Postnatal ward with male partners

[Badhairtoday]

Hi everyone,
I don’t want to debate whether other women should be allowed partners staying overnight on postnatal wards but this really gave me anxiety in my last birth (I won’t go into details of what happened but was too ‘out of it’ to say anything at the time)

I want to know what my options are this time. I will be speaking to someone from the hospital to discuss but wanted to know if I have any rights at all to challenge this, legally even.
I’m usually high risk so have to give birth on labour ward so inevitably will end up on postnatal ward for a number of days. I know they aren’t going to kick out the men for me but wondering If I have the right to ask to be on a female only bay? Side rooms are only for those with a clinical need.

Another hospital would be ideal but it’s too far away and I don’t see why I need to inconvenience myself because the hospital aren’t taking my feelings into account.

Would be great if someone can help. Have contacted various birth rights type organisations but haven’t had any response.

Thank you

My vulnerability around my situation was secondary to the needs of men and the wet women who needed their partner to have input into their feeding experience
While I don’t necessarily agree with men being present in every ward / class, those “wet” women you talk of very well could be suffering from a multitude of mental health or physical issues. Direct your attitude to a solution, not calling other women names because you have no empathy for any struggles they may be going through.

Did you just have another thread about this, op? Seems the same wording.

My hospital usually allows partners to stay 24/7 but I was in mid December for a night after having my DD and partners were only allowed to visit between 2-6. This was due to covid. There was a much more positive feeling on the ward compared to the last time I was in when partners were there all the time. I hope your midwife is understanding of your needs.

And I see the thread has been deleted.

not calling other women names because you have no empathy for any struggles they may be going through.

But it can be surely understandably hard to be empathetic to others whose actions are impacting on you, and are not extending any reciprocal empathy towards you?

My DH didn’t stay with me, after both of my births, didn’t worry me at all, midwifes on hand to help with BF etc. I was home the next day with both of my DS’.

When you fall pregnant I'd advise speaking to your midwife of course but also your local maternity voices partnership too. Their role is to listen to views of pregnant people & their families and feed them back to those who work in maternity services. They are independent and may be able to offer you some advice or ideas. There should be one to cover most, if not all, parts of the country although some have been around longer than others.

My local trust recently started doing this but have now stopped due to covid and i think all the staff breathed a sigh of relief! It's a really tricky one for hospitals because you can't please everyone but absolutely agree with one of the previous posters, your concerns are really valid and it's important you speak up to as many people as you can.

Good luck ttc & hope you get the birth experience you want

Thanks everyone for your input. Just to make clear I am not pregnant yet am going to ttc abit later on so I am thinking worst case scenario when things are better covid wise. Obviously covid getting better isn’t the worst case scenario, it’s the men being back in to stay.

I will post back here to see what options they are giving me incase it helps someone else.

I know side rooms are limited here so most likely won’t get one as priority is rightfully given to those with twins or bereavement etc I just think the simpler, cheaper solution would be to have a female only bay for those that have female partners with them instead or like me, no partner, So I am going to try to fight for this so hopefully other women can benefit too who may be silenced for speaking out. I know some people will think I just want rules bending for my religious beliefs but I know lots of women religion or not care about this as it’s a women’s rights issue and women of my religion who are much more conservative than I am wrt modesty will just keep themselves covered and will just accept this and have their husbands stay to avoid being alone, but none will be brave enough to challenge this and I feel I need to do something. I’m wondering like a petition or something but I have a lot of anxiety and am afraid of the backlash tbh. I really hope someone can help me wrt the legal side of things. Mumsnet ran a petition about Bounty and yet they’re still lurking around (well in my hospital they do, still came in despite me writing on my birth plan I didn’t want them coming in) so I doubt any change will be made unless huge numbers complain. That’s why I have to emphasise that no, I’m not trying to ban men but no matter how clear I try to be other women will always hijack the thread and make it about them and why they need their partners there. I just don’t understand why two things can’t be mutually exclusive, those women have their partners to stay and women who don’t can have conversations about it without being shot down. I’m thankful I posted here as everyone has been really understand and supportive so thank you.

Their role is to listen to views of pregnant people

Pregnant women.

I’ve got a midwife appointment on Tuesday. I’ll ask and see what they say.

You may find it's not an issue at the moment. Given that partners haven't even been allowed to come to scans since Covid hit, I can't imagine they'd be allowed to stay on wards.

You have my sympathy - this was not permitted in the hospital I had my babies in but even so, some of the men who hung around for hours and openly stared at me trying to breastfeed were absolutely revolting.

There should be a blanket ban

Thanks JSh for that, I have tried a few organisations but I forgot about maternity voices so thank you for that. Main thing i think is if the rules were actually enforced (use of loos and antisocial behaviour standing close to curtains and their wide open curtains when we try to go to loo with men staring) and also if there was strict supervision at night then I doubt many women would notice as much that men are present but reality is it is men do what they want and staff think it’s all fine as the men are doing their job for them. Reality for me is it’s a horrible anxiety inducing experience which I really want to avoid next time and really want to fight for for other women too.

