16 yo DS called me a TERF

104 replies

Skatastic · 27/08/2021 09:12

He (formally she) came our as trans at the beginning of the year and we've done everything we can to support this. We call him his preferred pronouns, use his preferred name, listen to his woes.

Had a massive argument with him the other day and he called me a TERF. Other highlights were that when I said I don't want to be described as CIS I'm transphobic.

Another massive argument yesterday because I said I don't believe the 'trans women are women' rhetoric. He said well you don't believe I'm a man do you then? And the problem is no, I don't. I think he has serious mental health problems and this has all got tied up in trans stuff.

What the very fuck do I say? Is there a good way to say it? Why is he so fucking self righteous about it? Told me I can't have experienced any difficulties cos I'm a woman. Riiggghhhhtttt I must have dreamed those sexual assaults, sexism at work, being overlooked for promotions because I had to have time off for poorly children (him being one of them, oh the irony).

Not sure what I'm asking for. Solidarity?

OP posts:

IcakethereforeIam · 27/03/2024 20:43

Looked after kids are also over represented. One of the Julies wrote about Blackpool, which has loads of children's homes and lots of children who think they're trans.

WaterWeasel · 28/03/2024 09:50

DadJoke · 27/03/2024 16:03

Good on you for using your child's name and pronouns, despite your gender critical beliefs.

The most difficult lesson for a teen is "let other people be wrong" - which is more "allow people to have different opinions to you."

I found this very jarring tbh and it was clear early in the thread that some posters thought they were talking about a boy not a girl.

I have worried for a long time that socially affirming these poor confused kids adds a layer of difficulty for them that is hard to imagine. She knows that she is female, she has autism and she is clearly in mental distress - I just feel that it is deeply harmful and it makes me very uneasy.

WaterWeasel · 28/03/2024 09:51

Childrenofthestones · 27/03/2024 19:57

Ever noticed how so many of these girls are white and middle class? How very rarely you see a black girl and never see a South Asian girl doing this?
Check out Janice Fiamengo's theory on why.
Rapid onset gender dysphoria
She posits that in the left wing bubbles these girls live, the victim totem pole they abide by places them one step from the bottom. She suggests that while black and Asian girls are covered for their left wing cache by virtue of being black or Asian., the only people who have less cache/social value on the left than white middle class girls are white men. By deciding to transition they lift themselves from the bottom to the very top of the victim list.

Yes this makes so much sense. A family member fits this almost perfectly.

Original poster

SkaTastic · 28/03/2024 17:07

@WaterWeasel how is it jarring? I'm referring to my child in a way I've become used to (other than every now and then when I forget) and I'm fairly confident he isnt using Mumsnet.

I think mentioning my child was considering a mastectomy would give people a good clue about the sex they were born as.

As mentioned throughout we use the pronouns he would like us to use because at that point his mental health was so poor that we didn't have any fight in us to say no. Which means we've kept our communication lines open and it will hopefully help if he does decide to detransition. And if he doesn't? I'll continue to use the pronouns he prefers.

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