Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Dad taking daughters into the ladies or disabled toilets

260 replies

MattDillonsEyebrows · 22/01/2022 14:32

If a dad was on his own with two daughters ages 4 & 5, would you have an issue with him going into the ladies toilets with them? He says he would call out, that he is a man, and coming in with his daughters and would stay in a cubicle, and also call out when leaving the cubicle. But obviously he would need to use the sinks to wash hands.

Or would you suggest he uses the disabled toilets instead?

The reason he doesn't want to use the mens, is a) them having to walk past urinals and strange men peeing, and b) due to the all too common state of men's toilets in general and even the sit down toilet usually has pee all over the seat and is generally disgusting and he doesn't want to subject his daughters to this.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with this because I agree with his reasons for not wanting to take his daughters in there, but obviously his presence would more than likely make some women feel uncomfortable which he would not want to do.

Disabled toilet is obviously another option, but having seen some of the disabled toilet threads on here, that would also cause an issue if a disabled person was waiting. Obviously a child, is unlikely to be able to wait.

Please nobody retort with 'well the fact that men's toilet's are filthy isn't the women's problem' or similar as, whilst I agree with this sentiment, unfortunately they do tend to be gross and changing that would take huge societal change which let's face it, is not likely to happen soon.

OP posts:
Missingindevon · 22/01/2022 23:29

Ideally more places would have family toilets

twelly · 22/01/2022 23:29

@IndigoandCerulean The issue raised by the OP is one that in the long term should be met by improved facilities but that takes time. I think we should be pragmatic in that there are disabled facilities that are available. The use of disabled car spaces is not the same and not part of this discussion. Disabled toilets are not always in use, the argument about needing quick access would apply if there another disabled person was using the facility. In a discussion everyone is entitled to their opinion - I am not speaking for anyone but am expressing an opinion

SpeedRunParent · 22/01/2022 23:30

No way would I be happy with my DH taking my pre-school girl into a mens toilet. I have a disabled teen who agrees that the the disabled toilets are unisex so are the better option for men and young daughters.

fuckyourpronouns · 22/01/2022 23:32

Absolutely would be unhappy about this. Men do not belong in womens toilets. My husband takes our children either to the accessible toilet or to the mens. He has no right to go into the ladies

Goldbar · 22/01/2022 23:32

@SpeedRunParent

No way would I be happy with my DH taking my pre-school girl into a mens toilet. I have a disabled teen who agrees that the the disabled toilets are unisex so are the better option for men and young daughters.
Why is it ok for women to take their pre-school boys into the womens toilets then?
SpeedRunParent · 22/01/2022 23:37

@Goldbar
Because mens toilets are disgusting and men stand at a urinal with their dicks in their hands. Good grief.

Missingindevon · 22/01/2022 23:38

I was going to say the same @SpeedRunParent

Goldbar · 22/01/2022 23:41

[quote SpeedRunParent]@Goldbar
Because mens toilets are disgusting and men stand at a urinal with their dicks in their hands. Good grief. [/quote]
But then why is it acceptable for men to take little boys into the men's toilets? Should men be able to use the women's toilets if they have a male child with them?

IndigoandCerulean · 22/01/2022 23:41

[quote twelly]@IndigoandCerulean The issue raised by the OP is one that in the long term should be met by improved facilities but that takes time. I think we should be pragmatic in that there are disabled facilities that are available. The use of disabled car spaces is not the same and not part of this discussion. Disabled toilets are not always in use, the argument about needing quick access would apply if there another disabled person was using the facility. In a discussion everyone is entitled to their opinion - I am not speaking for anyone but am expressing an opinion[/quote]
It doesn't matter if the disabled toilet is in use or not. While you are using them a disabled person could turn up and end up soiling themselves waiting for you. Its better to be three hours too soon than one minute too late.

Don't use the disabled toilets if you are not disabled.

Non disabled people have no right to be in the disabled toilets. and legally vendors can eject able-bodied people from the disabled toilets.

Why invade the disabled toilets because the women's toilets are being invaded? Don't be an entitled selfish inconsiderate ablest punching down on venerable disabled people.

Don't use the disabled toilets if you are not disabled.

DdraigGoch · 22/01/2022 23:42

No male over the age of seven or so should be in the women's toilets while there are women in there (cleaners shout out warnings, put signs out etc. - they've got a job which necessitates going in both sides). Likewise no female over the age of seven or so should be in the men's toilets while there are men in there.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 23:44

For the people who think its ok...
If a father was to take his young daughter to a swimming pool with open plan single sex changing rooms, which changing room should they use?

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/01/2022 23:47

So dad's are too thick to cover eyes or direct/steer appropriately?

Does it not occur to anyone that the drama around this is created mostly to get out of parenting?

We manage don't we?

We plan our days and our journeys ams our activities with small children so this dilemma doesn't present itself.

Ask any mum and she will be asked to tell you where every toilet on a 3 mile radius is and which ones to avoid.

But men nooooo, men cannot possibly be expected to find somewhere suitable. No they take their kids and find the grottyest venue they can possibly findcomplete with half dead OD'ying tramp to step over and the worlds largest shit left in the toilet bowl.

If that's the kinda place your husbands are taking your.kids then the problem.is your husband.dont make.it my problem.or any other women or girl.

