Transphobic DD.

[Viennabreathes]

I’m fuming as I type this so I apologise in advance for typos/mistakes.

DD3 came home from school today a bit flustered. I’ve got out of her that her and some friends were discussing trans rights/issues in Ethics today (it’s a compulsory class they take but not an actual GCSE so it isn’t too structured and the teacher lets them debate whatever they see fit if it’s in a controlled manner).

One of DD’s friends said if she was a rape or domestic violence victim she wouldn’t feel comfortable having to share a prison cell or
changing room with a trans woman. A girl in their class immediately stood up and shouted at DD’s friend, calling her a transphobe and telling her that she’s ‘uneducated and completely misinformed’.

DD stood up for her friend and this led into a bit of a debate, from what DD and her HOY have told me, DD said the following:
-‘If you have a penis, you’re a man. It’s simple’
-‘Can you be quiet for a second and let someone else get a word in? You keep interrupting and calling us transphobic to shut us down as you can’t bear us having different opinions’

I got an email from DD’s Head of Year today saying that she has an hour detention next Monday due to an ‘incident’ which happened in this lesson today.

DD was honest with me. This same girl called her a ‘cis girl with no fucking brain cells’, to which DD replied, ‘I’m a girl, not a fucking cis girl. If you think people can identify as trans, I identify as a woman. Not a cis woman.’

Yes DD swore. But after being spoken over and provoked for 30 minutes.

I don’t see why she is in this much trouble and she tells me when the Head of Year spoke to them both, she was forced to apologise to the other girl (if she didn’t, she would have been kept out of lessons with this girl until she did) etc.

My child is not transphobic and frankly, I agree with most of what she said.

AIBU to email her HoY and book a meeting to discuss and support my DD? DH thinks I am overreacting.

@Zoecarter

@LambChopsMcGee
I will! She’s read some of the threads on the feminism board over my shoulder. She was very surprised actual people agree with our mindsets on it as it is considered awful to be remotely critical of some self ID ideas etc.

Your DD is awesome

I feel you need to educate yourself as it seams your daughter is being very uneducated I think the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree

Ahem.

The ops dd does need to educate herself. That when she is surrounded by people who are so open minded their brains have fallen out she won't be allowed to have a logical debate, and will just be accused of bullying and be called names. She should shut up, simper and #bekind.

I feel you need to educate yourself as it seams your daughter is being very uneducated I think the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree

Ironic

OP don't let this go. Your DD has done nothing wrong

The term transphobic is more dangerous to women than any other term at the moment.

All of these children need to spend less time on the internet really.

Swearing aside, your DD sounds great. I would contact the HOY to ask for a meeting.

I would want to know exactly what the detention is for. Other than the swearing I can't see what your DD has done wrong. Good for her standing up for herself. What's the point in ethics debates if everyone agrees? Surely there's an element of learning how to express yourself then agree to disagree. If it turns out there's some sort of school policy on accepting all TRA views and self ID ideology I'd be worried.

I guess you need a conversation with the HoY to establish the reason for the detention.
Is it about the swearing? Did she put her point across in a manner that was appropriate for a debate? And did the other student? Did she breach one of the school policies?
This is a topic that people feel very strongly about but I do believe it's possible to debate it civilly.

Basically, teach her to act stoopid round stoopid people. Then come and vent on here. I've had enough. Men are men, women are women. Men can wear dresses and eyeliner, good for them. But they aren't women. This is beyond ridiculous.

Definitely stand up for your daughter. What a brave young woman!

@StealthPolarBear
I've had enough. Men are men, women are women. Men can wear dresses and eyeliner, good for them. But they aren't women. This is beyond ridiculous

I’ve had enough too. It’s exhausting having to debate and explain basic biology.

Too right, @zoecarter. She'd probably tell you "fallen" is the verb form you should have chosen too. The Heducated Hussy

Print this out and hand It to your DDs head of year

fovas.wordpress.com/

I personally would not assume that she is being punished for expressing her views - if the whole point of the class was to debate the trans issue then surely it was set up to allow people to air their views, on both sides of the debate.

I am 100% behind your daughter and her friend. How dare they be shouted down for telling the truth. I don't think much of the school either.

I'd like to think but I suspect you're wrong.

Give your daughter a big cheer from me. Definitely go in.

Also you say the debate was going on for 30 mins. If the teacher considered anti-trans views unacceptable she would have just shut it down. It’s not like the school would have allowed a debate on whether the races are equal to go on for 30 mins. I suspect that the issue is more with how she expressed herself, or maybe something in particular she said that the teacher thought crossed the line.

This is quite a sensitive and current topic at the moment. There is a huge difference between transpeople and transactivists / people who conflate sex with gender and try to silence anyone who disagrees with their views by using transphobe and cis labels to shut down debate. It sounds like the other girl is repeating a lot of the activist terminology. Your daughter seems to be repeating a lot of the 'women's rights' examples side of the current argument.

There is quite a bit coming to light in the news about people detransitioning, the loss of sex-based rights, unfairness in women's sport, being able to self-ID etc. which is whipping up a lot of strong feelings on twitter regarding this on both sides of the discussion and seems to be almost trying to pit transpeople against women and vice versa. It may also be a topic which is particularly sensitive for the other girl who knows.

I'd make sure you are armed with facts if you go to see the school. Explain the provocation, explain the background of what they have been arguing over etc. If the detention is purely due to the aggressive reaction from both girls, and the swearing regardless of what the argument was about then thats probably not going to sway the detention. If one is apologising to the other but not vice versa and the school say they are disregarding the content of the argument then the school isn't treating one of them fairly. I'd ask for an explanation personally and also make sure you are getting the full story not just daughters version.

Wasn't your daughter misgendered when she was called cis? What's being done about that?

@Zoecarter I don’t think it’s the OP’s daughter who is uneducated!

OP I think your DD sounds Great!! I would be on the phone 1st thing in the morning to HOY!