Dad taking daughters into the ladies or disabled toilets

[MattDillonsEyebrows]

If a dad was on his own with two daughters ages 4 & 5, would you have an issue with him going into the ladies toilets with them? He says he would call out, that he is a man, and coming in with his daughters and would stay in a cubicle, and also call out when leaving the cubicle. But obviously he would need to use the sinks to wash hands.

Or would you suggest he uses the disabled toilets instead?

The reason he doesn't want to use the mens, is a) them having to walk past urinals and strange men peeing, and b) due to the all too common state of men's toilets in general and even the sit down toilet usually has pee all over the seat and is generally disgusting and he doesn't want to subject his daughters to this.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with this because I agree with his reasons for not wanting to take his daughters in there, but obviously his presence would more than likely make some women feel uncomfortable which he would not want to do.

Disabled toilet is obviously another option, but having seen some of the disabled toilet threads on here, that would also cause an issue if a disabled person was waiting. Obviously a child, is unlikely to be able to wait.

Please nobody retort with 'well the fact that men's toilet's are filthy isn't the women's problem' or similar as, whilst I agree with this sentiment, unfortunately they do tend to be gross and changing that would take huge societal change which let's face it, is not likely to happen soon.

Of course he shouldn't take them into the women's toilets. This is because he is a man. Dear God.

Or option 2.. claim it as an excuse as to why he can't take the kids anywhere.

Perhaps this is why mens loos r often filthy
Some kinda collective effort to protect men from their parenting duties 🤔

Toilets for the disabled ffs not disabled Toilets .

If the girls can’t manage in the loo by themselves, which at age 4-5 is surprising, then he has to take his daughters into the mens, or (and this is what most dads I know do if the child can’t cope alone) find a bush.

Totally agree that the men’s loos are disgusting, but the little boys have to use them and it’s gross for them too…

But at age 4-5 the girls will be using toilets with no help at school, so why can’t they go into the ladies on their own??

The one thing that is definitely NOT an option is for a grown man to march into the ladies toilets.

If using men’s toilets is a problem for him them he needs to be planning days out, shopping trips, etc with his daughters and researching where about the family toilets are.

The women's toilets aren't there for males who happen to find them more convenient than using the men's.
This^

No he needs to use the men's toilet. The state of the toilets isn't really relevant because little boys would use it too. Just clean it with wipes or get seat cover or such like if they're really gross.

@TurquoiseBaubles
I promise I'm not giving away any rights, even though I personally would not necessarily have an issue with this particular scenario, I agree with all the points raised in this discussion and would not advocate for the man to take his daughters into the ladies.
I agree with you.

The only reason I didn't want anyone to comment on the fact that the state of men's toilets is not women's problem (which I agree is isn't) is because I was looking for an answer to a particular issue.

my dad used to ask another mother to take me into the womens toilets when I was younger but it was very rare my mother wouldn't have been around. No way would he have come into the womens toilets, and no way would the women have allowed it!

The best options sound like using the family or disabled loo.

As a disabled individual who is also a mum, as well as a relative of a sexual abuse survivor, I’d be happy to wait if he did need to use the disabled loo and didn’t feel comfortable using the men’s . Using the women’s loo doesn’t sounds like it’d work.

It may not be the same in every area but don't most loos for the disabled also have baby change facilities? If so I don't think it would be inappropriate for a man to use those when he is out with young daughters.

No, he he to take them into the men’s, like every other father with daughters does.

Or use the baby changing room actually, that’s not just for babies but more of a family toilet/room

I think he either needs to take them into the mens or disabled loo's with him, or into the womens on their own, and wait outside the door for them.

Please don't use the disabled toilet if you're not disabled. We already share that with the baby changing unit usually. I'd be mightily pissed off if I had to wait to use the disabled toilet because a man can't bear to take his kids to the male toilets. I have MS and part of that means when I need to pee, I NEED to pee.

I try to plan any trips around my bladder so I don't have to pee when I'm out but occasionally plans go awry.

@JesusSufferingFuck22

Please don't use the disabled toilet if you're not disabled. We already share that with the baby changing unit usually. I'd be mightily pissed off if I had to wait to use the disabled toilet because a man can't bear to take his kids to the male toilets. I have MS and part of that means when I need to pee, I NEED to pee. I try to plan any trips around my bladder so I don't have to pee when I'm out but occasionally plans go awry.

But if you weren't sharing toilets with babies/families then there wouldn't be so many toilets for the disabled.

But if you weren't sharing toilets with babies/families then there wouldn't be so many toilets for the disabled

So many? There's like usually 1. Which is provided as they have to by law.

Its not some convenient by product of providing for families.

I think it’s more appropriate if they are that young they can just go into the mens with him. Absolutely never okay for a man to walk into the woman’s toilets.

This makes no sense.

He's unwilling to expose his little girls to a room where male people are toileting, because he's uncomfortable about this.

And his solution to this is to be a male person in a room where female people are toileting. But that's ok because he's the male person. How many male people need to be in the female loos before he finds that inappropriate too? Bearing in mind that it's not at all unusual for male people to use cubicles to pee with the door open in mixed sex spaces.

Yes, we need third spaces which provides family access like this as well as providing for all other people who don't need a single sex space.

@Whatwouldscullydo

But if you weren't sharing toilets with babies/families then there wouldn't be so many toilets for the disabled

So many? There's like usually 1. Which is provided as they have to by law.

Its not some convenient by product of providing for families.

The law doesn't state that a toilet has to be exclusively for the disabled though. If I was service that provided toilets then it would be allowable to provide an assessable toilet that anyone could use.

See this is why third spaces make so much sense. Not only do they solve the issue of where trans or non binary people can go if they're not comfortable with spaces provided by sex, they also allow a space for parents with opposite sex kids.

@Artichokeleaves

This makes no sense.

He's unwilling to expose his little girls to a room where male people are toileting, because he's uncomfortable about this.

And his solution to this is to be a male person in a room where female people are toileting. But that's ok because he's the male person. How many male people need to be in the female loos before he finds that inappropriate too? Bearing in mind that it's not at all unusual for male people to use cubicles to pee with the door open in mixed sex spaces.

Yes, we need third spaces which provides family access like this as well as providing for all other people who don't need a single sex space.

This comment, and the one earlier about setting a really bad example to his daughters about women's boundaries have hit home for me, and absolutely made me realise the ridiculousness of the situation. There really isn't a reason for men to be in the ladies toilets.

I will suggest he starts carrying anti-bac wipes with him and carries on going in the mens.

Thank you @Artichokeleaves

I always went with my dad into the men's which was generally fine. And actually we didn't tend to go into places where they were usually gross?

If that was really not possible for some reason I guess I'd think the next best option would be any type of single toilet. Or send the girls into the women's alone, my 5 year old could certainly manage though not all could.

If he needs any more convincing... ask if he would be happy in a few years watching an unknown man follow his daughters into the ladies, for whatever reason.

There is absolutly no way he should be going into the women's toilets.
There is absolutly no way he should be using the disabled facilities.

That leaves the option of family toilets if they exist, the mens, or sending the daughters into the ladies alone.

I've seen it happen once. It was at a casino in Las Vegas, he had three kids all probably under 8, the eldest didn't look old enough to help the youngest, who was probably too young to be able to hold it for long.
It honestly didn't cross my mind to be upset. I fully understood he couldn't take them into the mens, which would likely be full of drunks.

Shopping centres that have decent family facility's are brilliant and we need more all in units with space for parent and multiple kids.