How to refuse to share pronouns verbally

[EthelbertaChickerel]

I'm going to a course tomorrow, and have just received an email from the course leader. This includes her pronouns, and I'm now concerned we will all be asked to share them verbally when the day starts.

If it is just writing them on badges, I will leave it blank, but I don't know how big the group is, and I am worried that if it is small, we will be asked to introduce ourselves and share pronouns. I'm fine with the introductions, just not with the pronouns.

What is the best, but most polite, way to shut this down? I have paid quite a lot of money for this day and want to get as much out of it as possible, but am not happy to compromise my principles.

TL:DR - I love the Mumsnet standard 'my pronouns are sex-based, like my oppression', and would be happy to put that in an email, but not sure about saying it.
Does anyone have any alternatives?

Just don't say them. If pressed, say you'd prefer not to. If she then asks how people should refer to you then, you've got the option of saying, "By my name" or "

Personally I think this sounds unnecessarily rude

You could say my pronouns are you and your and see if they question it!

First pass 'Please use my name which is ..... '

If they insist I reply - 'unless relevant I tend to leave my gender & sexuality at the door. '

Seriously why do people feel the need to slap others around the face with this - unless they are uncomfortable with who they are.

Agree with this. I'd just say politely 'No thank you' and repeat, more firmly, if pressed. I bet they don't though.

First 'forget' to say. If pressed, say with a smile 'No, thank you'. If pressed further, say blandly 'It's not a practice I follow' and look expectantly at the next person.

Very good.

I have said the same in my workplace.
Assuming everyone takes the piss, in my workplace they will, how do we remember 650+ pronouns? All the time. We wont, we will simply use names.
It did strike a chord though with the higher ups. And so for now, pronoun use is not even mentioned.
Pretty sure someone keeps raising the issue, but what I said has been kept in mind.
It's also only because we all know the piss will be ripped out of the whole issue. If they could be certain that most would comply like good little handmaidens then I suspect it would be pushed if not outright forced.

Oh and add in changing them every third Tuesday and on Friday everyone is a zer and we stand no chance.

Shit, forgot to add the tribunal cases would soar, every time it was wrong, and every person would make it as difficult as possible to get it right and they mostly have no qualms about saying how shit everything is already, add the possibility of getting them on wrong pronoun useage and it's not a winning strategy.

I agree - it's performative corporate bollocks, allowing the company to wave their "inclusive" values without having to do anything that costs money.

My pronouns are 'gender' and 'woo'.

I'd be tempted to say 'I'm Pangolina and my pronouns are it/that. Thanks'.

No mention of them. If pressed, "Well, no one has ever mistaken me for a man before."

Hi My name is x, my pronous are she/er, my coffee is white no sugar, Probably Stranger things, but the Wire is close, Hawaii, only once and didn't enjoy it, Probably Sushi, last year

Any other irrelvant information you require from me, please ask.

Basically try and channel your tough old nanna who wouldn't have understood or held with any of it.

Depending on the context, I'd either say "I don't feel comfortable sharing my pronouns" (makes genderwoo-pushers suddenly think of you as potentially closeted trans and do whatever you want) or "I don't really have my own pronouns. If you would like to refer to me using a pronoun, I'm happy with whatever you think best." (i.e. I'm GC but made it sound fancy)

Ask them what a pronoun is.

Why on earth would it be rude to cut this off at the start?

That's what these people reply on, nobody pushing back. The OP is the client here, paying for a service.

I did a yoga course where there one participant was a transwoman and I'm glad to say that pronouns or gender were never brought up. We all shared things about ourselves during discussion sessions but there was nothing forced and it was all natural and non-pressurising. As it should be!

I would go down the route of not offering pronouns and if pressed, would say "I'd rather not specify."

Jfc! How can one honestly respond to that? Go and lie down on the opposite side of the room?

If pronouns mean gender (which they do to the people who ask this question) how do you respond if you don't have a gender ID?

I strongly object to being forced to define my atheism through the lens of a religion.

Based.on all the email signatures I've seen at work so far their pronouns are pretty bloody obvious so nothing to remember!

“Oh, I’m not sure, how do I find them out? Is there a blood test or something?”

It's such a weird concept that someone might insist that you tell them how they must refer to you when you are not present. That's some me mental gymnastics right there.

However, I like the simple 'forget to mention them' approach or if pushed, just a polite 'you can just call me by my name'. 😊

I'm not going to share pronouns. Sharing pronouns is part of the 'gender ideology' political belief, which I disagree with. I think it's misguided, and harmful to women, gay people and trans people. I know the harm's not intentional, but it's significant.

One unintended side-effect is that talking about pronouns and making out they're important increases gender stereotypes and increases the discrimination I face. People even put them in email signatures (!) which implies that your sex actually matters to your ability to do your job! I'm a woman in a male-dominated job. I've spent my entire career having to prove that's not true.

I accept that I can't control other people's choices around this, but I'd really rather nobody shared pronouns.

• As much of this as applies/you feel comfortable with

Smile and 'no thank you'.

If pressed: 'I don't agree with pressuring people to share highly sensitive information in front of others whether or not they would like to'.

And if argued with: 'You have actually read the Yogyakarta principles haven't you? You are aware of the issues involved?'

Such as potentially outing people, forcing people to lie to save face or because they are not ready to speak - and yes, it's fashionable to only care about TQ+ people experiencing this but it's actually exactly the same for people who don't wish to pray this catechism because it's against their beliefs.

And if it's being done without any knowledge or understanding, it's empty virtue signalling that is about how it feels to be so progressive with no real connection, understanding or feeling. And that's as patronising as it is insulting.