Clymene sorry you went through that and others too. We shouldn’t have to feel violated like this.

I agree completely, had a male snoring and ignoring his newborn crying last time I gave birth. I made sure I had my catheter out so I could be out of bed before lights out after a caesarean because of this issue.
I hated it. Thank goodness I don't want any more but it should be banned.

Horehound as I posted earlier yes I did start another thread and if you were on there it got derailed by women telling me why it was important to have their partner there rather than helping with my actual query. Thankfully I have received more support here. Hope that isn’t a problem?

I think it will hugely depend on the hospital, your care team, and current covid restrictions. I'm afraid I think it's unlikely that you will be able to have your request met, probably more a question of luck than anything else. (Whether or not there is a spare private room).

I think all women should have private rooms (or the option of a private room) for post natal care, fwiw, but of course this is never going to happen. The state of our maternity care is pretty woeful in many cases.

And on the other thread I was getting quite sick of it so I wasn’t being a nice in my replies so of course many focussed on be being ‘rude’ which I wasn’t, I just wasn’t being nice. So yes the whole focus became on women who need their partner there and my alleged rudeness. A clever way to silence someone IMO.

As I understand it, there is no specific legal right to either have your partner with you, or ensure there are no men staying over on a postnatal ward. It is entirely at the discretion of the hospital trust as to what their policy is. They have to balance what many mothers want with ensuring all feel safe - but there is no legal prescription as to how this balance has to be achieved.

ArabellaScott it isn’t a case of me wanting a private room and and being lucky enough to get one. My hospital don’t do private room unless medical need or exceptional circumstances. A private room will fix something for me if I make a big noise, bring my religion into it etc etc but it won’t address the real issue of having no choice unless you get lucky and/or are the correct religion/culture or have the money. I just want my basic right to be on a ward, nothing luxury or special but just to be around other women only just like other women have the right to have their partners there.

Mama1980 thank you sadly I think you are right

I think it should be an option, I feel at my most vulnerable after birth, bleeding through pj's, breastfeeding, discussing bleeding and soreness etc. With midwives, having men close by makes it a bit more awkward. One man stayed the night and his snoring was so bad I couldn't sleep, was so cross about that, I had no idea they could stay on a ward with everyone so I'd welcome a ward where if you wanted visitors you had to go off to a visiting room to see them, or no overnight stays allowed

Good luck OP, I think you can make a case to have care at other nearby hospitals if you find one that has a better policy.

It would be nice if all pregnant women could have a private room if they wanted it, I know some women want the social aspect of being on a ward.

I was on prenatal ward for 2 weeks unexpectedly then postnatal ward for 2 weeks aswell. Even though my baby was premature (30 weeks) so in nicu and I was seriously ill I still didn't get a private room. And the men peering round the curtains at you was grim especially as some times I was hooked up to expressing pump. The nurses kept drawing the curtains back. And half the time the guys weren't even paying attention to their new baby or partner. Just sitting in the chairs on their phones, trying to get extra space in their cubicle by pushing the chair over the boundary of the curtain through to my cubicle ...on speaker phone too. Snoring all night, ..ugghh, worst time of my life.

I was quite annoyed when I went to visit my sister 6 months later who had a few days in hospital following an operation in the same trust and she had a large private room with en suite bathroom.

I don't know if it's true but when I was in, several midwifes said that sept/october is their busiest time of year.

@EvilEdna1

The reason why, in my opinion, so many hospitals allow men overnight in postnatal wards is because the postnatal care is so appalling. The men are there on many cases to fill that gap in care for women who are often not very mobile due to caesarian or instrumental birth. Better postnatal care would lead to less need for men to be there overnight. I work with postnatal women and the most common complaint is that the postnatal care is awful and even trauma inducing in some cases.

Yes they have complained about male behaviour on wards but equally women's behaviour too. I am not a supporter of men on postnatal wards outside visiting hours and I say that to couples antenatally but all women want their partner there but no other men. The worst position to be in is with no support there at all.

Omg I really relate to them increasing the boundary etc curtains pulled back by staff etc horrible it seems to be a pattern. They are not allowed to use the patient loos but many did.

I’d love to birth at the other hospital but it would take 40 mins to get there and with me needing to stay in for a few days it would make it difficult for my partner to come visit and bring me supplies whilst having our other kids. We live 5 mins away from our local hospital so I’d rather not make it inconvenient and I don’t see why we should be forced to go elsewhere because that was my first thought too, but with the time it would take and it being stressful I thought I need to challenge this, even if they don’t listen to me I want my voice heard

Sadly that is the legal position. I think they make it so hard to rule on this because fundamentally there is a lack of hospital space and they simply cannot guarantee being able to accommodate both viewpoints. For every woman who would have postnatal wards as a female only safe space there is one who insists that not allowing the father of her baby to stay is tantamount to being traumatic for their family.
Fwiw I totally agree with you, I spent months on a pre and postnatal ward (micro prem baby) and felt very exposed with male visitors on the ward. Luckily my trust has a policy of no overnight partners so 8pm sharp everyone was out and you could hear most women sigh in relief.
I'm not sure what the answer is.