How to get school to back off.

[mouseymummy]

My 14yo dd is struggling to figure out where she fits in at the moment, she's more of a "tomboy" but will happily put on a playsuit and leggings etc etc.... You know. Usual stuff kids go through as they try to figure out what they like and suits them.

However, she's been hanging around with a girl who wants to transition, her parents are very vocal about it all and buying her a binder and demanding her school etc refer to her as her "true name" as well as other things.

I've explained to my dd that you can be a woman and wear jeans and a flannel shirt, get your hair cut short etc... I'm always wearing jeans and tees. I wear "work boot" style boots as they're comfy and I have a condition that causes my joints to be loose so they're practical too. I've explained that you can be whoever you want to be. She's just not understanding how you can be just yourself. She's very much falling into stereotypes and saying how I dress dd6 in dresses etc... Thus is what she chose when getting dressed that morning, she had jeans on the day before.

School is not helping this.

They've told me that I'm "damaging her" by refusing to take her to the doctors and persueing a "transition" she's 14! I'm seriously waiting for a phone call to social services for not taking her to the doctor as its apparently "emotional abuse" ffs.

Ive ok'd her getting her hair cut short and we went shopping a couple of weeks ago for her to get some clothes she felt comfortable in, she chose leggings, a couple of pairs of jeans, a hoodie and a couple of slogan tees from the mens section in primark (they have a lot better slogan style tees than the women's section)

She's asked for a binder and I've refused. This has all started since school told her she could (her exact quote) "become a proper boy and do all the boy stuff" I asked her what is "boy stuff" she had no answer.

Schools safeguarding team (yes, really) rang me to tell me that they will be referring to her as her "boy name" and when I call up I will have to say I'm the parent of said boy. When I questioned this and asked if they had found anyone else with parental responsibility to OK this as I hadn't (they don't have her dad's number as we're not together and he works away so wouldn't be able to collect her in an emergency) they responded with no but this is what they do when a kid comes and "officially self identifies".

OK, if my kid decides when she's older to crack on n transition, fine, I'll support and be there.

But at 14???? I refuse to be part of it until she is better prepared in life and actually understand what the processes entails etc.

What can I do here??

Just as an update. Had the meeting today with the head teacher, head of "safeguarding" and my dds head of year.

My ex hit them with a tonne of stuff, like the whole "leader of mermaids" thing (don't want to get banned or this deleted for bringing it up but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean) the head had no idea 🤦‍♀️ he was swiftly told to look it up, I also brought up the fact that someone from mermaids had recently taken someone to court for being transphobic, when the person in question was trans themselves. Even the safeguarding lead looked shocked at that one.

We discussed my dd and how I was furious they were pushing a completely fake narrative on her, that she can fully transition and still be able to have babies etc, how they wanted her to start binding etc and how my dd has seen the risks for herself. How the school are potentially damaging other children with this ridiculous, dangerous and false version of how it is to be in the lgbt community and if they're pushing this on other vulnerable kids, how many will believe they're trans and start the potentially irreversible process.

My ex actually said to the head that if she (dd) can self identify as a boy at 14, does that mean he could self identify as a sloth, camel or even a fish? (note: he said he cane up with the 3 first animals he thought of and would probably not enjoy being a sloth as he hates trees... He's a strange strange man at times)

Me and my dd have spoken a few times over the weekend, she's upset as she was told on Monday that she can't attend the lgbt room at lunch any more, this has been rectified today. Apparently my views are transphobic and because she has those views at home, she could be "counter productive to the issues". Needless to say, I lost my shit. I'm not in anyway transphobic, I simply have a healthy grasp of science and don't want a CHILD to make an Adult decision.

Anyway... School have agreed to stop with the pushing of trans agendas on all kids and have agreed to research and "rethink" their affiliation with mermaids, what they don't realise is, there's going to be quiet a few angry emails and calls next week as I may have made this affiliation a bit more public than it was before and the mums I've told aren't happy about it. At all.

My exs wife has also gone to the head of her school and they're cancelling any mermaids related involvement too. And are going to be fully updating any policies regarding to trans pupils.

This has been ridiculously stressful and hard but we did it! Sort of lol!

We are certainly getting there!

Thank you so much for your support, for the links and your help. Me, dds dad and his wife really appreciate it!

As I'm typing this, I'm paid in bed with my youngest, I'm probably going to fall asleep so I will check in in the morning!

mousey you absolute star - you and your ex, and ex's wife! Well done all of you. (And thank goodness it sounds like some of what you've said is also giving your DD pause for thought.)

Brilliant that you and your family have fought this cult where it really matters. Well done. We know it is not easy and there will be be a Counter reaction, but by sticking to the truth, you have really done your best for not only your daughter but for many others too. Now you could write the handbook!

I hope that the schools don't let you down. Mermaids are going to get one hell of a backlash as this unfolds further I'm sure.

It's amazing that schools have not checked who they are involved with properly and are taking this shit at face value. The militant individuals involved with Mermaids need a proper investigation and it can't happen soon enough.

It's all about 'trans away the gay' and as soon as you realise that the more shocking it becomes.

