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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

394 replies

FromDespairToHere · 16/04/2019 22:09

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

OP posts:
LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 11:10

FromthePinkGlitterySide

You understand what I went through? Err, no you don't. You understand what you went through.

And my posts have been about my 2nd pregnancy, and the way that my 1st affected me so badly that I needed a lot more support during my 2nd labour. The fear of the 1st situation happening again was too much for me. But, thanks for the understanding.

FromthePinkGlitterySide · 19/04/2019 11:11

@HalfBloodPrincess I’m a vague lurker on this board and hardly ever post on MN at all but I truly can’t see what on earth the point of doing this is? Are people really this self obsessed?

LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 11:12

HalfBloodPrincess

If you think I am a troll then report me.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 19/04/2019 11:13

It was all going so well, even manchild who whinged because they didn't roll out the welcome mat for him and he doesn't know how to use a tap, then LCM returned to regale us with yet more personal anecdotes and 'I nearly died!' (why not get that printed on a tshirt and wear it around, paint it on a placard and walk round Trafalgar Square for the day with it) to me-rail and bore everyone to tears.

FromthePinkGlitterySide · 19/04/2019 11:14

Actually I said I know where you’re coming from. I have three dc and pre eclampsia twice. I’m not even going to bother typing about any other experiences I had because it’s a waste of my time and the time of the other people on this thread who seemed to be quite happily discussing something else entirely before you rocked up with your selfish bleating.

queenscot · 19/04/2019 11:17

The guy who said two things tool belt made me cry, he just got it! As someone who's ex turned up demanding to see the birth after being on my own for 8 months of the pregnancy. He turned it into his thing and got annoyed that it was taking so long. Needless to say he didn't stay for the birth or the upbringing!

HalfBloodPrincess · 19/04/2019 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Prequelle · 19/04/2019 11:38

littlechristmas no, you've attempted to derail this thread multiple times now with your stories. First your labour and now your dad Hmm you then passive aggressively go all 'woe is me it must be all our fault then'. You had a terrible experience, unfortunately lots of women do.

Prequelle · 19/04/2019 11:40

lass I should have said 'discuss' not debate. I didn't think someone would pick apart my words but hey ho.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 19/04/2019 11:41

'One time, at band camp . . . '

LassOfFyvie · 19/04/2019 11:47

lassI should have said 'discuss' not debate. I didn't think someone would pick apart my words but hey ho

Oh dear and how often have I read on hear in relation to anything trans related the mantra that "words are important"

Call it what you like. I still don't know what the point of this thread was.

One idiot man got this arse handed to him on a plate by other men. Contrary to the oft repeated mantra about "class analysis " being so much more important than individual experience that one idiot man becomes "dads" in the plural in the OP's thread title generating pages of "discussion" and "debate".

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/04/2019 11:54

People just like to chat about stuff...

Prequelle · 19/04/2019 12:01

.

LassOfFyvie · 19/04/2019 12:12

I don't know what you are referring to Prequelle but do you have a problem with "debate" or "discussion" which doesn't involve just repeating the majority view?

AssassinatedBeauty Of course people love to chat- double pages of it here all basically agreeing one idiot man was an idiot. I'm still curious as to why the one idiot man multiplied in to plural "dads"

Prequelle · 19/04/2019 12:23

I think it's pretty obvious what I'm referring to. A group of women discussing some men being arse holes doesn't have to be that deep. It's interesting and predictable that someone has come in with the NoT ALL mEn rhetoric thought.

And I don't have any issue, what I have an issue with is someone trying to divert the whole topics attention to themselves (again and again) using highly specific personal emotive situations and I've made that pretty obvious, I'm not arsed about anything else otherwise I would make it clear.

JessicaWakefieldSV · 19/04/2019 12:28

The derailing on this thread!

Now, back to the OP! I showed my 17 year old daughter who said: ‘ does everything have to be about men!!’ That she feels this way at 17 is depressing. I’m glad she has a great Dad who did not think like this during my labour, I have no clue what he ate! Or drank?? But what we both did, as adults, was create a large snack box a month before due date, with cash inside for drinks. So, not that I would of thought about his meals, but we were prepared for a long birth and it never crossed our minds to expect food and drink at the hospital. Pack your food and water people! We had enough for 2 frickin days!

Another thing I have to say, with all this expectation of the NHS, which I have my issues with in terms of women’s healthcare, comes from a place of enormous privilege. You have no idea how lucky we are in the UK to get healthcare. It really bothers me my 71 year old Mum has to pay $80 or thereabouts for a short doctors appointment, I think it’s 10 minutes- that’s what it was when I was last living back home in NZ. It would never enter my brain, as a parent of a child or a partner of a woman in labour that the hospital would in any way provide food or drinks for me. They actually gave my husband toast and a milo, along with me, about an hour after birth. I couldn’t believe we got that and although I was soooo grateful, I wouldn’t expect or be annoyed if I didn’t get that. There was a place close enough to buy things if we ran out. All countries have high demands placed on them in terms of providing for the entire population and it’s needs. Your healthcare system is envied around the world. To complain about not being provided food as a non-patient, a visitor or support person, seems extremely spoilt to this particular foreigner. There are definitely areas that need addressing in the system, particularly the poor services for mental healthcare, providing food for anyone but actual patients should not even be a conversation IMO.

FloralBunting · 19/04/2019 12:29

Well, this isn't the first time a man has queried why he wasn't more acknowledged in a healthcare setting that is focused on the women who are the patients. There was that prat who felt excluded from his friend's mammogram.

It's reasonable to discuss the role of men in this circumstance, especially as expectations have changed so much in recent decades. Even the Christmas Mouse had a reasonable suggestion of accessible vending machines before turning the thread into a 'My NHS hell' confessional.

MenuPlant · 19/04/2019 12:33

Another man on the thread that doesn't know water comes out of taps.

How do these people function.

MrsCollinssettled · 19/04/2019 12:47

When I had my dc the nurses said that they used to have a small kitchen with basics in it (bread, milk, cereal, butter, jam, tea) so that they could give newly delivered mothers something if they arrived on the ward outside of mealtimes as is often the way. They had to stop providing it as so many dads and visitors saw it as a free buffet for everyone.

Wauden · 19/04/2019 12:50

@queenscot Flowers

R0wantrees · 19/04/2019 12:57

Well, this isn't the first time a man has queried why he wasn't more acknowledged in a healthcare setting that is focused on the women who are the patients. There was that prat who felt excluded from his friend's mammogram.

He was Liam Hackett CEO of anti-bullying organisation, 'Ditch The Label'
www.independent.co.uk/news/health/men-ban-breast-screening-clinic-waiting-area-hospital-brighton-anger-a8243666.html

LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 13:09

They had to stop providing it as so many dads and visitors saw it as a free buffet for everyone.

So who were the "other visitors" then? Were they only men?

My room in hospital recently was right opposite the pantry. Every day a lady visited with 2 young children. Every day she took them into the pantry (despite big sign on door saying staff only) and let them help themselves to bowls of cereal.

What conclusions shall we draw from that? Can we conclude that all women are...? No. Because that is unreasonable.

FloralBunting · 19/04/2019 13:21

Remember, folks, whatever circumstance you reference, LittleChristmasMouse will be able to pull out the perfect personal experience to show that NAMALT, men are very hard done by, and you're all wrong.

Prequelle · 19/04/2019 13:22

Bloody hell 😂

LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 13:24

It's not NAMALT.

It is a bizarre way of thinking - one man did this therefore all men are like it.

But if one woman does it... No, that's just that 1 woman.

Utterly bizarre.

As I said, as you all have such a low opinion of men I'm confused as to why you chose to have children with them.

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