Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

Littlechristmasmouse has a habit of coming onto the feminism board and whattaboutthemenning - they have it a good go on the Male midwife thread as well.

At the hospital I gave birth in there was a coffee machine and a tea kettle on a table in the corridor so I regularly sent OH out there to make us both a cup of tea. He got given a light meal after the birth though (so did I but I was too busy haemorrhaging to eat). If he had moaned about not being given enough attention I'd have been so pissed off, but thankfully he was quite happy to sit quietly in the corner so I could focus on my gas and air.

Mouse, it is exceptional because you couldn't cope with him leaving you for long enough to get something to eat.
Many women are stuck in for long labours but generally they can handle their dp popping off to get food.

Umm I wasnt fed at all and I was the one who gave birth I was told to help myself to food great except it's all hot gluten in it I'm gluten intolerant see my wristband everyone has been informed you were sent a special meal for me no its sandwiches help yourself look seriously love I cant ok I will talk to someone off she goes next meal repeat husband talks to them look she is supposed to be breastfeeding a child who is in NICU surely food is important yes? She needs food three days later I get given a code for one meal fortunately my mil cottoned on to me not being fed and dropped off gluten free bread butter and some ham and no I didn't get a cuppa tea either

At the hospital I gave birth in there was a coffee machine and a tea kettle on a table in the corridor so I regularly sent OH out there to make us both a cup of tea.

Exactly. That's all that I am saying. I'm not what about menning at all - not all birth partners are men.

And yes, birth partners are there to support the mum. So they do need basic access to food and drink. What use will they be to anyone when they pass out because they haven't eaten for 24 hours?

And yes, my 5 days might be excessive but I know loads of women who have had 36 hour labours.

If hospitals expect a partner to be there then I think they do need to provide the basics.

I don't know if the man in the OP was complaining because he specifically wanted tea brought to him or if he was complaining that he couldn't get anything at all.

In hospital a couple of weeks ago and my room was opposite the ward kitchen - there were constant streams of visitors going in to make themselves drinks and a mum who came in everyday and took her kids down to help themselves to bowls of cereal so it seems entitlement is alive and kicking everywhere.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel

Yes, and I couldn't. My first delivery was horrific. We both nearly died. I had the same condition in the 2nd pregnancy and the absolute fear that the same was happening again, coupled with the terrible care, meant that I did not feel safe left alone.

You were supplied with a trolley shop, you had your own supplies that you were told to bring and you had friends bring you food. He wasn't without food or drink for 24 hours. And, should he have found himself unexpectedly in that circumstance and starving hungry, he would have had to pick a moment to nip out and find something. Needs must and all.

None of this is relevant to the complaint this chap was making.

Yes, and I couldn't. My first delivery was horrific. We both nearly died. I had the same condition in the 2nd pregnancy and the absolute fear that the same was happening again, coupled with the terrible care, meant that I did not feel safe left alone

You do realise that there will be people im the hospital who were actually dying and weren't allowed to have their partners stay full time with them? And that that their partners weren't being given meals either?.

None of this is relevant to the complaint this chap was making.

Some posters have to turn everything jnto their personal thread.

You do realise that there will be people im the hospital who were actually dying and weren't allowed to have their partners stay full time with them? And that that their partners weren't being given meals either?.

Umm, no. Dying patients on my ward always had relatives with them.

But on labour ward you can have people with you so your point is irrelevant really. I wasn't asking for anything that every other labouring woman had - a birthing partner with her. Had I been well I would have been at home.

I do apologise for not birthing "right" but good to see women being judged for how they give birth on a feminism board anyway.

Ofgs little Christmas mouse. Stop,with the derailing

Read the room

Little I understand this is an emotional topic for you but was that last bit called for? No one has criticised how you birthed.

Why’s it emosh for her. We talking about men asking for cups of tea and feeling left out

And you have no idea of the births of the women on this thread so don't make large assumptions.

You had your partner with you. You had food and drink.

Now, about what this man was complaining about...

This isn't a thread about anyone's individual birth experience - lots of us have had traumatic births, and poor aftercare.

This is about a man who says:

"Sat yesterday for 12 hours never offered a drink or anything i felt invisible. It was a disgrace and made me feel quite mad. All the tax and national insurance i pay and not even a courtesy of a teabag now and then or even just like i had a right to be there supporting my missus and waiting for our miracle.."

Nothing about his wife's experiences in there - this man wants a midwife to bring him tea, and a bit of attention with a pleasant bedside manner, by the sounds of it. Poor old invisible man.

This chap just can't get his head around the fact that he wasn't the priority. He wasn't waiting for a miracle either, he was waiting for his wife to do some bloody hard work to birth their baby, at considerable risk to her health and well being.

Really Prequelle

Only Guyliner post comparing my labour and needing someone with me to a dying patient sounded exactly like criticism.

When my DS2 was in hospital recently, I couldn't have cared less how much attention I got from the nurses and doctors. I just wanted them to focus on DS2 and getting him well. Because I was capable of realising who was the priority and it wasn't me! That's what this guy is missing, empathy and seeing his wife as a fully realised person. Not just a vessel for his baby.

Are women who are in labour given cups of tea? I certainly wasn’t.

This douche bag should have put his phone down for 5 mins and got himself a cup of tea. Midwives are highly regarded professionals not waiting staff.

I don't think they were criticising your birth. They were saying that there's people dying all over the hospital and the family don't expect or get (although in some places they do) preferential treatment.

What stops the bloke taking a flask. I can understand he may not want to leave his partner to get one.
It's not a hotel

Well he could have taken a flask but he’d much rather play the victim on the internet.

Did your OH pack immodium in the things you brought then?

Are women who are in labour given cups of tea? I certainly wasn’t

Me neither.

When my dc was in hospital for a week i wasn’t offered tea either. There was a kitchen, and the canteen. Dc was fed and watered, i lived on vending machine food. I was more interested in the overworked staff bringing painkillers for dc than a cup of tea for me.