I saw this today

JCW @ JChotard
New research —- female LGBTQ youth identify as Trans and Nonbinary at a rate of 9:1 over males, 80% of male LGBT youth identify as “gay” vs 18% of females as lesbian....so what is going on with girls.... nothing to see here - move along. @thehomoarchy

Link to research paper available from wiley online library

I have not looked at the quality of this particular research paper, but this looks deeply concerning and suggests there is really something not right going on.

Round of applause, that was a brilliant update and I was cheering all the way through

The Gendered Brain might be a good read for school and dc since you are stuck with educating the lot of them, well done.

mouseymummy - that's a great update but how shocking that (presumably) an adult in the school has told your daughter that you are transphobic! Do you know who it was ? Will there be any consequences for that adult for having said such an appalling thing to your child?

This ideology is so bloody dangerous as it encourages individual adults to undermine good safeguarding /pastoral care in schools. Things like:

Being politically neutral
Working with parents and never criticising them to their children
Never keeping secrets
Not allowing political groups / lobby groups access to your children to groom them.
Keeping professional boundaries clear.
Prioritise safeguarding over everything else.

All of these being undermined by trans lobby groups in schools

Well done mouseymummy!

Totally agree with your post truthisarevolutionaryact

That adult should be the subject of a formal complaint.

she was told on Monday that she can't attend the lgbt room at lunch any more, this has been rectified today. Apparently my views are transphobic and because she has those views at home, she could be "counter productive to the issues"

What. The. Fuck. Who on earth is running a "support" group for LGBT kids that would say something like that to a child?!?! And someone who claims to be an educational professional???!?!? Surely by their logic a child being exposed to "hate" at home is all the more reason for them to be at the support brainwashing group?! Surely the professionalism of such a "woke" teacher has to be called into question but sadly I think it's what some schools are actively looking for from staff so they can win all the "woke" awards from Stonewall.

Well done OP and good luck!

That's a great outcome mouseymummy.

One suggestion. Write a summary of the meeting and send it to the school so they have it on record. Write it in a dispassionate tone, the bare facts are good enough to show the school has stepped well outside their permitted scope. Send a copy to the governors. This might give the school pause for thought if they decide to pull a similar stunt in the future.

What a great outcome

Who said she couldn’t attend the club? That bulge sounds like communists China in maos era is kids spying on parents for ‘thought and ideology crimes’. If a group can’t/won’t hear opposing views then they are not a help or support group but a bubble of self justification.

Well done!
I echo Nauticant, dispassionately write it up, send it in and copy in the governors.

I was reading something the other day, I can't remember what, but it was the mother of a very young (9?) Trans identifying kid (bio male id as female). The mum says how the child talks about having babies when they are older. The mum didn't even challenge this with them. How big a lie? How sad and damaging.
I also find it odd that the discussion even came up, my kids never expressed as desire to have children when they little kids themselves.

I'm really glad you told your daughter the truth. This whole thing is batshit sometimes.

Well done OP! Thank you for fighting for your daughter and also other vulnerable children.

Well done op. 👏

Mousy so far I've only read the first few posts and yours at 10pm ish last night. Just brilliantly bloody well done. These heads of departments and schools will talk to others and spread what you've told the. Now I need to read the intervening posts.

mouseymummy - congratulations from me too. Well done! When writing up events so far, it might be worth asking the school whether or not they have checked materials used in their trans policies are Working Together compliant (this is the statutory safeguarding guidance). I can pretty much guarantee that a) they haven't and b) the material will go against Working Together in multiple instances. This is particularly important in your case because it covers information sharing. Your invoking it should signal a ruddy great flag that you know what you're about.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/779401/Working_Together_to_Safeguard-Children.pdf

I agree with all the great advice here.

i may (you know your dd better than anyone on here) talk to her about sex. About have fab sex can be and that it is equally good for men or women with men or women but the one group of people who struggle are those damaged by puberty blockers.

Oh and I'm not trans or lesbian but I do wear Dr Marten's boots, have a motorbike licence, never wear make up, used to do martial arts, my favorite toy was an electronics kit I got when I was 9.

So what is the 'boy stuff'? Peeing while standing up?

I have already made a formal complaint against the "teacher" that banned my kid from the lgbt room, I told them that I am in no way transphobic, just happen to know science-y shit and know that you can't have kids if you have a hysterectomy... Or pump your body full of testosterone... You know, science. 🤦‍♀️

I recorded the meeting so I'm going to spend this next week going through all the relevant points and writing them down, then send copies to the school, teachers in question, head teacher and governors. Recorded delivery too so they can't claim to have not received them.

Shes in her final years but I'm going to make sure they drop all association with mermaids. Ffs, you'd have thought they would have done research before signing up with them????

They are polished and very eager (not the right work but you know what I mean - emphatic and wide eyed). I am sure they have are actual tears in their eyes as they discuss how their children are ‘born again’ and everything is just peachy thanks to surgery and a lifetime of medications.

mouseymummy well done!

feminist-institute.org/ - this is new and may be if interest...

Actually Mousey I am not surprised the school didn't look into this all before getting on board with it. Teachers are so stretched, huge workload, so they'll be glad when some ready-made package comes along. And if there's a teacher who is TA-minded, well - home and dry.

Btw your user name doesn't seem to reflect much of your personality. Anything but mousey.

Well done, OP. The mouse 🐭 that roared! 🦁