A boy in dd’s Guides Unit

[Hoosi]

DD went for her first session at a Guides unit yesterday. She has been asking to go for weeks, she never went to Brownies but four of her school friends are in this group.

She was telling me about it afterwards and said ‘this other dude…’. I didn’t know what she meant (a man walking his dog in the park? Another child nearby? Gender neutral way of referring to one of the girls in the group? A male volunteer expert helping out for the session?) but it turns out she was referring to one of the other children in the group who she thought was a boy. I said guides was supposed to be girls only and she got confused and thought maybe it was a girl 🙄🙄🙄

So, do I assume this is a trans male child? Do I ask the leader to clarify? I don’t particularly care about the boy being there, I wasn’t after a female only activity for her, it was just because her friends were members. But I don’t like the confusion, and I can see concerns arising in the future if residential trips become possible again.

What would you do?

I wouldn't say anything unless and until a residential trip seems to be in the plan.

So, do I assume this is a trans male child?

Why would you?

So, do I assume this is a trans male child?

It seem like a huge leap.

Are you sure it is a boy? My niece was convinced her 7 year old neighbour was a girl simply because he had long hair.

Could it just be a little girl with short hair and/or a masculine name?

I would try to get the full picture before acting.

The leader won’t be allowed to clarify - Girlguiding rules say leaders shouldn’t disclose this information.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

It is just as likely that the child is a girl with short hair. Do nothing, until there is a residential.

@toastantea

So, do I assume this is a trans male child?

Why would you?

Because my dd thought it was a boy and guides is for girls

My daughter is regularly asked if she is a boy as she has very short hair and wears traditional 'boy' styles. So may just be a girl that doesn't follow gendered stereotypes?

Why did she think it was a boy?

DD describe them as older, tall, long hair, low voice. She didn’t know their name, and didn’t assume it was a boy because of short hair

@SoMuchForSummerLove

I wouldn't say anything unless and until a residential trip seems to be in the plan.

Agreed. Plus be sure not to accidentally put words in your daughters mouth that she may repeat at GG without the ability to stand her ground and make the case. The likelihood is she would be name called and slaughtered and would never forgive you for making her known as a bigot. I'd choose your battles, especially if your daughter may be the one that faces the consequences. As SummerLove says, leave it for any residential that comes up.

Does it really matter?

Could just be a tomboy called Sam with short hair. My son has long hair and is often mistaken for a girl.

There isn't a problem here so why create one

It's odd that your dd thought this child was a boy. Dd plays football and there are lots of younger girls with short hair who look like boys but it's pretty obvious they are not actually boys

It is not odd that she thought they were a boy if they actually were a boy though…

Loads of girls go to Scouts and Cubs. You're not allowed to run exclusively "girl" or "boy" clubs anymore as it's discrimination. It probably is a boy.

Pick her up and see for yourself.
But I also wouldn’t care until it got to a residential.
The residentials my daughter did with guides would have been ok though. 30 of them sleeping in an open space together, or with one chosen friend. So just wait and see.

You are allowed to have women only groups. But including men who identify as women in that.

Think about women only gyms, sessions at swimming, they all exist @coffeeandjuice

Why are you making an issue out of this? Your daughter is not concerned, perhaps take a leaf out of her book and be more inclusive?

Gosh lots of new posters on this thread telling op not to be concerned..

I would tread carefully. I am a Brownie leader and we had a girl who said she was a boy. She has a complicated family set up. As leaders we brushed passed her saying it and did a few sessions on being yourself/ everyone is different/ women role models who broke the mould. If the girls commented (my own dd asked me one evening after a meeting) and one parent we said guiding is for girls and just got on with the meeting. So, that's a long winded way of saying this child could be a boy or a confused girl so wait and see. If you can do drop off or pick up yourself you might get some more cues. Upsettingly, if we had sought support from national office to deal with a fragile young girl, we could in theory have been told to remove her from the group as she was self defining as a boy.

I would just say to the leader: my dd tells me there is a boy in the group, what measures are you planning for residentially? This is assuming your dd is generally happy with there being a boy in the group. If she wants girls only you’ll have to find a different group.

This wouldn't ever enter my head again. Why does it matter?

@coffeeandjuice

Loads of girls go to Scouts and Cubs. You're not allowed to run exclusively "girl" or "boy" clubs anymore as it's discrimination. It probably is a boy.

That's not the case at all. Guides and Brownies are girls only. Scouts changed their rules for financial reasons.

Can you go along at drop off/pick up and see for yourself?