Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

Also no water available? Even in taps?

Water is the one thing that is generally provided to patients and OK for guest to have a drink.

No water for 5 days for a woman in labour needs a complaint.

This 5 days, presumably there was IV fluids running and oral fluids were only denied due to risk of having to go to theatre?

No water for 5 days for a woman in labour needs a complaint.

I was nil by mouth, on IV fluids because they thought I might need a CS at any time.

Makes sense!

And the immodium?

He could have had a drink from the tap when he went for a piss or did he literally not leave your side for 5 days as you say.

And really, that's up to you.

Your situation is irrelevant to the posts.

Most hosps have food drink available less than a15 min walk away. You need to try and effect change for your v unusual setup there.

I can't believe no water was available to your DH or were the bogs 15 mins away too.

And there was a trolley to buy stuff off anyway.

So your DH was not literally without food and drink for 5 days you're exaggerating to defend a random internet man who wanted the midwives to bring him tea.

I had a toilet in my room.

And I didn't say he was without food and drink - but the options were very minimal.

Even taking out my circumstances I can see that birthing partners, are very likely to be there for 12 hours and it's not unreasonable to have something close by for them.

I don't think it's saying that they are more important or being demanding. Plenty of women have their mums as birth partners - they might easily be in their 60s. Do you not think they might appreciate having drinks within easy distance too? And people are reluctant to leave the ward in case something happens while you are away, unless they can say nothing is happening for a couple of hours (which they really can't say definitely)

Again, I'm not defending anyone who expects the midwives to wait on them. Just mire thought needs to go into the facilities for birthing partners, and parents staying in NICU and paeds wards too. Again, not a full room service menu but just a couple of vending machines at least.

If the dude in the OP had said he would be happy with a vending machine nearby, rather than expecting (female) medical staff to bring him cups tea because he's such a special person, nobody would have any issue with him.

I was in labour for 45 hours with DS1. DH was there supporting me every step of the way. It was hard going. Induction, epidural, ventouse and forceps - all failed. Ended with a section.

Do you know that I have no idea whether DH got tea or anything else? That's because he didn't sit around whining about any shortage of beverages or comestibles. Never mentioned it. I assume he drank from a tap.

He was a massive help to me. He stuck up for me even though he was terrified of hospitals and HCP. That's what I remember.

Then you/ your DH could campaign and get that sorted mouse.

I don't understand what that has to do with the bloke in the op.

And this is what you said 'How could he have survived 5 days without food or water?' turns out water was available and there was a trolley. And food 15 mins away which is very unusually distant for a hosp so agree you and DH should take action on that.

In general all this is derailing though and nothing more.

So looking at the poster above who was in labour for 45 hours - clearly she valued her husband being there and he was a great support.

I don't think it's ok that any birth partner - be they man or woman - is expected to get through 45 hours on just water.

They're not. They're expected to be adults and sort out their own food.

I'm sorry but as a HCP I can't stand this learned helplessness. Vending machine, pack a bag, ring a family member or friend, order a sodding takeaway if you must, but just sort your own shite out and stop thinking the NHS has to cater to every man and his dogs needs when we have to prioritise and are already stretched thin taking care of actual patients.

That sounds harsher than I intended it to be but really, people need to think on and be responsible for themselves.

Wtf most hosps have multiple options for purchasing for and drink very close to all wards.

Your hosp is v unusual in that it is a15 mins walk to food or drink although oh yes there is a trolley that comes round...

The idea that adults in these situations need to be hand held by NHS staff is ridiculous.

You are derailing.

Why are you so keen to do that. This thread is not about you. It is about a man who complained that midwives didn't get him a cup of tea while his wife was in labour.

Just mire thought needs to go into the facilities for birthing partners, and parents staying in NICU and paeds wards too

They only feed and water breastfeeding mothers on our nicu/paeds ward - the mums of bottle fed babies rightly have to organise their own sustenance.

You've missed the point. Prawnofthepatriarchy was pointing out that her partner sorted himself out and didn't make a fuss.

Should male health professionals stop performing essential patient care to make tea for non-patients I wonder, or just the female ones?

All the tax and national insurance i pay

The original whingeing bloke was the embodiment of entitlement.
National Insurance. ... well, I think it's general tax which pays for the nhs but, yeah, considering it insurance - we all pay so that the service is there for those that need it.

Insurance in general and health insurance in particular, you're actually really lucky if you never get any value out of it, aren't you?

Prat.

I don't think it's too much to ask for birthing partners to sort themselves out. It's not like they don't have nine months to plan what they might need in the event of a long birth. A bag of prepacked snacks and thermos for example.
Seriously, these poor undervalued men are about to become fathers, it's probably time they showed some initiative.

Walking speed is 1 mile an hour

I do not believe you mouse that the canteen was a mile away. You are exaggerating. Just as you have exaggerate d your whole story of your brave husband who went 5 days with out a speck of food except for the readily available food trolly unless you want to discuss the actual post can you please stop talking about yourself?

Should male health professionals stop performing essential patient care to make tea for non-patients I wonder, or just the female ones

Don't be ridiculous they're proper medical people. Midwives are just glorified tea ladies.

Hahaha. The starving mouse husband. Lost for 5 days and nights like a wee blind mole in a field

😎😎

I don't think it's too much to ask for birthing partners to sort themselves out. It's not like they don't have nine months to plan what they might need in the event of a long birth

Well precisely. They remember their phones and cigarettes dont they?

If a grown adult hasnt figured out to pack a bag of crisps or two then I dont know how they managed to make the baby in the first place tbh.

I remember at prenatal classes the midwife saying (when asked) that if the dad fainted in the delivery ward they’d just step over him and kick him to the side.

RomanyQueen1

What stops the bloke taking a flask. I can understand he may not want to leave his partner to get one.
It's not a hotel

Yes. Are these people for real? It's pretty standard on every hospital bag packing list I've seen (and not just for the labour ward) to include snacks and drinks for support people.
These man-babies must be perpetually bewildered if feeding and watering themselves is too difficult...

And I just can't even with the dude who wanted to be equal in the experience wow.

And I just can't even with the dude who wanted to be equal in the experience wow.

Oh I'm sure we can arrange for them to experience