DD declaring she is transgender

[SystemOverloaded]

To start, please can I ask you to be gentle. I'm not in a good place; this is not due in whole to this situation, but life has been hard and I've been struggling to carry on.
DD (now 16) told me she was a lesbian at 14. Obviously this was not remotely an issue, she was told it was completely normal and she could love whoever she wanted. About 6 months later she sent me a text message (which I could tell straight away was copied and pasted in part from the Internet) declaring she was non binary and wanted us to call her by another name and use she/they. Again, fine. We didn't make it a big deal, said its fine to be whoever you want to be and we would try and remember the name they wanted. I must admit DH does slip up with this but tries not to. In all honesty I think she wanted more of a "shocked" reaction and a scene. She is part of a computer gaming group online (since 14) who I have since learned are mostly non binary/trans and have a massive influence on her. She also goes to college and I would say 80% of the class are non binary or trans -I am not over exaggerating. I have this morning found a note to me and DH in her room saying she thinks she is a trans man. I just don't know where to go with this from here. In all honesty I genuinely don't think she is trans at all. Before I get jumped on this is NOT because I don't want a trans child at all. This is because I believe she is confused, easily led and unsure about her body and is desperate to fit in with a group and be accepted. She struggled at school to find a group of friends and was lonely a lot and she does tend to mould herself around people's identity/hobbies to fit in with them. Where do I go from here? I want to be supportive but I don't believe this is what she really feels. Please help, I'm so lost and terrified if I question anything with her I will lose her and she will hate me.
I suffer with depression and OCD and diagnosed severe anxiety, I run a business and have a son with SEN. Life is a uphill struggle at the moment even with a wonderful husband and kids and I don't know how much longer I can cope. It seems easier not to be here.

@0PhthaloBlue0

Extremely ill-judged to presume to offer medical advice.

Binders work through compression. The pressure is all on the developing breast tissue. This is not a healthy situation for growing and developing tissues.

You have no direct knowledge of the OPs daughter and yet you freely suggest binders and blockers in such a breezy manner? Ok!

In my day (early 90s) everyone wanted to be a goth.

She's just easily led and surrounded by people constantly talking about this.

Get her some new hobbies and some space. I might add, I've been told this by 4 or 5 teens that I know that it's literally the trendy thing to do right now.

Tissue necrosis, fractured ribs, breathing difficulty, inability to participate in sports. Just a few off the top of my head wrt binders.

Puberty blockers were only ever meant to be used short term in pre-adolescents with short stature. The long term effects on young adults/teens are still being collated, but conditions like osteoporosis, vaginal atrophy and heart /circulatory problems that depend on naturally produced oestrogen are a significant concern. They aren't a pause button by any means, especially not at 16.

Suggesting that healthy teenagers go on life changing drugs is irresponsible IMO.

@TurquoiseBaubles

"the breasts go right back to normal when you take the binder off" - have you got some links to show this is true?

You really shouldn't be posting about "reversible hormones" and "safe binders" without doing your research.

As I said in response to someone else, I know many people who have used a binder before, I've even used one once! And I can confirm, my breasts are just the same as they were before I used it, none of my friends had any issues either.

As for the hormone therapy, I don't have personal experience with, but I have looked into on behalf of loved ones. Again, I wouldn't recommend something I didn't know to be safe.

Here are some links:
www.gendergp.com/puberty-blockers-side-effects-pros-cons/
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/in-depth/pubertal-blockers/art-20459075

GenderGP in that link

Is that the people currently up for misconduct ?

Gender GP. Helen Webberly was struck off I believe.

@bordermidgebite

It seems however that many people do experience problems with binding such as permanent damage to breathing problems

There is also no evidence that the "affirmative " route leads to better outcomes than alternative approaches

The breathing problems are caused by unsafe binding (e.g. wearing for too long, having too small a size, ect.)

www.lgbtyouth.co.uk/a-guide-to-binding-safely
www.thegetrealmovement.com/bindsafe

As I said in response to someone else, I know many people who have used a binder before, I've even used one once! And I can confirm, my breasts are just the same as they were before I used it, none of my friends had any issues either.

So you worse a binder once for a costume, had no issues and neither have some of your friends that have worn them, so you are now advocating their use by a child who is confused about their gender, and therefore more likely to want to wear it for prolonged and repeated periods of time while their breast tissue is still growing?

Again, I wouldn't recommend something I didn't know to be safe.

That would be laughable if it what you were saying wasn't so bloody dangerous.

Cross sex hormones are from 16, puberty blockers are (primarily) for younger children.

GenderGP (as a link has been posted above) give cross sex hormones from even younger- they have given them to children as young as 13.

That’s cross sex hormones. Not puberty blockers. A big difference (though puberty blockers are equally problematic IMO).

Re binders, OP, please read the research, not some random on the Internet who minimises the risks:

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27300085/

With due respect @0PhthaloBlue0, I've even used one once! is no way equivalent to the prolonged method of use by most teenage girls wanting to compress their breasts for transgender reasons.

Your blithe attitude and posts really do not show careful thinking or consideration in this matter.

