How to refuse to share pronouns verbally

[EthelbertaChickerel]

I'm going to a course tomorrow, and have just received an email from the course leader. This includes her pronouns, and I'm now concerned we will all be asked to share them verbally when the day starts.

If it is just writing them on badges, I will leave it blank, but I don't know how big the group is, and I am worried that if it is small, we will be asked to introduce ourselves and share pronouns. I'm fine with the introductions, just not with the pronouns.

What is the best, but most polite, way to shut this down? I have paid quite a lot of money for this day and want to get as much out of it as possible, but am not happy to compromise my principles.

TL:DR - I love the Mumsnet standard 'my pronouns are sex-based, like my oppression', and would be happy to put that in an email, but not sure about saying it.
Does anyone have any alternatives?

Yep, I get misgendered frequently online and occasionally in person. I'm not remotely bothered, although a bit puzzled when it happens in person, as I'm not exactly under-developed in the chest department.

This is what I would do - act confused. Most people wouldn't know what "preferred pronouns" means.

I would act confused, and then ask if it's one of those games that are played at the start, as an ice breaker.
If I was the second person in the group to give my preferred pronouns, I would ask if the game was to say mine, then repeat the pronouns of those before me.

eg "My name is ZombiemumEB. My preferred pro-nouns are she/her as I am obviously a female. Libre's pronouns are "she/her. Next!"

I don't understand the uproar about being misgendered.
I have been misgendered online for 30 years! Most people assumed I was male, starting in 1992. I still get misgendered in other forums (that aren't mumsnet) because everyone assumes everyone is male. Happens in games too - eg minecraft servers that I play with my kids.
Misgendering has been happening to women for so long - now males are using it themselves to weaponise against females and play the victim. It's all about control and power.

It's against my religion.

This once happened at a Zoom session I was on.
I decided I would say "I use the title 'Ms'" (=deliberate misunderstanding) when it was my turn to speak.
As it happened, everyone ignored the request and didn't say their pronouns, so I was spared!

Thank you for the link! Loved it

Can you say I me mine?

In hindsight it's very easy to say you should have asked where "I/me" were. But I'd probably have just gone to the loo.

Thankfully I work with a load of anti-social gits who would just look totally bemused by this.

I like the ‘Use whatever pronouns come naturally/feel appropriate’ tack- as in, please just do what you’ve done for centuries and you’ll get it right 99% of the time.

Saying ‘I don’t care what pronouns you use’ would feel a bit disingenuous to me, as being honest I don’t want people to use ‘he/him’- not that they ever have. I’m obviously female (Not because I wear dresses/make up etc, I mean ‘obviously’ in the same way I can tell whether someone is female with almost 100% accuracy no matter what they’re wearing, because I think it’s inbuilt into us to recognise if someone is male or female, and for good reason). I don’t want to have to specify that people use she/her though, so saying ‘use what ever feels right’ would be my response.

As an aside, I joined a trans group on Facebook a while ago, designed to educate non trans people about trans issues. I joined in with a genuine desire to learn more, but left when their views on women’s rights were made abundantly clear and any discussion on the matter was aggressively shut down every time. But one thing that came up a lot was this sharing of pronouns- and many trans and non binary people hated the idea. A trans woman wants people to use ‘she/her’ naturally (which people rarely do- if they use she/her it’s out of politeness), having to tell people to do so defeats the point. And some NB people would rather not have to say one way or the other.

So it really is just virtue signalling from people wanting to be seen as inclusive without having a clue about the real issues on either side of the debate.

Faffertea

I’m new to the board and hadn’t seen this before so thanks for sharing, brilliant thought-provoking article.

I went to a sort of academic event online a few days ago. Audience was mixed academic and not-academic. Most of the five or so presenters (three) had ‘she/her’ on their visible names. Nobody else at all did. It was heartening.

I'm planning a diversionary tactic of explaining the shortened version of my name that most people use instead of stating my pronouns if I'm ever in this situation.

I've been working for a very pronoun-y company for the last 6 months (in the Arts, go figure...). Every time someone joins the project, we have to go through the whole, 'I'm Petulia Figgleworth, I'm the Head of Turtle Acquisitions, and my pronouns are she/her', thing.

Every time, I say, "I'm SpikyHatePotato and I'm the Llama Grooming Manager", and look expectantly at the next person. I've never been challenged on it, and have noticed that if I'm one of the first in the circle, some others will follow suit and not mention pronouns. If I'm one of the last, then generally everyone before me has fallen obediently into line.

'I' do not subscribe to gender ideology. I use pronouns in the time-honoured way — he/him for male individuals and she/her for female individuals.'

I like this response.

I think I would say, "Hi I'm babyjellyfish, nice to meet you all" and if pressed I would just say, "Oh, I don't have any, er, special pronouns" and smile.

Lovely. Entirely compliant but fellow Terven will recognise you.

Yes, that's good. 'No special pronouns' is very clear and accurate.