche to NI

In the style of Julie Burchill 'Thot/That...
Or 'Billy/Owen'

It's not that simple. There are occasions where you have to use pronouns when the person is in earshot. I've had it twice myself in the past week!

I've got a gender fluid daughter, and a non binary colleague at work. Honestly, it comes up quite often.

I’m grammar-neutral so I don’t like to be constrained. I prefer to use nouns. My noun is [name].

One was at a parent/teacher meeting with my daughter, it went something like this:

Me- yes DD really loves Spanish, it's their favourite subject

Teacher- yes they consistently get high marks in vocab tests. You're doing really well [name], keep it up!

(Really badly paraphrased because I can't actually remember how it went, but honestly if you're living in this world it happens frequently)

It would be easier for everyone if you just give your correct pronouns instead of trying to be funny or a troll.

I just smile widely and say guess, when they guess she/her I say bingo.

@MargaritaPie why? It's obvious in normal society - not this weird society that a minority keep trying to create - that I'm a woman.

Always find this topic so fascinating. Especially as a multilingual.

There are languages where the pronouns he/she/it have a single word only corresponding to all. There are languages where sex and gender are not two separate words, just one word.

Would love to know how these conversations go all around the world.

I don't / won't give mine and I'm neither trying to be funny or a troll!

Exactly. So a Male's pronouns would be He/Him and a Female's would be She/Her no matter how they identify. It's giving incorrect pronouns for your sex that has got us in this mess in the first place.

It would be easier for everyone

Who is everyone?

After working for 30 years in various industries I have not once been asked my pronouns and I cannot think why it would be necessary.

It gives me the rage. I just said people are free to look at me, or look at my name (Anna) and make their best guess as never in my entire 30 something years has anyone ever got it wrong nor would I care if they did. I'm obviously a woman. I'm a civil servant and I feel like it didn't go down well.

You really cannot imagine the level of hilarity that would ensue if I was to ask for pronouns in any circle of my peers work or socially.

Easier for who though?

Not easier for me as I don't know what they are if not sex based -

Not easier for any female who does not want to suffer from the inevitable downgrading that occurs for one sex when sex is emphasised

I have a very good idea what gender dysmorphia feels like and I think pronouns announcing is harmful to people like me - people who lived through it and found a way to cope that doesn't require surgery and hormones - ie coping without self harming

But pronoun announcing sets off those bad feelings

For someone like me it feels like eugenics in action - let's press all your fears until you feel so crap that you want to take a razor blade to yourself to try and make it better

But what are my correct pronouns?

I always use "I" or "me" to refer to myself. Are those my correct pronouns?

Other people seem to prefer to use "you" when talking to me. If pronouns are for other people to use then is this what I should tell them in my signature?

These replies are so interesting, but then I've never encountered such strong views on other people's gender until I joined Mumsnet (I'm firmly in my 30's so that's not from lack of life experience).

In the places I've worked and the groups I've volutneered for, if someone didn't feel comfortable sharing their pronouns that's absoluetly fine, obviously. They would be referred to as they/them. It's no drama, just polite.

In the places I've worked and the groups I've volutneered for, if someone didn't feel comfortable sharing their pronouns that's absoluetly fine, obviously. They would be referred to as they/them.

really? The default is they rather than he/she?

What industry do you work in?