Omnisexual 11 year old

[Perplexedmother]

DS was talking about his new friend today who is omnisexual. I had to look it up to understand it properly and when I did I saw just how many different labels (and flags!) there are. What's with the label obsession!! I'm genuinely intrigued about what's going on with young people that drives the need for labels. I know it's always been a thing to find your tribe/identity as a young person. Is that what this is?

I know this should probably be in parenting but I've already spent the day feeling like a lectured dinosaur, it's safer here!

@CheeseMmmm

Storminamu

Just checking is that for info or is it something you know a lot about? If the latter would you be able to answer a couple quick questions if you feel they are reasonable ones?

I just looked it up online as no-one had heard of it - sorry.

I'm assuming this child has very woke parents and she/they are attempting to express tolerance/acceptance That wouldn't be my first assumption. I would assume the child doesn't feel heard or seen on an emotionally neglectful level and is looking for attention.

Why on earth are 11 (or even and especially 8) year olds thinking about who they want to shag?

Why assume it's from home?

Neglectful parents
Woke parents
Unrestricted internet

I don't understand why blame the parents is so often the answer to everything!

Dunno if you read my posts.

They talk to each other at school! It's the current 'thing'. Tribal. Show you're an alternative type.
It's all over BBC, in a lot of schools.

It's a youth culture thing.

And for the vast majority that's all it is.

I do think that it’s possible for 11 year olds to understand their own sexuality, however infantile.

However, sometimes I wonder whether this longing for ‘community’ comes from the lack of real community in real life (e.g. the times where everyone knew the post man type thing). I’m not a dinosaur, I’m in my early 20s and I grew up in a city, it was popular for some groups to be ‘EMO’/bisexual (even if they weren’t) when I was a teen but now it seems mainstream. I think a lot of very young tween/teen groups get exposed to these topics without the maturity or real life experience to explore them, hence why we are seeing this explosion in identity politics among such young people who have been using social media since they could just about spell.

The best thing that anyone can do is to be supportive, musing, if you like. Wait for it to pass or progress. The worst thing is probably to oppose it as it will cause unnecessary rebellion. Every generation goes through another so-called revolution, let themselves call themselves hat they want- it probably isn’t very significant in terms of being detrimental to their wellbeing.

How have we got 11 year olds who are so immersed in the language of sex and sexuality?!

I agree, and find it quite sad really. I agree with a pp who said there are no tribes any more, and this seems to be what they have been replaced by. We had ways of dressing, different music etc. that said who we were but things have changed and this seems to be what defines them now. When I think back to myself at 11 I couldn't have imagined a world like this.

In the early 80s girls across the country were singing 'I'm a virgin' and trying to dance like Madonna.

Just saying.

Didn't mean they actually understood the lyrics as more than just words.

Fashion/ media/ tribes. Children/ teens haven't changed. Declaring/ showing which tribe you're in is very important. Doing and saying things because it's the thing to do or seems cool.

Of course through school children get to grips with sexuality. Also loads strugglebwith narrow gender roles that's been going on for yonks (forever). Some may be dysphoric. In a bad way MH. Etc.

Most children it doesn't mean anything at all.

Like a virgin! Autocarrot.

11 year old and already sexual? And bisexual at that?

[shakes head]

Why the determination to assume the worst?

Anyone feel like trying to explain? I genuinely don't get it.

And yes some children know they are straight/ bi/ gay lesbian at that age.

I certainly knew which sex I fancied at that age albeit only nebulous and innocent. I had crushes on various male pop stars at that age. Hardly unusual.

Loads of girls are really developed 11. Boys not so many but some.

Heterosexual people it's the norm so probably not really thought about. Bi/gay/lesbian confusing as know feel different to others.

You must know this.
Bay city rollers?
Beatles?
Baywatch v popular with boys.

It's not about having sex fgs. Wanting sex. It's about fancying people.

And as for gender. Fitting in with narrow heavily enforced gender norms.

That's also completely normal and nothing new. Now it's been turned into a million labels. And we all know the issues.

For most children it is the current thing. Choosing labels is the new are you goth rock dance indie etc.

For the vast vast majority that's all there is to it!

The labels are new but fancying people, and feeling uncomfy with expectations due to sex is standard and most definitely not new.

@PickAChew

Why on earth are 11 (or even and especially 8) year olds thinking about who they want to shag?

I know, it’s worrying. In my opinion age 10/11 is the age for starting to have little crushes. My 10yo has definitely had crushes, but all on tv characters/pop stars etc. It’s quite young to be thinking about this stuff in a real world setting if that makes any sense?

I seem to remember being the same as my dd around that age. Like my friends and I would talk about who in west life we fancied the most, but no talk of real life type of stuff/what’s your sexuality. It was all very hypothetical to me at age 10/11.

