What do men think of mixed-sex toilets?

[NatalDrag]

The mixed-sexed toilet debate is usually centred around the fact that women don't want to share safe spaces with men. However, I wonder why the opinions of men aren't include more in the debate?

I was talking to my partner about this issue last night. He works in a university, and in his department's building, most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles). Despite offering lots of privacy, he doesn't like these toilets as he says it's awkward standing in line for the toilet alongside young women. He feels like he's doing something wrong. He then added that if it was an open-plan toilet with cubicles, he doesn't think he could even go in without feeling awkward.

Thinking about it, most men I know would probably feel the same way. I was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts on this point?

Mixed sexed toilets are useful for transpeople who are uncomfortable using the toilets appropriate for their sex, but they should always be in addition to single sex, not instead of.

I want my lovely wife and other women to feel safe in women's spaces, so why is that so difficult for other people to comprehend?

He works in a university, and in his department's building, most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles). Despite offering lots of privacy, he doesn't like these toilets as he says it's awkward standing in line for the toilet alongside young women

I don't really see the issue with this if the toilets are completely separate rooms. What's the problem with standing in line with someone of the opposite sex?

No decent man would use a urinal in front of a woman or a girl.

Yet some councils think this is fine. There are metal open air urinals in Stroud and plastic ones in Shoreditch.

And on the side of Paddington station. Right next to a large bin. In the summer the smell is dreadful.

We have recently-refurbished mixed-sex fully enclosed toilets with integrated hand wash basin and dryer, on the reception/public/social (canteen) level of our workplace. They're kept reasonably clean, perhaps because they're the ones seen by visitors and outsiders, so none of the commonly-stated complaints like pee on the floor, etc.

Having said that, most of the actual staff, even if they have come to that floor for coffee break or a meeting, seem to prefer to go back to their own floors where there are still single-sex toilets (this includes me!) - the people I see using the mixed-sex loos are generally not the staff who work in the building.

My DH has only ever needed to use mixed sex toilets once. I waited outside, but he came back out and asked me to go in with him because he felt like the women in the queue felt uncomfortable and might feel a bit easier if they knew a woman was with him. He knew that I would feel uncomfortable if the roles were reversed and didn’t want to give anyone cause for concern. He hated it. He felt uncomfortable and felt that women felt uncomfortable.

Having said that, I was reading a staff blog during Pride month from a male colleague in another location that couldn’t understand why the women in his building refused to use the mixed sex facilities. He concluded that it was because they didn’t like change and would use them as soon as it became more familiar to them. To my shame, I put my need to be employed before my principles (as did every other woman) and kept quiet.

Thanks to all the posters who corrected me. I just found this link which clwearly states the need for men's and women's toilets in a mixed workplace.

worksmart.org.uk/health-advice/where-you-work/toilets-and-washrooms/does-my-employer-have-provide-toilet-where-i-work

From a selfish and practical point of view I prefer male only toilets as they are more likely to be fitted with urinals.

From the wider safe space for women point of view I think it is imperative that toilets are kept segregated.

One of my fear with floor to ceiling cubicles is that with some of these, it could be really easy to be pushed in there by someone and no-one would necessarily hear you - some of them have very little noise leakage.

Old school sex segregated blocks of cubicles with space above/below the door is my preference, with separate mixed sex toilet available for those uncomfortable with the above for whatever reason - helpful if you are a parent with a child of the opposite sex, for example.

I wouldn't feel comfortable in mixed loos. And I hate mixed dorms in hostels! Am I alone as a bloke in hating urinals anyway? Very unhygienic imo.

I was talking to my partner about this issue last night. He works in a university, and in his department's building, most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles). Despite offering lots of privacy, he doesn't like these toilets as he says it's awkward standing in line for the toilet alongside young women. He feels like he's doing something wrong. He then added that if it was an open-plan toilet with cubicles, he doesn't think he could even go in without feeling awkward.

I'm a man, but it's not clear to me what exactly the OP is describing here.

Some other posters seem to have described toilets where there are urinals within the generally accessible area, and everyone walks past those to get to mixed-sex cubicles. I must admit I'm shocked by this. I've never seen toilets like that, anywhere. I think I'd be VERY uncomfortable using them, particularly in front of female children.

But that doesn't seem to be what the OP is actually describing. She says "despite offering lots of privacy..." and that her husband's problem is with the fact of standing in line alongside women.

