"What are your pronouns?" Best response for a 14 yo?

[RhymesWithOrange]

DD is as well informed as I can manage on pronoun nonsense but we're both stumped for the best response if a friend asks her "what are your pronouns?"

Any advice on challenging/deflecting? With close friends she jokes (she's identified as a Samsung refrigerator, pronouns ice/tray, for a while now) but with people she knows less well it's harder to pull off.

Thank you

I think I'd be tempted by something along the lines of
' "Pronouns"? You sound like you're writing from a corporate HR department 🙄'

@ArabellaScott

Mean?

'I'd rather be rude than a fucking liar.'

Merry Christmas!

Yes!!!!

This link might be appropriate here too!

I hope RosesAndHellebores never has to address Gregor Murray.

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@Bergamotte if I wasn't sure I'd call you your name if I knew it to your face. To others probably as "the scruffy person".[/quote]
Ha! That's actually very accurate.

Not the most convenient pronoun though.
Eg. "Dear Team Leader, please remember to issue Bergamotte with the scruffy person's new keypass on Wednesday, as the scruffy person has booked annual leave so this will be the scruffy person's last day at work before we change the entry system."

@RhymesWithOrange

DD is as well informed as I can manage on pronoun nonsense but we're both stumped for the best response if a friend asks her "what are your pronouns?"

Any advice on challenging/deflecting? With close friends she jokes (she's identified as a Samsung refrigerator, pronouns ice/tray, for a while now) but with people she knows less well it's harder to pull off.

Thank you

You refer to her as she/her throughout this post so maybe she should just say that.

@ErrolTheDragon

I think I'd be tempted by something along the lines of ' "Pronouns"? You sound like you're writing from a corporate HR department 🙄'

Cringe ..

"I wouldn't dare to tell you how to speak English! But go on, take a risk - in all my 50 years, I've not heard anyone get it wrong about me, so I'm sure you'll be fine..."

You refer to her as she/her throughout this post so maybe she should just say that

Why should she bother? If people ask a stupid question they should expect a stupid answer.

@ErrolTheDragon so do I

@Stripyhoglets1

I've not been asked but if I am I have decided I will say "female pronouns - thanks"

This is perfect - a polite way to subtly make the point.

I do prefer to be polite and non-confrontational in general. I absolutely don't believe that disagreement is hatred, but I also pick my battles. An opening question of "what are your pronouns" wouldn't cause me to engage full TERF mode.

Thanks for responding, Vice. See, whatever your intention, I find someone asking me my pronouns very rude and offensive, as well as confrontational. So we're a bit stuck, aren't we? If someone asks me to use a particular pronoun, I will - well, generally I'll just avoid using pronouns and avoid that person, to be completely honest. But I certainly would have no wish to upset them and/or be rude to them.

(and now I'm totally torn between wanting to add a disclaimer that I completely understand that other people have different thresholds etc etc, whilst at the same time not wanting to come across as a spineless, grovelling people pleaser- oh the irony 🤣🤣🤣)

Yes, it's a situation where people are really put on the spot and as you can see, you run the risk of offending someone whatever you say. A bit like asking someone what football team they support - in Glasgow this used to be (apparently) just a sort of social formality before beating someone up. If you said Rangers they'd give you a kicking, if you said Celtic they'd give you a kicking, if you said 'nobody' they'd say you were [homophobic slur] and give you a kicking.

Another reason I bodyswerve pronouns - and in a professional capacity/setting would say anyone wanting to avoid causing potential offense would be advised to avoid using them and/or asking for them, tbh.

Is it just me or does she/her automatically slide into 'Cher'?

I could go for Cher pronouns circa 1967.

@BackwardsTurret

You refer to her as she/her throughout this post so maybe she should just say that

Why should she bother? If people ask a stupid question they should expect a stupid answer.

I think that poster thinks this is a stunning rebuttal so if you could act like it's the last courtroom scene in My Cousin Vinnie that'd be kind. Cheers.

I teach languages so I say "je, me, moi" or sometimes "ich mich mir"

Or sometimes I respond "reflexive, possessive or interrogative?"

Tends to do the trick.

Or sometimes if I'm feeling really cheeky I say "tā" which is Mandarin for both he/him and she/her depending on context.

In writing they differ: this is the male 3rd person 他 and this the female 她 but they sound exactly the same.

Again, it tends to do the trick.

She could snort and say "Pronouns? You sound like my mom's friends." If you don't object to a little light slander, OP, she could do her part to make the whole thing seem very uncool.

"But@OffCyclingI have a NAME! Why do (rhetorical) you need to know my 'pronouns'? Say my name is Mary (it isn't, but for argument's sake). Do you normally go, "hello she, how are you?" No. You'd say "Hello Mary, how are you?"
See what I mean?
Pronouns are not needed in communication. It's actually very rude to use pronouns and to ask for pronouns. The process needs to be stopped. That's why we're hitting back."

This actually makes no sense at all. You can't go around stating "pronouns aren't needed in communication" when in fact you've just been using a pronoun in the very sample sentence you've given us to illustrate that claim - to wit, the "you" in "hello Mary how are you". Sounds like you're confusing the concept of pronouns in general and third person pronouns.

Mine would be 'call me what you like, it really doesn't matter'

@OffCycling

Why does no one want to answer the question with "she /her"? Or did I miss that your daughter is trans / non-binary? With so many young people using different pronouns these days some (usually younger) people just want the clarity so as not to cause offence.

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

I identify as capybara!

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

I've been at pains to point out that I don't want my child to be rude to her friend who is genuinely confused by all this shit. But I won't ask her to participate in a dangerous lie either.

She knows it's bollocks though. I think the kids are finding it more and more risible as time goes on.

@RepentMotherfucker

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

I've been at pains to point out that I don't want my child to be rude to her friend who is genuinely confused by all this shit. But I won't ask her to participate in a dangerous lie either.

She knows it's bollocks though. I think the kids are finding it more and more risible as time goes on.

How would saying something like 'my pronouns are she her I guess but I don't really care' be a 'dangerous lie'. It's not even a lie.

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

Actually you're wrong. Its giving children the tools to be able to say no to things they are not comfortable with. If you buy into gender politics, damaging as it is, then fill your boots. Don't expect my children to be propping that up for you as unwilling participants. Its not going to be happening. If you find their refusal to join in with you rude, then I'm afraid thats your problem. No one elses.

If you really don't know what feminist objections to this whole pronoun nonsense are I guess you aren't reading the threads you are coming onto to lecture us all.

Which is your prerogative I guess but I don't need to rehash the whole thing for you surely?

@BackwardsTurret

Because some people are so obsessed with the culture war against trans people they will even encourage their children to be rude and confrontational to someone who is just being polite if they think it might score a point in the gender wars.

Actually you're wrong. Its giving children the tools to be able to say no to things they are not comfortable with. If you buy into gender politics, damaging as it is, then fill your boots. Don't expect my children to be propping that up for you as unwilling participants. Its not going to be happening. If you find their refusal to join in with you rude, then I'm afraid thats your problem. No one elses.

So if a feminist objects to marriage as many feminists do then is it acceptable to refuse to call someone by anything but their maiden name, or refuse to refer to someone as Mrs or Miss when that's how they prefer to be addressed?

We all make accommodations for other people that may not perfectly align with our belief. We all tell little lies. It's simple politeness, unless you want your kid to grow up to be the kind of obnoxious entitled brat who doesn't think they have to say please and thank you because they don't agree with it or would insist on keeping their shoes on if they had to go into a Mosque for some reason.