What do men think of mixed-sex toilets?

[NatalDrag]

The mixed-sexed toilet debate is usually centred around the fact that women don't want to share safe spaces with men. However, I wonder why the opinions of men aren't include more in the debate?

I was talking to my partner about this issue last night. He works in a university, and in his department's building, most toilets are now mixed-sex (self contained toilets, similar to disabled toilets, not cubicles). Despite offering lots of privacy, he doesn't like these toilets as he says it's awkward standing in line for the toilet alongside young women. He feels like he's doing something wrong. He then added that if it was an open-plan toilet with cubicles, he doesn't think he could even go in without feeling awkward.

Thinking about it, most men I know would probably feel the same way. I was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts on this point?

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Also, sexual assault is not the only harm. You ignore sexual harassment, voyeurism, indecent exposure, forcing women to take part in sexual fantasies, if a man gets off on being sexually inappropriate and making women and girls uncomfortable. As a not inconsiderable number of them do.

You ignore the fact that I have twice now said women regularly come into men’s toilets (not shared spaces) and do dick inspections.

I am sure you will tell me it doesn’t happen, but as a man I can tell you it does.

Men aren’t the only ones who can behave inappropriately

Nobody has said that women don't behave inappropriately. The "dick inspection" you keep referencing does indeed sound disgusting. The men affected by it would be within their rights to call the police in that case. Surely, your "dick inspection" anecdote demonstrates why single-sex toilets are better for both sexes?

Women can behave badly, but evidence shows us that men can, and have been, far worse. This is why many women don't want to share safe spaces with men. The fear of doing so can put many women off using such spaces.

You ignore the fact that I have twice now said women regularly come into men’s toilets (not shared spaces) and do dick inspections.

And how do the men react when this happens?

@testing987654321

You ignore the fact that I have twice now said women regularly come into men’s toilets (not shared spaces) and do dick inspections.

And how do the men react when this happens?

Laugh it off normally.

My husband does not like using them and goes to the men’s. He can’t relax apparently to the degree required to do what he needs to do.

Laugh it off normally.

Ah, out of shame, embarrassment, fear of the women? Or because it's genuinely no big deal?

Because if men came into the women's to do any kind of inspection, I would probably call the police and not go back.

So grown women run into the men’s loos to try to peel at willies? Sounds more like something a primary 1 kid would do for a date. Who are these child-women? And are the men scared of being sexually assaulted?

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

So grown women run into the men’s loos to try to peel at willies? Sounds more like something a primary 1 kid would do for a date. Who are these child-women? And are the men scared of being sexually assaulted?

That is a disgusting attitude.

How would you react if it were the other way around, men running in to the women's toilets? Or is it OK where men are victims?

If we want equality and fairness, it has to be on all sides. Opinions like yours do nothing to help having a decent, honest and open discussion.

Men won’t be scared will they? Yes it’s stupid and pretty damn weird. Does it happen though? Do women sneak cameras in and watch or post online? Do women physically attack the men? Do women rape the men?

Be realistic here - women would be scared for their physical safety, men would fear for their dignity.

You ignore the fact that I have twice now said women regularly come into men’s toilets (not shared spaces) and do dick inspections.

So you might occasionally get a drunk woman, in a nightclub, who goes into do dick inspections to show off to her mates. That is not something that is a regular occurrence, it's not ok, and certainly not something that means that all women and girls now have to use the same toilets as the men because of the behaviour of a tiny minority.

I visited a client recently. They had mixed sex toilets but they were each an individual separate room with toilet and sink etc. I found them fine

What I find totally unacceptable is mixed sex toilets with individual cubicles which have gaps under the doors etc and are in effect a shut off space from the wider office

Single sex toilet shouldn’t have any urinals full stop.

But the idea that you would be uncomfortable queueing with a woman for The loo?? Sorry but I don’t quite get that. Neither for the men or the women.

(Issues of safety for women are a different problem and because of that we should have single sex toilets...)

