Transphobic DD.

[Viennabreathes]

I’m fuming as I type this so I apologise in advance for typos/mistakes.

DD3 came home from school today a bit flustered. I’ve got out of her that her and some friends were discussing trans rights/issues in Ethics today (it’s a compulsory class they take but not an actual GCSE so it isn’t too structured and the teacher lets them debate whatever they see fit if it’s in a controlled manner).

One of DD’s friends said if she was a rape or domestic violence victim she wouldn’t feel comfortable having to share a prison cell or
changing room with a trans woman. A girl in their class immediately stood up and shouted at DD’s friend, calling her a transphobe and telling her that she’s ‘uneducated and completely misinformed’.

DD stood up for her friend and this led into a bit of a debate, from what DD and her HOY have told me, DD said the following:
-‘If you have a penis, you’re a man. It’s simple’
-‘Can you be quiet for a second and let someone else get a word in? You keep interrupting and calling us transphobic to shut us down as you can’t bear us having different opinions’

I got an email from DD’s Head of Year today saying that she has an hour detention next Monday due to an ‘incident’ which happened in this lesson today.

DD was honest with me. This same girl called her a ‘cis girl with no fucking brain cells’, to which DD replied, ‘I’m a girl, not a fucking cis girl. If you think people can identify as trans, I identify as a woman. Not a cis woman.’

Yes DD swore. But after being spoken over and provoked for 30 minutes.

I don’t see why she is in this much trouble and she tells me when the Head of Year spoke to them both, she was forced to apologise to the other girl (if she didn’t, she would have been kept out of lessons with this girl until she did) etc.

My child is not transphobic and frankly, I agree with most of what she said.

AIBU to email her HoY and book a meeting to discuss and support my DD? DH thinks I am overreacting.

Id go with what cava said-what is it that my dd has said is factually wrong

if its something else fine but then both girls should be in dentention

When I read this I was actually like yes, go girl! Haha. Good on your DD, it must have taken some guts to stand up for what she believes in and say exactly what was on her mind. You are clearly bringing up a strong young woman who knows her own mind and isn't afraid to say what she thinks, no matter how controversial.

Hell would freeze over before my child did that detention.

Your DD is a heroine. Do exactly what @Knoxinbox suggests. It’s a powerful, simply-written document.

The term transphobic is more dangerous to women than any other term at the moment.

I disagree. It’s so overused that it’s become completely meaningless.

I think I would ask the school to discuss the difference between transphobia and disagreement with identity politics. For a child to be called transphobic in error highlights a hole in the understanding of the pupils and potentially the member of staff leading the class.

The judge in the Harry Miller case discussed it quite succinctly....

OP, you need to be proud of your daughter, she is right, and she is very brave.

Good on your daughter. Don't let this go. If the detention was for having a valid stance against the transactivist then it's completely wrong. If it was for swearing, then the detention would be warranted but the other girl needs the same detention. Too many who have valid points are being labeled transphobic and it is a damaging term for women, as a pp said.

Your daughter sounds great. 🙌🏻

I just don’t understand why Mumsnet is so transphobic. If some one like Blair white (I have chosen a well know trans women for arguments sake) for example was sent to a male prison or had to use male changing rooms it would be so dangerous for her. Also I don’t understand the logic of trans men, being transgender works both ways it’s not for men pretending to be women to abuse helpless people. There is no empathy being showed to people who struggle in there own body.

You are right to be furious. Ask the school if they're teaching 'post fact' now and how that will work in exams?

I’m a girl, not a fucking cis girl. If you think people can identify as trans, I identify as a woman. Not a cis woman.
Why to go. I am so stealing this comment.

I have no problem with genuine transgender/body dismorphia, it's self identification that worries me.

If some one like Blair white (I have chosen a well know trans women for arguments sake) for example was sent to a male prison or had to use male changing rooms it would be so dangerous for her

Can you explain why? With reference to external bioligical reality? When you have done that, can you explain cognitive dissonance?

Way to go, not why.

Biological even....

She may enjoy listening to this, from about 8 minutes in. Don't call me cis!

Your DD is fab and if the detention is for swearing then the other girl should also be in detention. I'd want the punishment to be balanced and I'd be having a meeting with the HOY with my daughter present first thing.

Send her a high five from me.

Kids like yours should always speak up. She's telling the truth. You're doing a great job.

I have no problem with genuine transgender/body dismorphia, it's self identification that worries me.

Yes this exactly for me. My cousin is transgender and he's been through the entire surgeries. It was a long process but he's happy.

The concerns about self identifying aren't being transphobic. People have a right to be concerned about how men and women can self identify but not actually mean it.

@Zoecarter
If Blair White is in danger because Blair has been sent to a male prison. Who represents the danger? Just have a think about that for a moment.
It's not transphobic to believe in Biology, Human beings cannot change sex. EVER. it's just not physically possible.
I'll ask you again what sex of person represents a danger to Blair. I'll give you a clue, it's not women.
If you can answer who represents the danger you'll see why Women are up in arms and fighting once again for their rights.
Op your daughter sounds fabulous, well done you.

I’d also go down down the route of asking what is factually incorrect about what she said.
Get school policy as well, so if it is for swearing you can quote it’s supposed to be 10 mins, not an hour.
Arm yourself with the facts before hand

@Zoecarter
Their body, words are very important

I am in awe of your daughter, OP! And you, for raising such a heroine.

Too bad the teachers are setting such a poor example. I do sympathise with all employees who have to toe the trans line or risk losing their job and their career. But they could try to be a bit even-handed.

If some one like Blair white Karen white (I have chosen a well know trans women for arguments sake) for example was sent to a male prison or had to use male changing rooms it would be so dangerous for her a shitload of women.

Corrected that for you. You're welcome.

Other girl needs a detention for misgendering your daughter. That’s highly transphobic and offensive. I mean it’s literal violence! If she isn’t in detention for that then no way should your DD be in detention for swearing.

I'd support your daughter. X