Postnatal ward with male partners

[Badhairtoday]

Hi everyone,
I don’t want to debate whether other women should be allowed partners staying overnight on postnatal wards but this really gave me anxiety in my last birth (I won’t go into details of what happened but was too ‘out of it’ to say anything at the time)

I want to know what my options are this time. I will be speaking to someone from the hospital to discuss but wanted to know if I have any rights at all to challenge this, legally even.
I’m usually high risk so have to give birth on labour ward so inevitably will end up on postnatal ward for a number of days. I know they aren’t going to kick out the men for me but wondering If I have the right to ask to be on a female only bay? Side rooms are only for those with a clinical need.

Another hospital would be ideal but it’s too far away and I don’t see why I need to inconvenience myself because the hospital aren’t taking my feelings into account.

Would be great if someone can help. Have contacted various birth rights type organisations but haven’t had any response.

Thank you

Quoted the wrong post there!

EvilEdna1 yes but other women no matter how loud they are don’t give me anxiety worrying about them starting, they won’t make me feel violated if they stared at me feeding I wouldn’t have the same feelings. And I certainly don’t feel unsafe sleeping near other women, it’s men and the way they behave. Even if they were male patients I would be somewhat more understanding as we’d all in the same boat with our broken legs and what not but the irony is mixed wards in those circs are not ok in the nhs but mixed postnatal wards are. I have a big problem with that.

The reason why, in my opinion, so many hospitals allow men overnight in postnatal wards is because the postnatal care is so appalling. The men are there on many cases to fill that gap in care for women who are often not very mobile due to caesarian or instrumental birth. Better postnatal care would lead to less need for men to be there overnight. I work with postnatal women and the most common complaint is that the postnatal care is awful and even trauma inducing in some cases.

Sadly yes. As DH had flown back from deployment to be here for the birth, he was shattered and right went home overnight to sleep (otherwise he wouldnt have been safe to drive us home). Cue a midwife demanding I phone him as it's not her responsibility to help with baby overnight (I had a catheter and IV lines so couldn't reach over to pick baby up). So he had to come back in at 1am to sit on a chair all night and pass baby over when he was hungry. Fucking ridiculous.

Anyway, the midwife on shift before did say specifically that if I was alone overnight I could have my own bay and they would keep an eye on us. It will vary though I guess, definitely speak to your midwife and find out what you can do. I don't think overnight visitors are allowed at the moment due to covid anyway if you're in the UK?

I don't think there is any right to a ward that's female-only or where partners are excluded at night time. You'll need to check with your midwife/hospital what their policy is, this is going to vary depending on individual hospitals.

Professor Caroline Flint wrote a wonderful book back in the 80s that included some really good ideas about post natal care. Inevitably, she was completely ignored. However, many of the current arrangements for discharging covid patients are very relevant here. I would have travel lodge type family rooms for postnatal care and employ more community midwives. Get everybody discharged asap unless they had a complicated delivery or a baby in scbu.
No men except on labour ward.

We have two hospitals with obstetric units in our county: one has almost exclusively private ensuite rooms for postnatal, so partners staying isn’t an issue. The other is very old and is due to be replaced in the next 3 years with a brilliant set up where most rooms are private en-suite rooms, but at present they are mostly very small 4 bed bays and only a small number of side rooms.

They will wherever possible try to place those whose partners aren’t staying together in a bay. Wherever possible they will place those who have a problem with partners staying for any reason in a side room. They are working to remedy it, by designing the new unit differently, but with the best will in the world there’s little they can do about it if the ward is extremely busy and the side rooms needed for clinical reasons.

You say you don’t want to get into the whys but then make statements like this which are just untrue:
reality is it is men do what they want and staff think it’s all fine as the men are doing their job for them

Staff do not think it’s fine. They are constantly having to deal with the poor behaviour of partners, to the point where there have to be ridiculous rules in place (partners must not sleep in the beds, must be fully clothed at all time, cannot bring alcohol into the wards). The partners are not doing the job of the staff present - they are doing the job of the several staff who should be on duty at any one time but are not. There literally are not enough staff to provide the basic assistance women often need after an epidural, caesareans etc.

There are some who believe that if we want men to be equal parents, they need to be more involved from the outset. There are others who hate staff being there.

This is the situation unfortunately. You can explain your situation to the staff and ask for accommodations to be made for you, but they can only do what it physically possible. I appreciate you don’t want to be inconvenienced by going to a hospital that’s further away, but I’m not sure what the solution could be, and it will not change until there is increased funding for staff and increased investment in hospitals themselves to allow them to modernise / reconfigure their wards.

Arabella, no not a ward but a bay of 4-5 beds with women only. So a small section of the ward. Or will that be seen as the same thing? I will ask them and see if they can do something informally worst case otherwise I don’t know. I will post back and let you know what they say after I’ve spoken to them.

I see your point OP. Male visitors I don't mind but I don't think they should be staying overnight, the ward should be a womans space to rest and recover. However I can also see the flip side in regards to the benefits of them being allowed to stay ie helping their partners.

