Omnisexual 11 year old

[Perplexedmother]

DS was talking about his new friend today who is omnisexual. I had to look it up to understand it properly and when I did I saw just how many different labels (and flags!) there are. What's with the label obsession!! I'm genuinely intrigued about what's going on with young people that drives the need for labels. I know it's always been a thing to find your tribe/identity as a young person. Is that what this is?

I know this should probably be in parenting but I've already spent the day feeling like a lectured dinosaur, it's safer here!

At 11? Come on

My DD is constantly telling me that 98% of the pupils at her (single sex) school are not straight. This seems to defy the "usual" stats in adults so it seems to me that the majority of these girls are bowing to pressure to define themselves at a very young age. Sadly as soon as they start senior school the school seems to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about LGBT issues and TikTok etc don't help (don't get me wrong I have no problem with schools teaching about sexuality however it seems to have become an all-consuming topic).

Op don't worry.

It's the current tribes thing.

I remember year 6 dd1 had watsapp group with 3 school friends. (Rule was she had to let me check it. I would skim just to check nothing dodgy.)

This 4 yr6 group though was eh? So read a bit.

It was to me aww bless.

They were all saying are you going to come out? Do you want to come out? How do you think they'll react?

They each had both a gender identity and new label sexuality they were considering revealing. All 4? Probability? They also all had posting names different to actual name.

Like. Bigender greysexual. That sort of thing.

And the agonising! I know the parents and the reaction I'm sure would have been eg that's nice, what would you like for tea? Would be a certainty.

It's the thing now for those who would have been 'alternative' in my day. Indie, goth, etc.

Don't worry and don't make a fuss about it.

They're 11!

@Livpool

I knew I 'liked' Han Solo when I was about 10 so I don't think children that age don't know. BUT I hate that sexuality is viewed as the only identity at the moment. There is so much more to life (especially when you are 11)

Funny that Harrison Ford in all his roles cemented our feelings of straightness!

@MrsTerryPratchett he was so beautiful!

Although my younger friend is a lesbian and said at a young age fantasised about being best friends with Cordelia from Buffy!

I suppose you only realise when you are older

My DD is constantly telling me that 98% of the pupils at her (single sex) school are not straight.

It's much cooler to say you're bi even when you've only ever liked boys.

TBF it was similar in goth circles in the 80s and 90s. Oh crap, maybe we started it.

Dd1 now yr 9 girls school. Group of about 7 girls. All have a gender id. They call each other by names not their actual ones. All of them. No hint of wanting to actually do anything else.

It really is just the thing in some groups of children, tribal. They are all cheerful and close. I try to keep up with the name changes when taking DD but have defaulted to 'they' for all of them. Explained to DD I am older and memory not do good. I'll just say they and she said no it's fine.

I mean. Unless child is unhappy/ depressed etc then I wouldn't worry at all.

Incidentally this sort of post in other circles response is YOU WANT CHILDREN TO DIE.
Yeah mums just so many aok with their children/ other children dying. Mothers are known for having zero interest in looking after their children. Trufact.

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DD is constantly telling me that 98% of the pupils at her (single sex) school are not straight.

It's much cooler to say you're bi even when you've only ever liked boys.

TBF it was similar in goth circles in the 80s and 90s. Oh crap, maybe we started it.

Punks Mods Etc etc

It's a teen thing. No more no less.

This one is so worrying because it's being driven by adults, outrageous stats and statements, in mainstream politics, undermining women and girls etc etc etc.

I dont remember anything like that with blur, the pixies, the smiths etc.

Or was there a bit of a grown up news panic about goth making teens depressed and dire consequences? Think maybe.

However. Parents who said why always black? Just a bit of colour would be nice sometimes! Weren't accused of literally wanting their children to die...

My first thought about any child of that age declaring that they are omnisexual, pan, or obscure gender identities etc is that they are spending too much time unsupervised on the Internet.

It is a teen thing - I don't think kids are 'confused', but they are overthinking it a tad and it is largely harmless!

