Have been called transphobic by my trans child

[Firevixen]

My trans boy child just called me transphobic because I said they couldn't have their boyfriend over for a sleepover because they have a penis. My DC is 14 and the BF is 15.

They asked me what about if they had a transgirl stay over and I said that would be a no too because they have a penis.

So my DC thinks I'm transphobic and that I think that they are going to go around having sex with everyone.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? no one in their right mind would let two underage teenagers of the opposite sex, who are dating, have a sleepover, would they?

there’s no personal fact checkers assigned out there in meatspace.

Nice use of words people who spend all their time in a basement on Reddit use.

MrsWooster brilliant post.

May I make a suggestion?

Don't engage with posters who want to derail the thread: why this thread is in this particular topic is neither here nor there; ditto concern about women in prison.

As I learnt, if you have concerns about a poster's intentions, report them for trolling and scroll past their posts.

The poster with the odd opinions on parenting has, on other threads, claimed to have awful issues with their own childhood and adulthood which may well have rendered their boundaries, parenting ability (and possibly mental function) rather damaged. I’m not trying to excuse them, but there is serious something concerning about their comments beyond them just being arsey. I hope they can get the help they need.

No sleepover with people of the opposite SEX
Gender is a different matter.
Your Teen is just throwing a tantrum and saying something to get a reaction

Children have all sorts of daft ideas and the idea that you’re transphobic because you won’t allow mixed sex sleepovers is one of them. In years gone by the accusation would probably have been along the lines of “you’re obsessed with sex, girls and boys can be friends you know?!!” It all sounds utterly age appropriate and rather cliched, though for Gods sake don’t share that with your child in case they explode in an attempt to show you how VERY different things are now..

Gosh let's hope you don't have kids fucknuckle. As you clearly have no clue about how to keep them safe.

This is not part of engaging but in terms of posters not being concerned about women in prison before, so what if that is the case, people are allowed to change and develop their views over something. If that is someone's line in the sand then it is there.

@MrsWooster is right, and sounds at the end of her tether. Some support for her might be good.

A female person gets pregnant when a male person puts their penis inside them, or if sperm gets into the vagina.

So it's a no from me.

God mum you're so uncool! 😂😂 it's the Kevin and Perry of the new age. Seriously, laugh it off

MrsWooster

💐

Hopefully MNHQ will keep the post up, you’re only saying what we are all thinking

Mrs Wooster 💪💪💪💪💪

Meh - if my 14 year old called me transphobic because I wouldn't allow a cock in their bedroom I'd just roll my eyes and get on with my day. Seriously, the word is bandied about so much now it's meaningless - who cares?

I can't even imagine asking my mum at 14 if my boyfriend could sleep in my bed - she'd have thought I'd lost my feckin' mind 😆

MrsWooster.

Interesting that MrsWooster's post has been deleted, but the other poster's posts, including the ones generalising about Mumsnet posters and this board in particular, are all still there.

Obviously "be kind and respectful" only goes one way.

@TurquoiseBaubles

MrsWooster.

Interesting that MrsWooster's post has been deleted, but the other poster's posts, including the ones generalising about Mumsnet posters and this board in particular, are all still there.

Obviously "be kind and respectful" only goes one way.

True but also those kind of posts are less likely to be reported in the first place, which is fine by me - I'm very happy for them to stand for everyone to see.

@MrsWooster - I sympathise.

True but also those kind of posts are less likely to be reported in the first place, which is fine by me - I'm very happy for them to stand for everyone to see

Unfortunately this is true….i will do what the majority of the board prefer and I understand the thinking

But left to my own devices i would report…there is a 3 strikes position on this board specifically (and only for the ‘right’ kind of poster) and it only works by reporting…and then complaining once a poster has been deleted masses of times and is still there! 😀

it’s about parenting, no need to get all specific about cocks and fannies. everyone knows what goes where, your child did not need a reminder about why THEY feel uncomfortable in THEIR OWN body.

Surely parenting teenagers is all about potentially embarrassing and awkward conversations, involving cocks, fannies, bras, periods, erections, pregnancy, drugs, relationships, boundaries etc. These topics can't be avoided because they make teenagers squirm.

And no, sadly, we can't assume that 14 year olds know "what goes where". The school might have had someone in from Mermaids talking about gender fluidity and clownfish. The daughter might have bunked off the Sex Ed lesson for a crafty fag behind the bike sheds. Someone with coloured hair on TikTok might have said they've literally changed sex, and they are much cooler than Mrs Yawn the Biology teacher.

It is entirely pertinent to remind the OP's daughter that they have a vagina and their boyfriend has a penis. You cannot identify out of biology.

Surprise! Like I said, I’m past caring about deletions etc.
Posters who come here simply to attack parents who are doing our best to protect our children from lies and damage are shit. I hope they enjoy the kudos from their fellow halfwits on Twitter and the other MRA, libfem hellholes when they go running back to show how brave and edgy they’re being.

Many thanks to those who said I need support etc-I’m surfing on a wave of righteous anger and it’s surprisingly invigorating sometimes I get a bit tired of being frightfully balanced and fair

Dad's wild accusations are just the 14yo equivalent of the 9yo cry of, "Everyone else in my class has a pony* - you're ruining my life!"

*Insert whatever expensive luxury item or experience child feels deprived of here.

Hold the line with an iron hand and a deaf ear to ridiculous slurs, OP. No mixed-sex sleepovers, regardless of gender!

It's your house and it's you CS would be grilling about what might happen if you yield.

There's a risk that actual feminist issues will be drowned out by general gender/parenting queries.
There's a risk that general gender/parenting queries which have links to feminist issues (silencing women through words, muddying language etc.) will be drowned out by derailing posts fretting over which section is most appropriate.

@Katedanielshasakitty

She doesn't consider herself a lesbian because her boyfriend is a trans boy. She also feels calling herself a lesbian would be invalidating her boyfriend.

This is crazy. If your dd is a lesbian there is no reason why she should have to hide that to make her trans boyfriend happy.

She accepts his identity, why can't he accept hers.

Just explain that you think they're too young to be sleeping in the same room/bed and no amount of yelling at you about being transphobic is going to change that. Not sure why you brought penis/no penis into it but they're underage.