I'm not sure if there would be any legal right for you to be separated from men - I'm a nurse so have worked in numerous hospitals and I've never seen sex any specific wards, apart from the odd mental health wards. So I'm not too sure on this. However I'm certainly no expert on the law, perhaps someone with a better working knowledge than me will come along.

I don’t know if the situation has changed. Our grandson was born Iast summer. Dad was allowed into labour room for active labour but had to leave 30 minutes after baby arrived. Can’t imagine it’s less strict now so shouldn’t be an issue

To be honest there are very few hospitals which allow male partners to stay overnight - there was a thread only in the last couple of weeks discussing the same issue but this time the OP wanted her partner there as she felt vulnerable on her own 🤷‍♀️. Can't please everyone

It's not allowed in any hospitals I know in my area. Seems it's more prevalent in London though

For Anyone pregnant at the moment it's highly unlikely due to covid the rules will change anytime soon so there is virtually zero chance of a male partner being allowed overnight. You'll be lucky to get visiting hours. There is no visiting hours at my hospital at all (I had twins today).

With the closure of local maternity units most maternity hospitals don't have the luxury of female only bays. If you feel you need that then best to save up and go private

No amount of campaigning or petitions is going to make a difference. The NHS is chronically underfunded as it is and overnight stays for male partners is limited to actually very few hospitals. It's the exception rather than the norm

Yes my grievances were bound to come out sooner or later as other women were sharing and i could relate.

When I say inconvenient I don’t just mean it like that, it would affect so many things, stress for both of us due to our home circumstances, otherwise I’d jump to have baby there but right now I’d be making life so difficult and I don’t see why I should but of course reality is such is life

Men weren’t allowed in the post natal ward at all in June when I had DC. If you’re having a baby soon it’s unlikely you will need to deal with this anyway with corona lurking around.

Why can't a female companion be nominated instead of a male? Like your mum/ sister/ friend? Male partner could still visit but not stay overnight, use the toilets, watch loud football etc.

OP, could you afford to go private? TBH, I don’t think it’s right for men to be allowed overnight at all, but if you can afford to it might be worth considering.

@Sexnotgender

Their role is to listen to views of pregnant people

Pregnant women.

This.

Sorry but it’s not helpful telling me that i either accept it or save up to go private. It’s actually very insensitive. Obviously the most obvious things to most people would be to save up and go private but there’s a reason why we have PALS and other patient voice organisations rather than tell us to save and go private if we really have a problem. I’d be looking at homebirth before that or even discharging earlier with home monitoring before that.

Most visitors other people have f%*cking annoying - they don't have to be male. The worst ones I've been subjected to have all been female and generally behaved with a sense of obnoxious entitlement whereas the men tend to at least sit quietly looking bored and don't stay for hours on end

Endoftheline sadly I have no family or friends here otherwise I’d pick my sister over my hubby any day of the week (bless him)

Ivfbeenbusy I agree but the issues that really bother me are male specific and don’t affect me if it’s women doing it. I already stayed on postnatal ward for my first birth before men were allowed and it was horrendous but it didn’t lead me to feel this way and worry what I’d do next time.

So sorry OP. My comment was a general statement, not directed at you. As an ex midwife I feel men are out of place on a post natal ward, but, very sadly, I recognise the deplorable shortage of staff. Pregnancy and child birth should be women centered, for many, many reasons. Physical, emotional and spiritual, to name just 3.

many years ago after having dc1 the hv who ran the bf clinic sent home the men saying to them 'go home, wash the bedding and clean thd kitchen, then come back to pick up your family'

Sorry but it’s not helpful telling me that i either accept it or save up to go private. It’s actually very insensitive.

I don’t think people mean to be insensitive, I think it’s just that people are trying to give what they see as the most realistic advice. I’m not saying this is right but generally it is easier for individuals to just sort their own situation rather than try to persuade a whole system to change.

Today 19:37 Badhairtoday

Sorry but it’s not helpful telling me that i either accept it or save up to go private. It’s actually very insensitive. Obviously the most obvious things to most people would be to save up and go private but there’s a reason why we have PALS and other patient voice organisations rather than tell us to save and go private if we really have a problem. I’d be looking at homebirth before that or even discharging earlier with home monitoring before that.“

Sympathies but don’t understand. As PPs have said, most Trusts aren’t allowing any visitors now, male or female

Are you in the Uk? (Sorry short on time can’t read all)

Endoftheline sorry I’m quite sensitive at the moment you were only trying to help and I understand now

I gave birth for the second time in September. I was induced in a room with several other couples in it. It was a high risk labour so I had to be induced on the labour ward. My partner wasn't allowed in as I wasn't in active labour. I found it really hard to relax with men in the room, eating, making phone calls on speaker phone, watching sports on their phones with sound up, spraying deodorant around (in a room with no openable windows!). I would have much preferred trying to get into the zone and relax without them there. I felt very vulnerable and uncomfortable.

On the post natal ward it was wonderful as partners were only allowed in for 1 hour a day. Anecdotally midwives told me that successful breastfeeding rates were far higher than usual, due to lack of visitors women just felt more comfortable trying. Learning to breast feed DS1 and trying to express colostrum into a syringe in a room with lots of visitors coming and going was a nightmare first time round.