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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Another friendship bites the dust

230 replies

SapphosRock · 09/10/2022 11:24

Apparently it has come to some friends' attention that I have radical views and they want nothing more to do with me. I'm now blocked.

This the second time this has happened with people I was close to.

Trying not to mind, but I do mind. We had lots of fun things planned and I'm mourning the loss of the friendships.

What have other people done in this situation?

OP posts:
midgetastic · 09/10/2022 11:27

Remind yourself that you are better off without such people - head in the air

Be sad for what you have lost

Wait for them to make contact again and the decide which of the 2 lines above matter most

Original poster
SapphosRock · 09/10/2022 11:29

midgetastic · 09/10/2022 11:27

Remind yourself that you are better off without such people - head in the air

Be sad for what you have lost

Wait for them to make contact again and the decide which of the 2 lines above matter most

This is great advice Star

Thank you.

OP posts:
Abhannmor · 09/10/2022 11:32

Good advice midgetastic. Its happened to ppl very close to me and it is very painful. Time and patience.

nooboonoo · 09/10/2022 11:38

It hurts. But you're not going to change your beliefs for someone else's sake.

It's better for it to be out in the open and everyone know than bottled up inside you and feeling that sense of treading on eggshells if you go near the subject.

There are loads of very cool 'friends of Joanne' (just learned from other thread 😂) who you'd be much better friends with.

BlackForestCake · 09/10/2022 12:53

You're not the one with radical views. Most people know men aren't women.

If your former friends have fallen victim to extreme sex-denial beliefs, all you can realistically do is carry on with your life.

rabbitwoman · 09/10/2022 12:54

I have fallen out with one of my closest, dearest friends over this.

Thing is, this isn't an 'unpopular' opinion you can keep to yourself, not if you work with children, have safeguarding responsibility, have children yourself or know someone who is trans. Not if you are out for the night and all the pub loos are unisex, not if you are hassled and there is no where private to go.

And not if you are talking to someone who is very vocal about their views and very comfortable voicing them. That's what happened to me - my pal was happily and loudly announcing anyone who agreed with jkr was a stupid c**t who should fuck off into the sea, and I said we'll, I am not stupid and I am not going anywhere. Wanna chat about it?

To be blocked.....

midgetastic · 09/10/2022 13:14

As you might guess I have been there too - you are not alone

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:15

I have differences of opinion with lots of people, sometimes I argue with them about it, they are still my friends and I love them dearly.

GCs, what do you think is different about your opinion that friends and family drop you for? Why do you think people see you so badly for it?

Tallisker · 09/10/2022 13:16

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:15

I have differences of opinion with lots of people, sometimes I argue with them about it, they are still my friends and I love them dearly.

GCs, what do you think is different about your opinion that friends and family drop you for? Why do you think people see you so badly for it?

Brainwashing

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:16

Everyone else is brainwashed, except you?

CreateOne · 09/10/2022 13:17

Maybe they know people who are trans and have a heart.

midgetastic · 09/10/2022 13:18

Its related to the additional cognitive stress ?

So you are saying that deep down those friends know OP is right and that additional stress is what tips this from a Tory/labour friendship to a "be kind"/GC fallout ?

Theeyeballsinthesky · 09/10/2022 13:20

🙄🙄🙄

I know ppl who are trans

I still know they’re men not women and hey don’t belong in women’s spaces

@SapphosRock i know you’ve been on such a tough journey with this & I know living where you live it’s even harder. It’s difficult it really is but thinking men are not women is not a radical position. Sending in mumsnetty hugs

oviraptor21 · 09/10/2022 13:21

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:16

Everyone else is brainwashed, except you?

It's a minority but unfortunately a minority who have had influence and backing up until now and who have managed to sneak a number of things in without any diligence.
The tide is turning though.

Wellies54 · 09/10/2022 13:21

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:16

Everyone else is brainwashed, except you?

Funny how people who believe in the existence of biology are open to discussion and justifying their view point while those who believe in gender ideology get very upset when they cannot rationally explain their argument and start calling people bigots and blocking them.

midgetastic · 09/10/2022 13:23

Ffs I also know people who are tran

But I am
Also able to separate individuals from the wider society impact

In fact one friendship broke up aimply because I expressed surprise and sadness that a young girl who as a younger child had No gender issues,

but who does have very sexist parents who "couldn't understand her" who found her interest in maths rather than shopping strange , who moved her away from friends as she entered her teenage years ( and sone other family trauma that I won't mention )

has taken steps that render them infertile and will shorten their life

I mean. - did they expect me to celebrate that ?!?

Also I clearly know more transpeople than you do because I know that not all of the support the TRA position and sone are GC

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:23

CreateOne · 09/10/2022 13:17

Maybe they know people who are trans and have a heart.

There's so many such lovely people like that in my life who have changed their minds about things. People who believed me those years ago. I will forever be in their debt.

midgetastic · 09/10/2022 13:24

Oh that's a bit childishly expressed ! Apologies / but you get the drift !

DialSquare · 09/10/2022 13:25

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:15

I have differences of opinion with lots of people, sometimes I argue with them about it, they are still my friends and I love them dearly.

GCs, what do you think is different about your opinion that friends and family drop you for? Why do you think people see you so badly for it?

Everyone I know agrees with me that men can never be women and that they should stay out of female single sex spaces. Not all of us on here have biology denying friends.

Helleofabore · 09/10/2022 13:27

SecretTransTwitterEngineer · 09/10/2022 13:15

I have differences of opinion with lots of people, sometimes I argue with them about it, they are still my friends and I love them dearly.

GCs, what do you think is different about your opinion that friends and family drop you for? Why do you think people see you so badly for it?

Perhaps you should read some of the UK polls about how many people who disagree with their friends in the younger age group simply never let in that they don’t agree.

It is quite disheartening to see a generation who feel they cannot have an honest discussion with their friends.

I have watched over the past 2 1/2 years the growth of awareness amongst parents of under 18s. I had lunch last week and the issue was being discussed by people who I know 2 1/2 years ago were still undecided. But the news at that point about Mermaids and Primark meant 6 women with different cultural backgrounds were discussing it at lunch and not one of them was left undecided. They were all now well aware of the issues around our children’s welfare and the implications of self ID.

The change in the past 2 1/2 years in women discussing this has been remarkable.

Helleofabore · 09/10/2022 13:29

And I have yet to meet one person in real life that thinks any male can become a female.

Strange that. I remember being constantly told last year on this board that we were a minority, a tiny minority, and we were all going to die soon.

Helleofabore · 09/10/2022 13:32

CreateOne · 09/10/2022 13:17

Maybe they know people who are trans and have a heart.

Oh dear. Another ‘you don’t know trans people’!

Posters always forget that many posters on this board have loved ones who are trans identifies and have them in our daily lives.

Or maybe they are the ‘wrong type’ of trans person.

Helleofabore · 09/10/2022 13:32

*Identified.

Metabigot · 09/10/2022 13:32

Sorry to hear that. I've had one or two not that close anyway friends dump me over this, but worse, my brother and I are completely estranged over me being a 'nazi terf bigot' despite me suggesting we agree not to discuss it.

As for what to do...join a GE feminist group and make new friends. Not joking, this is what I did and we meet up once a month to discuss issues and socialise after.

Metabigot · 09/10/2022 13:33

*GC. Sausage fingers today!