8 year old boy wants to change with the girls

[FairytaleofBykerGrove]

I’ve been informed that a boy in my daughters class ‘feels like a girl’. He’s been wearing dresses to school for a while (fine) and now wants to change with the girls for swimming. Apparently the children will all accept it no problem and they’d like the parents to do the same. He will be under a poncho towel so we don’t have to worry about his privacy(?) I am really very unhappy with this. Which is why I’m up at 3 in the morning. The other parents I’ve spoken to don’t seem to care either way. I can’t understand it at all. Do you have any advice for me?

*there

I would just email back that this is unacceptable to me.

Leave the kids out of it; the adults should protest.

I feel empathy toward the boy but this is not a solution that helps him, either. Either way he’s going to stand out and be uncomfortable. They should find a better solution for him.

www.education.ie/en/Publications/Education-Reports/Being-LGBT-in-School.pdf

This is aimed at post primary.

The use of toilet and changing facilities often causes most debate around the inclusion of transgender students. Other students and their families may feel uncomfortable with a transgender student using the same gender-specific facilities. This discomfort may be rooted in an unfounded assumption of inappropriate behaviour on the part of the student who is transgender and consequently it is not a reason to deny access to the transgender student. However, it is important to address this discomfort and to foster understanding of gender identity in order to create a school culture that respects and values all students and prevents transphobic bullying.

Make room girls, put up and shut up.

Thanks everybody, genuinely. I have made a list of all your points. It was useful to hear people arguing for the acceptance of this situation too - it helped me prepare a response. I’m going to try and sleep now. I feel a bit more armed, although that last link really is disturbing.

Well done for being brave and standing up for our DDs. Please come back if you need support. It can’t be easy, especially if all the other parents are supposedly fine with it.

I think he should change separately, after the girls change. He may feel like a girl but he isn't one. At least not yet.
I don't agree with these unisex toilets either think it's dangerous. X

My niece had breast buds at nine and I'm sure would have felt self-conscious changing. Even when I was at school years ago one girl started her periods at nine and a number of others were developing breasts. It must be more common now. Surely the school can see it is inappropriate on the cusp of puberty for some. Also why are they so concerned about his privacy (using the poncho) but not about that of the girls?

There may be less of an issue at 8 but the school is setting the kids up for the future too, and once puberty kicks in, the girls who "didn't mind" at 8 are going to be under extra pressure to keep the status quo at 11, aren't they. "But little Johnny has been changing with the girls for 3 years and you didn't have a problem with it then, be nice to little Johnny his needs are more important than yours and you're bad and wrong and transphobic if you decide to object years after we decided for you aged 8."

This is totally unacceptable. Girls are being trained to put up and shut up under #BeKind. Can you pull your dd from swimming? Can you talk to your MP?

We have mixed changing at our swimming lessons (small pool). One girl 3 boys. The girl was not happy on wk 1. Her mum bought her a big towelling thing to get change under. It's a tiny pool. It will do for now but not forever.

Those girls have the same right to privacy that they always had of course you should complain and why should it be the girls who have to compromise? Stick to your guns op x

Why does he want to change with the girls? Is he being bullied by the boys? Whatever his feelings this child is not a girl. I would not have liked to change with a boy present when I was a girl at age eight. The decision should not be left to the girls. It should have been discussed with parents first, never mentioned to the girls at all.

As others have echoed here, the point utterly missed as per usual by the ffs they're just children brigade is that the girls, and boys, are being taught early these socio-norms of girls MUST be submissive to the demands of males. Girls MUST be kind. Girls are not allowed to say no. Girls must make way for men. Girls are not allowed to want their own privacy. They start absorbing these messages this young, and carry these beliefs into adult hood.

Oh, and to want your own privacy is "wrong", "bigoted", and "transphobic". They are being taught early to stay silent, or else.

If one child is changing under a poncho then all of the other children need to have their own ponchos too .

Are there no cubicles for him to go in? That would seem a reasonable solution.

I was going through puberty at 9, and more girls start earlier these days. But that shouldn't make a difference.

The girls need to know they are allowed privacy, and that boundaries are okay. Having boundaries is not unkind either.

I wonder what would happen if the suggestion had been to put this child into an adult changing room? 🤔

And so it starts. Girls being called ‘bigoted’ for not wanting to remove their clothes in front of boys.

I’d prefer not to give details but there would be no one I can think of in the class complaining on the grounds of culture or religion.

Start your own religion of common sense safeguarding.

I think you are right in approaching it as a critical time for setting boundaries for girls and focussing on the reasons for sex segregation rather than gender segregation.

At what age can you legally transition in Ireland? I ask because I don’t think that mentioned often enough in similar UK situations. You cannot get a GRC until you are 18. Therefore there is no legal requirement for certain accommodations that people demand until (at least) 18 which would solve a number of education based issues.

It's not bigoted to se that he changes under a ponch for his decency and the girls dont matter enough to have that same standard applied

Boys above girls men above women dont complain #bekind

If he changes under a poncho why not in with the boys, I’m sure boys are kind.

Good luck op this is not acceptable.

He may be I and harmless but that's not the point. They lint is that girls are now being denied the right to privacy and dignity and being taught to override their boundaries to"be kind".

This is a message that will one day place them in serious danger.

And the boy is being taught he is more important than everyone else.

Neither is a healthy message to send children .

They need the adults to be adults and protect them here.

8 and harmless