I THINK this corresponds to what we have at my place of work. Each toilet is a single room (like the OP describes, a spacious one like a disabled toilet, not cubicles), open to anyone not designated male or female. I don't have a problem with them. There isn't generally a queue but if there were, I wouldn't feel any less comfortable standing in line with women than with men. Is there supposed to be something embarrassing about the fact that humans of both sexes have to wee?

@FifteenToes

I was talking to my partner about this issue last night. He works in a university, and in his department's building, most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles). Despite offering lots of privacy, he doesn't like these toilets as he says it's awkward standing in line for the toilet alongside young women. He feels like he's doing something wrong. He then added that if it was an open-plan toilet with cubicles, he doesn't think he could even go in without feeling awkward.

I'm a man, but it's not clear to me what exactly the OP is describing here.

Some other posters seem to have described toilets where there are urinals within the generally accessible area, and everyone walks past those to get to mixed-sex cubicles. I must admit I'm shocked by this. I've never seen toilets like that, anywhere. I think I'd be VERY uncomfortable using them, particularly in front of female children.

But that doesn't seem to be what the OP is actually describing. She says "despite offering lots of privacy..." and that her husband's problem is with the fact of standing in line alongside women.

I THINK this corresponds to what we have at my place of work. Each toilet is a single room (like the OP describes, a spacious one like a disabled toilet, not cubicles), open to anyone not designated male or female. I don't have a problem with them. There isn't generally a queue but if there were, I wouldn't feel any less comfortable standing in line with women than with men. Is there supposed to be something embarrassing about the fact that humans of both sexes have to wee?

I've never seen mixed sex toilets where one has to pass through the urinal section to get to the cubicles. That's grim.

Like you I don't see what the problem is with the second set or why it's embarrassing standing in a queue (does that happen much in a workplace anyway? I don't think I've ever had to queue in the office)

I was in an art gallery this afternoon and the set-up they had was half a dozen lockable and quite spacious rooms with sinks and mirrors. I much prefer that over the traditional cardboard walls and gaps set-up.

DH doesn't mind either way. I have pointed out that he'd be queuing for longer.

It doesn't bother me. I don't look at anyone else in the men's bogs anyway. It's not the place for casual chat or socialising. It's a case of get in, do the needful and get out. I've been at mass events such as concerts and horse racing where women will come into the men's, usually in couples, and use the cubicles because the women's queues are too long and they've been drinking and are desperate. When ya gotta go...

some brilliant examples on this thread, please if you can spare a minute, email it to [email protected]

www.gov.uk/government/consultations/toilet-provision-for-men-and-women-call-for-evidence/toilet-provision-for-men-and-women-call-for-evidence

I am a man. I don't like them.

We were in a well-known London department store liberty and husband had to use the loo...was very uncomfortable because a mum and young girl were in there too. There were all cubicles (he calls them traps) but yes, he felt he was exposing (sorry) himself to untrue allegations of all kinds.

I was in the liberty one too (3 or 4 cubicles in a small room) and men kept wandering in, stopping to look at all the women and girls in the queue, apologise and walking it again (peering at the door sign).

The only man who did come in in was a angry looking chap who scowled at the queue of women then stomped past and went into the disabled cubicle and slammed the door.

They are off a back staircase with a broken light - so it was a bit out of the way any would be creepy if you were going there yourself. A member of staff was queuing and kept apologising (she didn’t say what for but she was sorry about something).

Said it before it’s hard if you have a buggy and toddlers and someone else is in the family loo.

As you can’t really close the door and don’t mind if it’s just women but not men

Just no

In the lobby outside the 'gender-free with cubicles' at the Hammersmith Lyric last year:

Every man walks straight into the nearest loos, pauses, backs out, checks the door-sign in confusion. The majority turned around to look for what they recognised as the appropriate loos for them to use. Very few shrugged and went in regardless, most went looking for the Gents - these men were all near my age or older (I'm in my 50s).

In the queue inside the 'gender-free with cubicles':

Man: walks right past queue straight into a cubicle.

Another man (this one queues): "What a good idea. Much nicer and cleaner in here."

Another man: walks right past queue straight into a cubicle.

All these men were younger than me

Jelly did the queuing women challenge the men who didn’t?

@JellySlice did the queueing men challenge the other men who skipped?

@OneEpisode

Jelly did the queuing women challenge the men who didn’t?

No. We were just silently uncomfortable.

[quote S00LA]@JellySlice did the queueing men challenge the other men who skipped?[/quote]
Yes.