Senheiss · 22/01/2022 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

twelly · 22/01/2022 23:57

Sadly we liven a world where we all have to make decisions and we don't all agree. I don't think it is appropriate to for an adult male to use female toilets, nor in the case the OP highlights for the daughters to use the male toilets. Sending the children into the female toilets on their own is also not ideal - using disabled toilets in also not ideal, but I think if they are not being used the using them is a solution, occasionally there is more than one disabled toilet. This view is not ''ablest' but it is an opinion, it doesn't mean someone is selfish or inconsiderate it is an opinion.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/01/2022 00:01

If a child I'd young enough to need help to go to the toilet they are not going to be traumatised by seeing the back of a bloke standing over a urinal

Even if they did get a glimps of a penis why would that be an issue. All my boys have seen me on the loo or or in the bath as they bloody followed me everywhere. None of them are traumatised by it . Or by seeing men at urinals

Mumoftwoinprimary · 23/01/2022 00:05

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

If a child I'd young enough to need help to go to the toilet they are not going to be traumatised by seeing the back of a bloke standing over a urinal

Even if they did get a glimps of a penis why would that be an issue. All my boys have seen me on the loo or or in the bath as they bloody followed me everywhere. None of them are traumatised by it . Or by seeing men at urinals

That’s a very good point. I used to take ds into the toilet with me. (What else could I do with him?) At which point he would entertain himself by peering between my legs to see where the wee came out of and loudly asking questions such as “mummy - why don’t you have a Willy?”

He seems to have survived!

Lovelyricepudding · 23/01/2022 00:15

Non disabled people have no right to be in the disabled toilets. and legally vendors can eject able-bodied people from the disabled toilets.

Accessible toilets are provided to meet the requirement for reasonable adjustment under the equality act 2010. There is no legal right to eject anyone from them nor to exclude anyone from them. If there was it would require vendors to ask for private medical information - you cannot tell someone, adult or child, is disabled by looking at them.

Young children also soil themselves - my daughter was not reliable until she was five and even then had occasional accidents - both faecal and urinary - and would need to be washed and changed. I am unapologetic about using accessible toilets for this. Just as I am unapologetic about using them for incidence of faecal urgency for me if it is the nearest available.

Socialcarenope · 23/01/2022 00:18

DH takes DD to the men's. It's a total non-issue. My dad used to take me to the men's, I remember it and I'm not traumatised!

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 23/01/2022 00:29

@twelly

I think he should use the disabled toilets, the children need to go to toilet and that is as far as I can see the only solution - given the what is available at the present time. Of course campaign for family toilets - but these don 't appear overnight
so a person with a disability should potentially soil themselves because a parent doesn't want to take their children into a toilet that is perfectly accessible to them?
YetAnotherSpartacus · 23/01/2022 00:30

Why is it disturbing that a girl sees a man's penis and yet boys are routinely taken into women's spaces such as toilets and changing rooms where it is all hanging out? Women's bodies and privacy don't seem to be at issue from the gaze of boys.

Having said this, men's toilets are disgusting places and men would do better fighting for a family option.

Barbarantia · 23/01/2022 00:39

Or fighting for it to be cleaned more often?

I don't know. Maybe some men need to come up with proposing solutions for taking care of their own children when they are out and about.

I'm guessing one of the proposals would be employing women to take the girls to the ladies because well, women solve men's problems with children have always been better at things like this bla bla ba.

gettingmylifetogether · 23/01/2022 06:35

Why does everyone assume only men's toilets are covered in piss?

An eye-opening moment for me when I was much younger was waiting for a free cubicle and walking into it after a woman came out. It was an absolute mess. I didn't even know how it was possible. I'd always assumed toilet seats like that were created by men.

I think - I can only guess - that some women hover and don't clean up after themselves. Toilets can be dire whether they're for women, men or unisex.

At the end of the day, I think we're in this situation because so many architects are men. It's why women's toilets often don't have space for a sanitary disposal bin and it's wedged in next to the toilet bowl as an afterthought. It's why the changing facilities are only in the women's toilets. It's why there are no family toilets designed for parents of any gender, containing changing facilities and big enough to fit a massive pram.

Equality doesn't happen overnight and many buildings are quite old.

Take a time machine to the past and install some female architects and I think toilet facilities would be a million times better now. Women think about toilet issues very carefully.

bythere · 23/01/2022 07:12

"If a father was to take his young daughter to a swimming pool with open plan single sex changing rooms, which changing room should they use?"

It would have to be the men's changing room just like he would use the men's restroom. If there's no family changing room, of course. Why should it be any different?

It's much more important that adults of the opposite sex are kept apart from each other than adults from small children of the opposite sex. Children do not compromise privacy like an adult would.

SuperSleepyBaby · 23/01/2022 07:41

A different point - when my sons got to big for me to take into the women’s toilets - I really hated when i had to let them go alone into the mens. I would warn then to go in - lock the cubicle - don’t talk to anyone - leave if there was anyone acting weird- and come out quickly. I was not able to go in to the mens to check they were ok.

camperqueen54 · 23/01/2022 07:46

Many toilets are switching to gender neutral now anyway so it won't be a problem soon. I wouldn't use the disabled loo though.