Writing to restaurants and cafes with single-sex loos - anyone want to join me?

[williammorris]

We had a lovely meal in a local restaurant last week - four of us - so the bill was around £130 and on a day when it wasn't eat out to help out, and they were relatively quiet.

Went to the loo at the end - and the three cubicles were single-sex with the wash basins outside in quite a limited space. One of the cubicles was in a mess, with the toilet seat up.

I'm fed up with this. I have a decent disposable income and from now on, I'm boycotting all local restaurants and cafes that don't separate by sex, and I've written to this one to tell them that, spelling out why - e.g. women and teenage girls don't like dealing with sanpro with men in close proximity and the mess you inevitably get.

In future, I'll email to ask about their toilets before making a booking.

Does anyone want to join me in doing the same? I'm guessing it's often men who decide the layout without thinking about the impact, but if we start writing and asking, it may dawn on them they could lose business because of it.

Went to the loo at the end - and the three cubicles were single-sex with the wash basins outside in quite a limited space. One of the cubicles was in a mess, with the toilet seat up. did you mean unisex?

Good idea to do this before booking, then tell them why you're not booking if they have a unisex lavs

Do you mean unisex loos?

Sorry, yes, I do mean unisex.

And, yes, in future it will be something I check before booking.

It would be great if other women did the same toom

I'm in. Booking next week

No, I won't be joining you in this.

My personal preference would be for all public toilets to be mixed sex/ unisex cubicles with floor to ceiling walls with individual wash basins in the cubicles. I'm not actively campaigning for that but if asked my preference there it is.

I'm certainly not going to boycott a restaurant over this. If the toilets need cleaning then tell the staff.

I just don't want to go into Lavs that men have used. They have zero regard for hygiene and yes I bloody well am stereotyping

I think you should complain to this restaurant and explain why you won’t be visiting again. Suggest they ask their customers about reinstating the arrangement.
I went out during Covid and they had a loo usher managing the queue. All doors were accessed from outside and the usher was outside standing well back. They had two self contained disabled loos, one usually men’s entrance which contained Shared sinks, urinals and partial partitioned stalls, and one usually women’s With shared sinks and partially partitioned stalls.

We all had an entire area to ourselves, and the usher kept everyone safe. I was sent to the usual men’s for my exclusive use, and it was immaculate. Dd was sent to disabled and DH to the usual women’s.
This was fine, attraction was functioning at low capacity.
It’s quite clear that it is more cost effective at full capacity to have loos divided by urethra location though.

Be prepared for them to lie.

I have many friends with accessibility issues, and even trying to confirm facilities in advance is a lucky dip. Quite a few times we've got there and there's a step into the building. Making it academic about whether they had disabled loos or not.

And that's before the ever-vanishing disabled loo, as they all get converted to "gender neutral".

It really is much better for the soul and spirit, if not waistline, to get used to not going out.

I'll report back if they reply to my email.

I should have thought to suggest they ask customers what they think - it's in a wealthy area with a lot of older people. I'm guessing most of the ladies wot lunch wouldn't like it

I should have thought to suggest they ask customers what they think

Like M&S ?

No. My preference is for unisex loos. It's much easier to supervise opposite-sex children. I would expect all loos in cafés and restaurants to be clean, regardless of who used them, and I would certainly refuse to eat somewhere that didn't maintain good hygiene standards, but that's a different issue.

With 3 toilets, one for each sex and one mixed should be fair enough.

Although my experience is still that in a lot of places, women will wait for the women's rather than use the mixed, for exactly the reason you saw - the state of the mixed.

Either that or they just need to be cleaned more often, and that's because for whatever reason, it's rare to find a frequently used mens that doesn't smell bad.

A lot of restaurants where I live have only single person toilets anyway, usually two or three. So two small rooms, totally separate with their own toilet and sink. Often both are accessible as well.

Larger places have cubicles but they seem less common now, there seems to have been a trend to smaller restaurants.

I don't have a problem with the former arrangement.

The handwashing area was shared though, no basins in the cubicles, and all crammed into a very small space, I'm guessing what once was the ladies.

Many cleaners on here have pointed out that the state womens loos are left in is often no better than mens. I'm also fascinated what mess you get into with San pro. Even at my heaviest it was nothing the couldn't be wiped with loo roll.

Is this really about the state men leave the loo in? If so I'd have just complained about the cleanliness, though it feels like you have a wider agenda here.

I actually like having the individual cubicles (don't care if unisex or not) with the basin inside - makes it far easier to sort out sanpro, especially with a mooncup.

As long as they don't open directly onto the restaurant/public area.... but that's a different matter.

Although I my h prefer toilets separated by sex, I've cleaned supermarket loos and to be honest, women are as filthy as men. The only issues are urinals which stink, as there are always drops of wee on the floor in front. One cafe I know (near Carnforth) actually converted both its toilets to unisex and left the urinal in, no woman wants to use that loo as it stinks.

This is the feminism topic, so, yes, it's not only about cleanliness. It's about female privacy and dignity too.

I can remember back to my own teenage years and being mortified if any of the boys knew I was having a period - the rustling packaging is a giveaway from the outside of a cubicle.

I take the point about mixed sex and mums with boys, but up to the age of about 8, no-one ever objects to boys being in with their mums.

And, as I've said, there were no basins inside the cubicles either, so you're washing your hands in a very small space outside with men/boys.

Anyway, others may disagree, but I hate it and it's appearing more and more, but not anywhere I'll be spending money again.

*no idea what the my h is in my previous post...gremlins.

I can remember back to my own teenage years and being mortified if any of the boys knew I was having a period - the rustling packaging is a giveaway from the outside of a cubicle

Or the rustle of taking out a new pair of tights or an incontinence pad. I really have no time for this sort of nonsense about periods and women continuing to perpetuate it.

You , general you , are in a toilet doing the things that happen in toilets.

Nobody objects to small boys going in with their mums, it's true, but if the thought of using a cubicle that's been used by a man is apparently too much for an adult woman, then surely little girls shouldn't have to use the men's loos.

And I don't honestly see why it's s feminist act to hide away menstruation like some kind of shameful secret that has to be hidden from men.

My workplace, my favourite café, every house I've ever lived in - they all have loos which are not segregated by sex, and it's never been a problem, and is frequently mire convenient.

I know many local and small restaurants that only have one or two cubicles in the bathroom due to space limitation or the building being listed.

I wouldn't want to put a good restaurant out of business for no good reason. Just seems petty and spiteful. What do you do if you go round to a friends for dinner and all guests of all sex use the same bathroom?

And I don't honestly see why it's s feminist act to hide away menstruation like some kind of shameful secret that has to be hidden from men.

Neither did my Mum . If you observe, carefully, you'll see that not talking about it is much more what men want. So much so that it's become a trope in comedy.

No, I won’t be joining you
I don’t think I’m that bothered by this issue