Transphobic DD.

[Viennabreathes]

I’m fuming as I type this so I apologise in advance for typos/mistakes.

DD3 came home from school today a bit flustered. I’ve got out of her that her and some friends were discussing trans rights/issues in Ethics today (it’s a compulsory class they take but not an actual GCSE so it isn’t too structured and the teacher lets them debate whatever they see fit if it’s in a controlled manner).

One of DD’s friends said if she was a rape or domestic violence victim she wouldn’t feel comfortable having to share a prison cell or
changing room with a trans woman. A girl in their class immediately stood up and shouted at DD’s friend, calling her a transphobe and telling her that she’s ‘uneducated and completely misinformed’.

DD stood up for her friend and this led into a bit of a debate, from what DD and her HOY have told me, DD said the following:
-‘If you have a penis, you’re a man. It’s simple’
-‘Can you be quiet for a second and let someone else get a word in? You keep interrupting and calling us transphobic to shut us down as you can’t bear us having different opinions’

I got an email from DD’s Head of Year today saying that she has an hour detention next Monday due to an ‘incident’ which happened in this lesson today.

DD was honest with me. This same girl called her a ‘cis girl with no fucking brain cells’, to which DD replied, ‘I’m a girl, not a fucking cis girl. If you think people can identify as trans, I identify as a woman. Not a cis woman.’

Yes DD swore. But after being spoken over and provoked for 30 minutes.

I don’t see why she is in this much trouble and she tells me when the Head of Year spoke to them both, she was forced to apologise to the other girl (if she didn’t, she would have been kept out of lessons with this girl until she did) etc.

My child is not transphobic and frankly, I agree with most of what she said.

AIBU to email her HoY and book a meeting to discuss and support my DD? DH thinks I am overreacting.

You are not over reacting at all.

I’d definitely speak to the Head of Year.

Absolutely don't allow her to do the detention until you've got a clear rundown of what happened from the school

I’m not usually a parent who comes into school to deal with my DC’s battles. I’m not pushy. I let them get on with things.

But it’s more about what this represents, rather than her actual school, considering all the attention in the media with the Labour party leadership election etc, which all directly ties in with trans issues.

I would definitely email the HoY at the very least to find out more.

Definitely, definitely go and speak to them. Your DD sounds awesome and she needs your support.

YANBU. Has DH explained why he thinks that?

You're not overreacting at all.

@Ikeameatballs
I was planning on doing so earlier but I wanted to speak to DD properly first.

I think I’ll email her in the morning as we have a while until the detention anyway.

I feel you need to educate yourself as it seams your daughter is being very uneducated I think the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree

They both swore in class, both should get a detention. Regardless of any debate going on, that wasnt a good way to behave in school.

Definitely speak to the school. I’d be so proud of her, sensible girl and brave too to speak out

Tbh it sounds like it got pretty heated. I would expect consequences for students who were involved in a debate that devolved into a death argument.

I'm behind your dd 100%. It's difficult not to swear when you're faced with outright lunacy and reality-denial. Even when you're my age, let alone a teenager!

@CodenameVillanelle
She really is. I’ll admit, it’s a bit of a sensitive topic in our house as I’m obviously gender critical but DD2 has completely bought into the whole self ID idea and has been shutting DD3 down at home too, which is why it’s quite hard for her to be accused of bullying her classmate (her classmate made this accusation also) and called a transphobe.

Sorry that was autocorrect - sweary argument

Well done to your DD. It's brave to stand up and say something like that (I know it's crazy, but it's true!). Send her some love from Mumsnet, she's a good un.

God the irony in your post, Zoecarter!

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult
If the detention is for swearing.
Fair enough. But according to the behaviour policy, which hasn’t changed much since DS was there years ago, swearing results in a 10 minute same day detention with the class teacher, not the centralised Monday ones.

Hats off your daughter.
What the fuck is a cis girl anyway 🙄🙄🙄

From what you've said the other girl swore first, did she get a detention?

Your DD is amazing. I would be so very proud if my daughter had said all that and stood up to the transactivist bully. Fight this all the way.

My feelings too. Your DD and her friend sound like girls who know what they think and won't be bullied. for them

I also wonder if the girl she was arguing with identified as trans?

Oooh I'd have fun there.

I would demand to be told whether or not your daughter said anything factually incorrect.
And if so, what.
And how would the teacher justify it.

Oooh deary deary me. This would be delicious. Snark, sarcasm and condescension would flow.

Stand up for your daughter, OP. She's a smart one.

@Zoecarter
I feel you need to educate yourself as it seams your daughter is being very uneducated I think the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree
Pot, kettle, black.