What do men think of mixed-sex toilets?

[NatalDrag]

The mixed-sexed toilet debate is usually centred around the fact that women don't want to share safe spaces with men. However, I wonder why the opinions of men aren't include more in the debate?

I was talking to my partner about this issue last night. He works in a university, and in his department's building, most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles). Despite offering lots of privacy, he doesn't like these toilets as he says it's awkward standing in line for the toilet alongside young women. He feels like he's doing something wrong. He then added that if it was an open-plan toilet with cubicles, he doesn't think he could even go in without feeling awkward.

Thinking about it, most men I know would probably feel the same way. I was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts on this point?

My Nigel was enormously uncomfortable with the idea of mixed-sex toilets. He was very clear that he wanted toilets for women and toilets for men to be separate. Tbh I think he feels his privacy is impinged upon by women being in the toilet. He does not have the slightest compunction at sharing a toilet with any male, no matter their sexuality or presentation.

I realised recently that a lot of traditional MRAs don't like unisex either. Many of them have a fear of women making baseless allegations against them. They've bought into the idea that women go around doing this all the time - too much time on dodgy subreddits and not knowing many women I think. Anyway, they hate unisex changing and toilets because they think it opens them to malicious accusations.

To be fair it does open them to that possibility. I think the likelihood is very low of mean women behaving like that and it being taken seriously by anyone in authority, but, still, it could happen with unisex where it wouldn't have with single sex.

I have two teenage sons and a husband and they all hate them.

The one time we were out as a family and the council owned venue had unisex toilets, they boys refused to use them, they were so embarrassed. They didn't want to use a urinal while women were coming out of cubicles beside them or washing their hands at the sink.

The venue was in an area with many Muslim residents and my sons thought it was a tactic to dissuade the local community from using the venue.

We all know who benefits from these unisex facilities. It’s not women or most men. It’s not the BAME community.

A lot of men I've spoken to don't like them, and one man I know works with a TM and says he finds it very uncomfortable using the (male) bathroom if his colleague is there so he tries to avoid it. It's more feeling awkward/uncomfortable than any worry about safety, but I think it should be respected too. I mainly speak about women because of the valid safety concerns as well as increased likelihood of traumatic past experiences of male violence, make it a higher priority for me.

Hate the idea. I walked into a room apparently full of only women and nearly walked out. It was only the sight of a few uncomfortable looking men that told me I hadn’t walked in the wrong door

My workplace has mixed sex toilets downstairs but designated M and F cubicles. Lots of people hate them so use the single room loos upstairs (one of each). I work upstairs and see an equal amount of men as women coming up to use the singles.

By the way, last night the gents was out of order so the men were using the ladies. OMG. The state of it. Piss on the floor, loo roll (used?) chucked down the side of the loo. And it stank. Grim.

I posted on a different thread about how I'd been forced to use the men's with my DC over half term because the women's and the disabled loos were out of order. A man leaving the men's said he thought it wasn't on and offered to complain to the manager on my behalf, a man waiting behind us offered to guard the door while I took DC in (there was one cubicle but also urinals so he was concerned about our privacy). I didn't get a chance to ask them personally about how they felt from the perspective of their own privacy, but it was clear they were both uncomfortable with the situation and keen to help out.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone on here (given my views on TW in women's sport and prisons), that I just don't agree with mixed toilets. I also thought the Equality Act meant that employers and educational establishments had to provide toilet facilities for both sexes.

There is a self identified transwoman (no GRC) in my workplace who uses the gents. The men made a point of telling her they would give her no bother in the gents shower room and toilets. It has all been fine.

The men also made it quietly known that they'd expect the women to do the same if a transman were employed because the men would feel uncomfortable with a female in the gents.

This is in an IT dept.

I'd have thought a huge advantage for men with single-sex toilets would be that they rarely, if ever, have to queue to use them.

I can’t think of any good reason a man would want to share toilets with a woman. Most decent men I know feel very uncomfortable about it and I have seen lots of men looking very uncomfortable in mixed toilets even where there are cubicles. You can tell that they don’t know where to look and are trying to get in and out as fast as possible.

When I lived in a country with mixed sex public toilets the British men were very uncomfortable with the women queuing to use the two cubicles while they used urinals.

It finally registered with us that they weren't really mixed sex as the locals were horrified at us using public toilets. Women generally used the loos at bars, restaurants and cafes.

The Young Vic have women’s, men’s, gender neutral - cubicles and gender neutral - urinals. It is clear that the women’s and men’s are for those who identify as such - so all mixed sex.

