"What are your pronouns?" Best response for a 14 yo?

[RhymesWithOrange]

DD is as well informed as I can manage on pronoun nonsense but we're both stumped for the best response if a friend asks her "what are your pronouns?"

Any advice on challenging/deflecting? With close friends she jokes (she's identified as a Samsung refrigerator, pronouns ice/tray, for a while now) but with people she knows less well it's harder to pull off.

Thank you

She/her? All these other snarky, rude responses will just make her look self-entitled and rude. For a 14 year old girl who wants to make friends it seems like a terrible approach!

State that you don't have pronouns only gerunds.

Because lots of ppl don’t believe in gender identify the same way lots of pol don’t believe in god

Giving your pronouns is saying you believe in gender identity

And as I don’t believe in gender identify I couldn’t give a fuck what pronouns ppl use about me when I’m
Not thete but strangely as I’m a middle aged woman I’d be fucking amazed if they differed from my sex

@OffCycling

Why does no one want to answer the question with "she /her"? Or did I miss that your daughter is trans / non-binary? With so many young people using different pronouns these days some (usually younger) people just want the clarity so as not to cause offence.

Why on earth would anyone wish to associate themselves with an ideology they don't share? I wouldn't offer my pronouns any more than I'd offer my confirmation name as a non-Christian. It would be dishonest, a misrepresentation, a compromise of my personal beliefs and principles and frankly, it's none of anyone's business how I feel about my sex.

It's as fair to ask if someone accepts Jesus Christ as their lord and saviour as it is to ask if they agree with gender ideology.

@Lamerexo

She/her? All these other snarky, rude responses will just make her look self-entitled and rude. For a 14 year old girl who wants to make friends it seems like a terrible approach!

Genuinely intrigued whether you find my response snarky? (Something along the lines of "I don't mind, I believe all humans are equal")

My children are constantly misgendered /missexed. I believe gender stereotypes are BS and this has resulted in kids who don't conform to them. They don't mind when people think they are the opposite sex because they don't think it's an insult. They believe girls and boys have equal worth. Most of the time, with strangers, there is no need to correct their assumptions so they don't.

So do you think I should have brought my kids up to look like the stereotypes of their sex? Or should I have taught them that people mean them disrespect or harm when they misgender /missex them?

I'm a woman. My pronouns are she/her. Can't understand why anyone would wish to deflect or be rude or confrontational when asked this question.

I've only ever actually been asked this once, and the question wasn't asked with any malice at all. I just said "thanks for asking, but I don't really like to be defined by pronouns". That felt polite and non-confrontational, but crucially, it's actually true!

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

I'm a woman. My pronouns are she/her. Can't understand why anyone would wish to deflect or be rude or confrontational when asked this question.

If you RTFT it might give you a clue?

And then you could agree or disagree but this kind of 'haven't listened and won't engage' plopping is both rude and confrontational.

Yep, Vice. Its really very puzzling why some people think it's rude to not share the same beliefs/views as someone else, and rude to politely decline to pretend to share them.

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

I'm a woman. My pronouns are she/her. Can't understand why anyone would wish to deflect or be rude or confrontational when asked this question.

Because, as countless PP have said, by stating pronouns you are aligning yourself with a belief in gender ID. Hurrah for you, if you believe in that!

As we're told pronouns no longer relate to sex, then I genuinely couldn't give a crap which pronouns you use for me. Even "it". Go for it!

I don't believe in gender ID. I find gender to be a set of deeply harmful stereotypes that I do not identify with. I'm a gender atheist. Why should I pretend that I'm not? Would my Muslim neighbours want me to pretend to be Muslim? I think they'd be very perplexed if I did!

Is this the whole 'disagreement is hatred' thing? Is that what it is? Can you not understand that some people don't share your views, Vice? Do you see it as hostility if someone says clearly and politely that they disagree? Genuine question.

@Tavelo

'Queen'

Noooo @Tavelo I clicked not

It’s a great response!!

@OffCycling

Why does no one want to answer the question with "she /her"? Or did I miss that your daughter is trans / non-binary? With so many young people using different pronouns these days some (usually younger) people just want the clarity so as not to cause offence.

But @OffCycling I have a NAME! Why do (rhetorical) you need to know my 'pronouns'? Say my name is Mary (it isn't, but for argument's sake). Do you normally go, "hello she, how are you?" No. You'd say "Hello Mary, how are you?"

See what I mean?

Pronouns are not needed in communication. It's actually very rude to use pronouns and to ask for pronouns. The process needs to be stopped. That's why we're hitting back.

Wow you lot are mean!

Merry Christmas

Am I ok to say that without offending anyone?

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs what? Pronouns are always needed in conversation, maybe not directly between two individuals but between more than that it definitely is - he did, they did, she did, etc. I don't understand how it is so rude to use pronouns? It seems to me that you don't really understand what they are.

A pronoun - 'a word that can function as a noun phrase used by itself and that refers either to the participants in the discourse ' - in most cases it is used to refer to people in conversation and to stop the repetition of constantly repeating someone's name.

My response is “Oh, just call me Samantha” (substitute Samantha for DD’s preferred name).

If pronouns can cause such offence if we get them wrong, it’s best we (very easily) avoid using them at all.

Lol at the idea women should not be mean, isn’t that the flip side of beeeee kiiiiind
If being mean keeps children off unnecessary puberty blockers, biological men out of womens sport, refuges, prisons, rape survivors groups, groups for women who’ve had a still birth, of programmes designed to improve female representation then I’m happy to be mean

It starts with “she/her” and ends with fully intact biological men in woman’s prisons

[quote Lamerexo]@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs what? Pronouns are always needed in conversation, maybe not directly between two individuals but between more than that it definitely is - he did, they did, she did, etc. I don't understand how it is so rude to use pronouns? It seems to me that you don't really understand what they are.

A pronoun - 'a word that can function as a noun phrase used by itself and that refers either to the participants in the discourse ' - in most cases it is used to refer to people in conversation and to stop the repetition of constantly repeating someone's name.[/quote]
@Lamerexo I understand exactly what pronouns are, that is the reason for my posts. There is almost never a need for pronouns.

You don't say "Hello she". Hence no pronoun is needed face to face.

Also, when referring to a third person, you can say Mary did, Mary said, etc.

No need at all for pronouns. It's an ideology. And it's one that needs to be stamped out.

‘Whatever you like, but I’m female so that should give you a clue’

"Please don't ask people to out themselves as they may not be ready"

@Lamerexo As the poster above said, It starts with “she/her” and ends with fully intact biological men in woman’s prisons

That's what this is about.

@GeodesicDome

'Please use whatever pronouns you feel most appropriate '.

I have thought about using this one…. And I’m 99% sure that people would use she.

But I wouldn’t be happy if the person decided that they/them were the appropriate ones to use… and then I wouldn’t be able to challenge it because I’ve just said they can decide which ones to use.

@Theeyeballsinthesky

Lol at the idea women should not be mean, isn’t that the flip side of beeeee kiiiiind If being mean keeps children off unnecessary puberty blockers, biological men out of womens sport, refuges, prisons, rape survivors groups, groups for women who’ve had a still birth, of programmes designed to improve female representation then I’m happy to be mean

It starts with “she/her” and ends with fully intact biological men in woman’s prisons

Nobody is saying 'women shouldn't be mean', but a 14 year old girl who wants to make friends would make very little progress with some of the suggestions here like 'Why do you need to know?' or 'How dare you suggest I have pronouns?' At the end of the day she can say what she wants but some of the suggestions like 'just call me Samantha' or 'call me what you would like' sound much more appropriate if you 'don't agree with pronouns'.