In case googling hasn't shown you, the doctors who run/started this company are currently being investigated for breaching medical guidelines - they have been found to not be trained nor licenced to prescribe medication for gender issues I believe. There are numerous threads about these discredited doctors on here. Please do not advertise disreputable practioners, especially "medical" ones.

[quote DoubleTweenQueen]@0PhthaloBlue0

Extremely ill-judged to presume to offer medical advice.

Binders work through compression. The pressure is all on the developing breast tissue. This is not a healthy situation for growing and developing tissues.

You have no direct knowledge of the OPs daughter and yet you freely suggest binders and blockers in such a breezy manner? Ok![/quote]
It is safe for anyone to wear a binder as long as they are wearing it safely and have one that fits correctly. I've already replied with links that explain how to safely use binders. I may not know about OPs child, but I do know about binders. Again, I wouldn't recommend something I wouldn't use myself, and I wouldn't have ever worn one if I had done research and found them to be dangerous.

For clarity, my last post was referencing @0PhthaloBlue0 's link to GenderGP.

I've even used [a binder] once! And I can confirm, my breasts are just the same

ONCE. Can hardly believe what I’m reading. I once went into a building with asbestos in it and my lungs are fine. And based on this experience i recommend that people should sprinkle asbestos on their cornflakes. I wouldn’t recommend anything I didn’t know to be safe.

That poster’s blithe blithe, clueless dismissal of the health of teenage girls is absolutely vile.

Does your DD have autistic traits if you say DS has SEN? Sexual confusion and attaching herself to a trans community could be part of an undiagnosed ASD

OP this is just a trend. I work in a secondary school and it's very trendy atm to be anything other than straight. We have kids actively encouraging others to 'try' it out. It's seen as being cool and very on trend.
The majority of students (but not all) who are stating (and in some instances changing several times) their gender have some sort of SEN...oh and before I get lambasted for saying that, I have access to the database so it's all on there.

Actually, the gender reassignment surgery available at 16 years old are hormone blockers, which only put a pause on the regular changes, and if taken off of them, puberty will resume as normal

Clueless. Simply clueless. Conflating PBs with cross sex hormones.

Pretty basic stuff to get wrong.

@0PhthaloBlue0 I don’t believe OP’s daughter has mentioned either a desire to bind or take puberty blockers, so your ‘advice’ is misplaced, as well as potentially harmful just as your links for reference are suspect and self-serving.

@peachescariad

OP this is just a trend. I work in a secondary school and it's very trendy atm to be anything other than straight. We have kids actively encouraging others to 'try' it out. It's seen as being cool and very on trend. The majority of students (but not all) who are stating (and in some instances changing several times) their gender have some sort of SEN...oh and before I get lambasted for saying that, I have access to the database so it's all on there.

I think if it was simply a trend, it might not be such a potential issue, but a lot of very young pupils are being influenced in secondary schools, and it is causing these young people considerable psychological and emotional; stress and conflict. My yr7 dd being one of these. Please be very very careful about safeguarding the children in our schools - because it is being brushed off as a trend, and not being taken as seriously as it should.

Actually, the gender reassignment surgery available at 16 years old are hormone blockers,

Surgery is knife to skin, progressing to removal or repair of internal organs.

Puberty blockers and cross sex hormones are drugs. Not surgery.

@Justine (mumsnet) @LilyMumsnet @HopeMumsnet @MichaelMumsnet @JustineMumsnet.

Here a mother needed support for her and her lesbian daughter and was getting support.

At Tue 07-Dec-21 13:50:27 a trans activist derailed it. Given what the OP said, allowing the reported posts to remain doesn't seem to be in the spirit.

Oh blimey.
I don’t know what to say op but it’s quite scary how many young people are being influenced by this just to feel like they’re fitting in. It’s not just a trend, trends don’t cause long term health damage and they don’t change who we are too deeply.

As for the hormone therapy, I don't have personal experience with, but I have looked into on behalf of loved ones. Again, I wouldn't recommend something I didn't know to be safe.

You can't "know it to be safe", because it isn't. There is more evidence suggesting that puberty blockers and cross sex hormones are unsafe than there is that they are "safe".

[quote FindTheTruth]@Justine (mumsnet) @LilyMumsnet @HopeMumsnet @MichaelMumsnet @JustineMumsnet.

Here a mother needed support for her and her lesbian daughter and was getting support.

At Tue 07-Dec-21 13:50:27 a trans activist derailed it. Given what the OP said, allowing the reported posts to remain doesn't seem to be in the spirit.[/quote]
Why do you call them a trans activist just because they have a different opinion? I agree with a lot of what the gender critical posters say but I also have a non binary child. Doesn't make me an activist.

I find it strange how many people say, 'take them on holiday and they'll fee differently' lol. Exactly the kind of thing they used to say to the parents of gay kids.

This is tough op, I’ve banned my teen from social media as the gender thing has definitely become a trend, and there are some very dangerous adults out there leading it. You’ve been given some great advice and links to resources here, personally I’d advise avoiding anything groups or forums with ‘LGBT’ in them, they are all converted, as a lesbian it’s with great sadness I say that.