I'm assuming this child has very woke parents and she/they are attempting to express tolerance/acceptance That wouldn't be my first assumption. I would assume the child doesn't feel heard or seen on an emotionally neglectful level and is looking for attention. Possibly not parents at all. Was just based on what I know of parents where I live (guess??!)

DS1 already attempts to be a little alternative, and tells me about his still relatively new classmates in terms of what their"thing" was. One was a girl who has loads of badges on her blazer.

The omnisexual thing made me aware we're about to hit the teenage years. It must be difficult to do teenage parent separation and teenage rebellion when parents are liberal.

Omnisexual as in attracted to everyone? I'd be pointing out that covers paedophilia and animals tbh and suggest they land elsewhere for a while.

Ds has mentioned that there is a trans boy and a trans girl in his year. That one friend has a boyfriend and some girls are so annoying often gets mentioned that’s about it

He knows the labels but has never said he identifies with them

I think some children will always want an identification marker and others do not need one it’s a confusing time but for some more so than others

It’s all so sad. It’s natural for teenagers to want to “belong” to a tribe but in my day it was music which most teenagers defind themselves by. How did we get to the point where 10 year olds are talking and thinking so much about sex.

All the focus on sex and sexuality at such a young age shows just how sexualised children are these days. It’s the fixation and obsessing and the seeming need to have everyone publicly mark themselves. We forget that these are not adults.

They have not even gone thru puberty. It’s not about being straight or gay, it’s that children are fixated on sexual things younger and younger and this is usually a red flag. But for some reason we are acting like this is nothing to be concerned about.

Of course children have crushes at this age. But for children to be so fixated on labeling who they are attracted to at such a young age is really sad. They should be outside playing in nature with friends and just enjoying being children.

It seems as is childhood no longer exists and children don’t have any period of life except for being an actual baby where sex does not permeate their life. Very very sad… and disturbing.

*Why the determination to assume the worst?

Anyone feel like trying to explain? I genuinely don't get it.*

I suppose it's the bluntness of the word "somethingsexual" coming out of a child's mouth. As if they are going to be using their immature genitals and having sexual intercourse. As though they already know what search term they would be under on a porn site. That there's already pressure to know what type of sex people have, and to choose and declare your allegiance, years before you would be having actual sex.

It's a level beyond what most people remember of the mild crushes at that age. Thinking both Kylie and Jason were pretty and smiley and that you wanted to hang out with both/either of them did not mean you were bisexual when I was a kid.

These " inclusive" sexualities worry me.

Dating by its very nature is exclusionary. Of 99.9 percent of peope all the time.

11 yesr old should still be out playing. Not trying to define themselves with sexualities.

I watched the latest series of The Babysitter's Club. And in it the character Dawn, who is 13, describes herself as being pansexual, she doesn't use that word but describes being open to all kinds of genders and every kind of person. However, the way she did it in the show, wasn't a case of her describing her sexuality it was out and out virtue signalling. It was like she was magnanimously announcing that she was accepting of all people and just a better, more generous person for it. And she is praised by her friend for her wonderful attitude.

And I worry that there is a bit of a push to slightly groom children, especially girls, to accept anyone and everyone as a potential lover. To make them feel like those who do are better people. Because that was a scene written by adults and instead of having a young teenager talk about how she finds herself attracted to boys and girls. They chose to have the most super woke character talk about her willingness to be open to anyone as a potential partner as an expression of her open mindedness. And it felt like a deliberate message to the audience, that good, kind aware people are willing to be sexually available to whoever.

@CheeseMmmm !

I think it's good that kids no longer (or less often) think 'Oh God, maybe I'm gay, this is terrible' when they first have a crush on a mate of same sex, but also that deciding you're definitely some kind of other-sexual is also swinging a bit far the other way!

Re: grooming I am planning to talk to eldest about just because this is their scene, to be aware that not everyone is 'safe', ATM their social media is restricted to friends only but they will not remain the case as they get older and I can see that the LGBTQ+ scene among young teens can give unsavoury characters a new angle to get to kids.

I mean, at the milder end you know, you totally know, that IRL there are and will be men and boys who affect to be non-binary as the way of getting into a certain kind of girls/AFAB person's pants. And I want to make oldest aware of that as well.

*when I say 'at the milder end' I'm talking about between peers, not about paedos, obiviously that's not mild at all.

I think it's good that kids no longer (or less often) think 'Oh God, maybe I'm gay, this is terrible' when they first have a crush on a mate of same sex, but also that deciding you're definitely some kind of other-sexual is also swinging a bit far the other way!

Wouldn't it be nice to have a world where the reaction to DD bringing home Bob/Sue/Zeus/Sam would be the same. "That's lovely dear, is your partner nice to you?" If yes, great. If not, unleash the fires of hell. But that's not the case currently.