I used the women’s - where it was only used by women. Later when - due to the usual Mum reason for needing to pee again soon after, I decided to use/investigate the gender neutral - urinals - as they are nominally supposed to be suitable for me

It was an utter cesspit of piss. You had to walk past the open urinals to the cubicles (not door to ceiling) and the men at the urinals looked extremely uncomfortable hugging the urinal. Interesting there were more women in there and I really felt sorry for the men.

Not sure if it was a blow to the Patriachy/me looking like I supported mixed-sex toilets (I really don’t)/or whether making men feel uncomfortable too is a good way to fight this toileting curse.

DH - hadn’t thought about it till then - and he wouldn’t want to toilet next to women and girls and said he would be happy for any male, however they identified to share his space.

good point. I think my DH would be mortified if a woman walked in while he was using the urinals.

I was in a mixed sex swimming pool changing room a while ago and an older man walked in and panicked that he had missed some signs as he saw women and children in there - we had to reassure him that he hadn't got it wrong but he was definitely uncomfortable.

My fil is very lovely with old school manners and still stands up when I enter the room - I dread to think how he would feel if a woman walked into the toilets while he was there. Or what he would do if he saw a man walk into the ladies while my mil was in there.

The one time we were out as a family and the council owned venue had unisex toilets, they boys refused to use them, they were so embarrassed. They didn't want to use a urinal while women were coming out of cubicles beside them or washing their hands at the sink

My husband (and I ) would hate this.

most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles)

My husband would hate this too but this is my preferred option.

My DH doesn’t like mixed sex facilities either. Partly because he worries about potentially making a woman feel frightened or awkward or uncomfortable and partly because he’s in his 50s so is used to the convention of a male only changing/toileting spaces (and having that facility removed without much warning highlights how important sex segregation is for privacy and dignity).

They dont like it and really don’t like it when little girls are there too.

I've met very few people, male or female, that like mixed toilets or "changing villages".

Generally, I am very suspicious of anyone who likes them, as it leads me to question why they like them. I mean, a single mother preferring a mixed-sex place to change her kids for swimming is understandable. But a blue-haired university student with little life experience lecturing us on the importance of mixed-sex toilets? They're too young to be making those kind of choices on behalf of everyone.

Dh says he thinks it's less of a problem then men using the ladies, although he would be uncomfortable and worried about potential accusations of flashing!

They have them in Rough Trade in Nottingham. At least, so I have heard from male friends who go to gigs there. They've definitely made comments about it being awkward.

@JKRisagryff

I can’t think of any good reason a man would want to share toilets with a woman. Most decent men I know feel very uncomfortable about it and I have seen lots of men looking very uncomfortable in mixed toilets even where there are cubicles. You can tell that they don’t know where to look and are trying to get in and out as fast as possible.

That's totally me. Neither I (a man) nor any of my male friends like or feel comfortable sharing toilet facilities with women. (Unisex single units are fine, and usually necessitated by space or other circumstances, it's the open-plan ones with cubicles and a communal washing area I mean.) It just feels "wrong" and against the natural order, and I'd particularly hate to make any woman feel discomfited by my presence. Mid-40s, though, so maybe I'm old-fashioned. Why are mixed facilities even a thing? Who wants them?

DS is at woke uni in London and has to travel up several flights of stairs to the gents because he feels awkward in the mixed sex loos.

I asked some months back. He hated the idea. He doesn't really feel embarrassment about making noises or smells when it's just other men, but women in there too would make him feel very self conscious.

it's the open-plan ones with cubicles and a communal washing area I mean.) It just feels "wrong" and against the natural order, and I'd particularly hate to make any woman feel discomfited by my presence. Mid-40s, though, so maybe I'm old-fashioned. Why are mixed facilities even a thing? Who wants them?

If the cubicles are floor to ceiling with proper doors and walls and not the sort of papier mache walls with gaps single sex cubicles are usually made of, I much prefer this set up. I'm female, 61.

I don't actively campaign for this as I don't feel that strongly about it but I would be happy to see this arrangement in public places.

@andyoldlabour

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone on here (given my views on TW in women's sport and prisons), that I just don't agree with mixed toilets. I also thought the Equality Act meant that employers and educational establishments had to provide toilet facilities for both sexes.

They don't have to. However, they also don't have to allow anyone to self-identify into the toilet of their choice - although that's what Stonewall and Mermaids like to claim is the law.