This thread makes me uncomfortable though. Because it feels like we are putting at the same level women’s safety issues and men feeling uncomfortable, both been as equally serious.
Making anyone uncomfortable should never be dismissed or ignored. But I don’t think they are on par with each other.

But I don’t think they are on par with each other.

Oh no, of course they're not. As Margaret Atwood herself pointed out 'Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.' Shame Atwood doesn't seem to consider that so much these days in her quest to support trans rights.

Dick inspections? Are you sure hadn’t wandered into an STD clinic by mistake? I mean in all my 42 years of using public restrooms not once has any woman burst in to gander at my man parts. I mean it’s a big world I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s happened somewhere, but I suspect it’s one hell of an outlier.

As to mixed restrooms, I don’t think I’d feel remotely uneasy if they were used by men, transmen or transwomen. That said I live in a world I’m socialised to not feel particularly threatened in, plus women have never ever made me physically in fear of my life.

I would genuinely prefer to not even have an opinion on women’s bathrooms, they are women’s spaces after all, but given how clearly and obviously they are under threat and leaving some women anxious to even participate in public spaces as a result I’m 110% behind the move to keep them exclusive to natal women.

None of the men that I know are happy about mixed sex toilets (and none of them went to private or single sex schools).
They just "put up with it", because they don't want to appear as bigots.
But then, some of them aren't comfortable with peeing in urinals in front of other people. DH says "it's just something you have to do", so I guess they treat it like that. A non very pleasant experience they have to put up with.

I am a man. I spent most of my working life living in countries with either no public toilets or non-segregated ones.

I would not be worried about mixed-sex toilets if I could be convinced all women felt the same. As it is clear they do not certainly not all women I think toilets should be sex-segregated.

Where is the harm to me? None either way. So others (women in particular) get to choose. Easy.

Women should have a veto on toilets being made mixed-sex. That is what this man thinks.

The "Nigel" comments are uncalled for. As this thread shows, mixed-sex toilets affect all of us. Yes, I think that they affect women far more, but I also think that we have a far greater chance of stopping this nonsense if we have more people supporting us.

Perhaps I should have posted this on the main boards, but whenever I have in the past, I've been met with a chorus of "put it in FWR".

In regards to the toilets I mentioned in my OP: as far as I'm aware, those toilets are mixed-sex despite being individual rooms. Both males and female use them, so they're mixed-sex.

My partner teaches a male-dominated STEM subject at university. I think only around 10% of students in his department are female. Therefore, in the queues for these toilets, there is usually only one women and lots of men. That is what my partner feels uncomfortable with, which I think is fair enough.

I have to say I don't quite see why your partner feels uncofortable queuing whne there is 1 woman and 10 men in the queue.
Nor do I understand why the fact there are very few women make that worse/ I mean few women means there is even less chance of him being with a woman in the loo or coming just after a woman?

I'd be interested to see what is his thinking there.

If anything I would have thought it would be the woman who was going to feel uncomfortable and out of place if she surrounded by men.... (I'm putting the safety aspect aside there)

You ignore the fact that I have twice now said women regularly come into men’s toilets (not shared spaces) and do dick inspections

I am sure you will tell me it doesn’t happen, but as a man I can tell you it does

Men aren’t the only ones who can behave inappropriately

You do realise this an argument for single sex toilets- not against?

And I do agree that the more people are supporting single sex, the better it is. I would say most people would agree with that.

I would feel sad to think that siNgle sex toilets would stay only because they make men UNCOMFORTABLE but not because they make women UNSAFE.... It would feel more a kick in the teeth iyswim

Which women go ‘regularly’ into which men’s loos to peer at willies? I’ve never heard of this.

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

Which women go ‘regularly’ into which men’s loos to peer at willies? I’ve never heard of this.

Nightclubs, music festivals, gigs etc.

Any man who has never seen it happen either lives in a very different world to me or doesn’t go out much.

None of the men I know like it or want it why would they?