Writing to restaurants and cafes with single-sex loos - anyone want to join me?

[williammorris]

We had a lovely meal in a local restaurant last week - four of us - so the bill was around £130 and on a day when it wasn't eat out to help out, and they were relatively quiet.

Went to the loo at the end - and the three cubicles were single-sex with the wash basins outside in quite a limited space. One of the cubicles was in a mess, with the toilet seat up.

I'm fed up with this. I have a decent disposable income and from now on, I'm boycotting all local restaurants and cafes that don't separate by sex, and I've written to this one to tell them that, spelling out why - e.g. women and teenage girls don't like dealing with sanpro with men in close proximity and the mess you inevitably get.

In future, I'll email to ask about their toilets before making a booking.

Does anyone want to join me in doing the same? I'm guessing it's often men who decide the layout without thinking about the impact, but if we start writing and asking, it may dawn on them they could lose business because of it.

OP- do you also boycott small restaurants/cafes that only have space 1 or 2 unisex cubicles???

Sharing the same loo at a friend's or family's home is completely different, of course it is.

I'm a little shocked that on the feminism chat topic there is so little concern about this creeping loss of single-sex spaces when we're out and about. Especially when you think about teenage girls going through that very selfish-conscious phase of puberty - can no-one else remember the strong desire for privacy, especially in the presence of men and boys at that age?

Or would I be too much of a conspiracy theorist to think there's a creeping agenda coming up on this board?

I think maybe people don't see small restaurants in the same light as larger toilet blocks.

I mean, really small places sometimes just have one toilet for all customers and you just take turns.

I think that you find people more concerned about change rooms, showers, and those kinds of facilities. Toilets are just quite varied in design and usage.

Or would I be too much of a conspiracy theorist to think there's a creeping agenda coming up on this board?

Yes you would. I actually really dislike single sex cubicles with paper thin partitions with gaps although not enough to actively campaigning for unisex/ mixed sex.

In the context of a restaurant I really don't care and I'm certainly not joining in a letter writing campaig or phoning up in advance to check the toilet configuration.

I'm also not joining in with the "heaven forfend the person in the next cubicle might hear me unwrapping a tampon" nonsense.

To put it another way - I would say that a bus station with multiple stalls should always have separate facilities. But for a restaurant I'd be disinclined to comment on their toilet arrangements unless I actually went to the place and saw what it was like.

Or would I be too much of a conspiracy theorist to think there's a creeping agenda coming up on this board?

Judging by the numbers of deletions on threads recently, I don't think it's necessarily too much of a stretch.

What's at stake here is safety and privacy, and toileting space in restaurants is often limited. I've no issues with secure integral units containing basins, provided they're clean. If it's a question of non-secure adjoining cubicles without floor to ceiling doors and with communal, unisex washing facilities than I'm far from happy with that and would be less inclined to be a repeat customer. I wouldn't call to check the exact layout of their facilities before visiting though.

The Magpie Cafe in Whitby is one example I can think of that has floor to ceiling integral cubicles, each with its own basin, AND they are segregated by sex. And space there isn't at a premium, so it can be done.

Many cleaners on here have pointed out that the state womens loos are left in is often no better than mens

Agree with this, a lot of women tend to hover over the seat and can't be bothered to clean it up. I used to clean nightclub toilets, the men's were not even half as bad. That said, sharing sinks isn't good, and the cubicles should be from floor to ceiling in that kind of set up. I wouldn't sign against unisex loos, but I would against those who don't have the correct set up.

Nightclub toilets are dire.

I have flashbacks to being at a place and the two women's toilets were horrific. It was a choice between peeing in one smeared with blood, and one containing a sweatshirt in the toilet bowl.

Or would I be too much of a conspiracy theorist to think there's a creeping agenda coming up on this board?

There is a clear agenda.

I am with you OP. I would hate to use mixed sex facilities of the kind you describe and wouldn’t return to a restaurant with that set up. Happily I have never come across them. I would be glad to have more of the kind of toilets which are large single lockable rooms with a basin in and room to fit multiple children, space for baby change etc in addition to the usual women’s and men’s. Trying to fit several children into one of the usual cubicles if they don’t want to wait by the sinks is a challenge. If the toilets were mixed sex I would not feel happy to leave children by the sinks to wait, or to let them go in unaccompanied.

@Fromadistance1

Or would I be too much of a conspiracy theorist to think there's a creeping agenda coming up on this board?

There is a clear agenda.

Do tell me what my agenda is? Beyond I don't particularly care about the layout of toilets in restaurants.

I'm very squeamish about sharing with men, from privacy, safety, security and cleanliness. I've occasionally been in a gross female loo but am sure from the smell outside the door the mens was worse. I've been spied on before and the thought of cameras and the like make me want single sex facilities. I'm with you OP.

Definitely will not be joining you.
They are unisex toilets , what's the issue? You have seperate cubicles. If you don't like it, don't go to that restaurant
Makes me smile, I no longer live in the UK, all the toilets are unisex in restaurants here. Really not an issue

I hate unisex toilets and will join you. That's a great idea. In my experience they are dirtier and there are plenty of studies showing that men are less likely to wash their hands.

Also I am concerned about the documented rise in spy cameras in unisex facilities. Placed by men. I don't want to encourage this.

I'm surprised that you have had such resistance on FWR OP.

No, not interested at all in your campaign. I have been in some grim female only toilets and am not remotely concerned by a man knowing I am menstruating. Neither is my dd who is in her 20s.

If the toilets were mixed sex I would not feel happy to leave children by the sinks to wait, or to let them go in unaccompanied.

Also this. And the fact that it is easier to drag a woman into a unisex enclosed toilet and lock the door behind.

The gaps under single sex toilet cubicle doors are partly for safety. If somebody collapses it can be seen. I often think that unisex floor to ceiling toilets are unsafe in this regard.

I’m going out tonight.

The restaurant only has 2 loos one ordinary one and one disabled one.

I won’t be boycotting them.

I'm not so worried about cleanliness. Both really can be as bad or good as each other in that regard. My worries are safety and privacy. Experience of assault and knowing how popular voyeurism and spy cams are on porn sites. For schools particularly I am strongly against mixed sex toilets for children over 8. I understand small venues when one small toilet is all they can provide and it has to be mixed sex, but where space isn't a worry then I would expect single sex toilets.

Being wheelchair bound, I would never be able to eat out again, as not many places have more than one disabled toilet (except for shopping malls and airports!) Also, I need my husband in with me to help me, so single sex disabled loos would also make me unable to go out.

Currently in France where it seems to be the norm. Got so used to it now it isn't a issue. Full-size doors though.

However cleanthiness is very important but I don't think that is factor as to whether it is uni-sex or not but a combination of clientele / establishment.

Yes the spy cams are an issue for me too BlueBooby, so much easier for men to place them in mixed sex or unisex toilets.

And you are quite right Kantastic; it’s very noticeable.

Christ! Isn't there something else you could be doing with your time? Guess not if you're on the feminist board, this is your hobby hey.

I saw the thread in active. I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone