Dads to be are 2nd class citizens on the labour ward because they don't get offered a cup of tea...

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope the link works: www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/2nd-class-citizens/?fbclid=IwAR2ah6KP7KIIY1RD5EebUKOBdolCcuI6w2kDndAiZoTBqc2WVWif-HFCeaY

How dare he not be the centre of attention while his wife is giving birth?

Thankfully most of the other men on the forum are quick enough to tell him he's a knob.

What is actually the big deal about making visitors and birth partners go to the trolley/vending machine/canteen to pay for their food?? Presumably if they are at home that night it would be good they've paid for?

Because I git rounded on for even suggesting a vending machine.

It was me who suggested it - the man in the OP was unreasonable if he demanded a midwife make him a cup of tea but I don't think it's unreasonable that facilities be available on the labour ward, even only in the form of a vending machine.

Then followed a huge pile on.

And for 1 night it probably isn't a huge expense to pay for food. But if you are staying with a patient in hospital and paying a tenner a day for food and drink, which is easy to spend in the canteen or Costa, then I think that is unreasonable.

A patent staying with a child can easily spend £70. Would they have spent that at home? My food bill for 4 of us isn't that much for a week. So, to me, that is unreasonable.

Oh god just go away. The man would have had access to a ve ding machine because its 2019 and he is not in your hospital in 1999 that has now been demolished so there has been literally no for for you to talk about yourself repeatedly.

'I got rounded on'.

Nah, you just got a bad peer review for your boring novel about your labour 20 years ago.

And for 1 night it probably isn't a huge expense to pay for food. But if you are staying with a patient in hospital and paying a tenner a day for food and drink, which is easy to spend in the canteen or Costa, then I think that is unreasonable

I know mums who have been living at the hospital for more than a YEAR!
Unable to work, still paying for cafeteria food or packet sandwiches.

Get over yourself.

Nah, you just got a bad peer review for your boring novel about your labour 20 years ago.

Maybe that's because my labour of 20 years ago (and my pregnancy of 25 years ago) still impact me today? Maybe the damage that my heart suffered 20 years ago is now sparking a whole new round of treatment today.

Maybe I haven't "got over" my boring pregnancies and births, no. Maybe lots of other people don't get over traumatic events in their lives either, even many years later. Do you find them boring too when they post on here?

If my posts are all so boring and everyone has far more interesting points to make about the op what is stopping them? Stop commenting on my posts and piling on to tell me how boring and unreasonable I am and post your own scintillating commentaries.

BettyDuMonde

And that is exactly what I am saying isn't right. Parents in those circumstances should be fed by the hospital. It isn't right that is happening.

Maybe I haven't "got over" my boring pregnancies and births, no. Maybe lots of other people don't get over traumatic events in their lives either, even many years later. Do you find them boring too when they post on here

Your birth has literally nothing to do with this though. Some of us have had traumatic births, again, that simply proves how pathetic it is for a man to be sad he didnt get a fucking cup of tea.

Seek therapy, then ChristmasMouse - no need to splurge it all over this thread, and then accuse us of hating men just because we don't think midwives should be getting the men their tea, and that your DH is quite capable of sorting his own food.

FFS, Mouse, no one can surely be so self-absorbed they me-rail entire threads to discuss ad nauseum their personal experiences? Start your own thread about your pregnancies then. PLENTY of us have had trauma in our lives, get some help rather than constantly merailing threads.

Yep. I have done thanks.

And I am not making accusations of man hating based on your responses to me but based on the derision with which you refer to men (when actually it is only 1 man, as referenced in the OP).

Truth is, any birth partner, male or female, could just as easily have said the same and probably does.

A PP says her husband didn't get tea yet her sister did. Posters supported this because the midwife was clearly showing how entitled men are by doing this????

Another poster who works on a ward saying it is common for visitors to rock up and ask for tea - so only male visitors then obviously???

"Truth is, any birth partner, male or female, could just as easily have said the same and probably does."

Let's look at the stories of the dads showing male entitlement on maternity wards, when they are not the patient.

Like, taking the bed, and putting mum in the chair.

Like, eating the mum's meals.

Like, demanding sex.

Like, leering at breastfeeding mothers.

How many women birth support partners have done those things, do you think?

little I’m sorry to say it on yet another thread but you’re embarrassing yourself again
Maybe stay off the feminism boards for a while, do a bit of research until you actually understand what it’s here for.

HalfBloodPrincess

Oh I get what it's here for.

Once upon a time a poster insisted that her partner stay with her from the start of induction to the end of labour. Just guessing here, but possibly against medical advice.

The consequences of these choices made by alleged adults, were that the male partner lived off coke and kit-kats for 5 days. Even though other reasonable options were available.

Because of this Nye Bevan needs to be dug up again to re-establish the NHS properly. Ensuring that visitors are given the same priority as patients.

I use to live off coffee, fags and ramen noodle. What do I win?

Why do threads about men's behaviour in maternity always bring out the extremes - it's like on the ones where people don't want blokes staying overnight and posters come on to say "my arms would have fallen off and I'd have literally exploded if my husband wasn't there" - yet if you somehow became a single mum during pregnancy you'd be coping just fine 🤷‍♀️

When women are still dying in labour I really can't spare the time to thing about the poor wee lambs who don't get a cup of tea made for them or meals brought round on a trolley.

'I am not arguing for visitors meals on every ward. Certainly vending machines, or facilities to make a drink on labour ward.'

No point arguing to us, argue to the hospital in question.

Not sure why you want vending machines though, as you stated disaffection with the trolley that came round to the room you and DH were in and sold exactly the sort of food you get in a vending machine.

This thread is bizarre.

Derail tadtic.

Tastic rather!

If dads really feel so overlooked,underfed and neglected and what not they could campaign for better facilities,vending machines or whatever. However,they are not.. either because it's not really an issue or because they can't be arsed. It's not our jobs to give them what they want(or the midwives').

@YourSarcasmIsDripping why actually bother their arse to do something when they can just push their weight around instead!

Just guessing here, but possibly against medical advice.
Just guessing wrong then aren't you? They were full on encouraging anything that didn't push my blood pressure even higher than it already was.

Not sure why you want vending machines though, as you stated disaffection with the trolley that came round to the room you and DH were in and sold exactly the sort of food you get in a vending machine.
And as I have already stated - wouldn't have helped in our case but would help in lots of other cases, including making midwives lives easier not having to keep buzzing birth partners in whenever they leave to get food or drink (or have a cigarette which is another point altogether)

I do think that the NHS should consider relatives/visitors that are in the hospital for extended periods of time for whatever the reason.

Every hospital I've been to does this. In the last year I'd been a visitor in 3 different hospitals and in every one there was a coffee shop where you could get food or drink, and a small newsagent. If you can't afford to buy meals there you bring your own from home.

If what you actually mean is that the NHS should provide food and drink for visitors then I really strongly disagree. It is there to provide for patients and that's it. I don't think we should be paying more tax to feed hospital visitors. Better funding schools, ditching universal credit, more nurses and midwives, more social housing, increasing police numbers, youth centres etc sure. But food for hospital visitors?! Nah, that's way down the priority list.