I have said this to oldest (13) who identifies as non-binary and is pondering whether they are bisexual or pansexual etc and I have said to them they really don't have to worry about that yet, or what gender they 'feel'. I've said that they and a lot of their friends are likely not really 'sexual' at all yet and they don't have to expend energy on considering where they might fall. I expect it'll all even out in the next few years as kids realise actually, they're just attracted to the opposite sex really and/or maybe labels will just fall away and people will feel comfortable being attracted to whichever sex (or non-gender identifying type!)

As you see I am respecting their pronouns as I think the best approach is to keep the conversation going and not making it an issue. The important thing is they've told me they're happy with their body and the one thing they're pretty sure they're not is male - dysmorphia is not something I want to have to deal with and I have reinforced the importance of loving and accepting your body (not in terms of gender per se, but generally, and I think it's sunk in!)

I'm sure she knows her feelings are for both boys and girls, not sure about omni, pan is the term I've heard ... my dd calls herself bi though

@Perplexedmother

I'm assuming this child has very woke parents and she/they are attempting to express tolerance/acceptance. It felt quite inappropriate to me. Crushes on either sex are surely pretty normal at 11. I can't see an 11 year old independently questioning her sexual orientation to the extent she would have arrived at this label.

Or else they have let restrictions on internet access slide during lockdown.

So here it is:

Pansexuality
Omnisexuality is often compared to pansexuality as they both describe an attraction to all genders, however they can also be distinguished from one another, often being used to indicate a specific and personal experience of one's attraction to all genders.

The most commonly cited difference is that omnisexuals factor gender into their attraction to a individual, whereas pansexuals generally do not feel any internal difference between genders, or that any difference felt between genders is irrelevant, it does not factor into their attraction. This is what is meant when pansexuals are referred to as “gender blind”.

Omnisexuals may also feel a difference in attraction between genders. This can manifest in having a preference for certain gender(s). It can also feel that attraction to a certain gender feels different to the attraction to another. (for example: they may feel like the act of being attracted to a woman feels different then being attracted to a man). Omnisexuals may be attracted to entirely different traits for different genders, or may find certain traits more attractive in some genders than in others. Some individuals may choose to identify with both terms simultaneously, while others may feel that one describes them more accurately than the other. As such the distinction between pansexual and omnisexual often comes down to individual preference.

OR this stuff gets talked about at school! Plus it's on BBC, and plenty schools added all sorts to phse. It's everywhere.

It's always blame the parents, I personally think because it's easier than looking at the actual problem.

Omnisexual means you feel attracted to all of the sexes that exist.

Which is two.

On the point of previous teen sub cultures somr might enjoy this: punks, goths and mods on irish tv 1983

That clears that up then Storminamu

I’d be happier going along with the harmless tribes theory if there weren’t whole bloody armies of plastic surgeons and drugs companies making money out of those kids for whom the label becomes so much part of their psyche that they feel the need / take the chance to mutilate themselves and / or render themselves infertile.

It's an extension of pokemon

@FFSFFSFFS

An 11 year old shouldn’t be sexual at all is my view on the matter.

Crushes for sure - and if they’re same sex crushes fab.

But I think this sort of thing just shows the grim reality of what’s behind the scenes of this new wave queer identity burst. It’s not above love or same sex relationships.

My thoughts exactly. How the hell can an 11yr old know what sexuality they are? The vast majority won't have finished going through puberty yet! Their hormones won't be flowing in full force just yet.

Many girls will be well on the way.

Boys not so much.

Saying label this label that is a thing. It doesn't mean that they know anything past pick a label.

Thus say that's nice what do you want for tea. If otherwise cheerful etc.

Storminamu

Just checking is that for info or is it something you know a lot about? If the latter would you be able to answer a couple quick questions if you feel they are reasonable ones?

Friends 10yo changed their name and pronouns. 10!!! At 10 I wanted to be a pony .

I do wonder if this will pass in schools. Any guesses of what comes next once all the gender tribe interest has died down?

I'm thinking of a wider neutrality tribe, i.e the opposite of labels, selection of names like water or earth, no rainbows, drag looks or overdone looks.