How to get school to back off.

[mouseymummy]

My 14yo dd is struggling to figure out where she fits in at the moment, she's more of a "tomboy" but will happily put on a playsuit and leggings etc etc.... You know. Usual stuff kids go through as they try to figure out what they like and suits them.

However, she's been hanging around with a girl who wants to transition, her parents are very vocal about it all and buying her a binder and demanding her school etc refer to her as her "true name" as well as other things.

I've explained to my dd that you can be a woman and wear jeans and a flannel shirt, get your hair cut short etc... I'm always wearing jeans and tees. I wear "work boot" style boots as they're comfy and I have a condition that causes my joints to be loose so they're practical too. I've explained that you can be whoever you want to be. She's just not understanding how you can be just yourself. She's very much falling into stereotypes and saying how I dress dd6 in dresses etc... Thus is what she chose when getting dressed that morning, she had jeans on the day before.

School is not helping this.

They've told me that I'm "damaging her" by refusing to take her to the doctors and persueing a "transition" she's 14! I'm seriously waiting for a phone call to social services for not taking her to the doctor as its apparently "emotional abuse" ffs.

Ive ok'd her getting her hair cut short and we went shopping a couple of weeks ago for her to get some clothes she felt comfortable in, she chose leggings, a couple of pairs of jeans, a hoodie and a couple of slogan tees from the mens section in primark (they have a lot better slogan style tees than the women's section)

She's asked for a binder and I've refused. This has all started since school told her she could (her exact quote) "become a proper boy and do all the boy stuff" I asked her what is "boy stuff" she had no answer.

Schools safeguarding team (yes, really) rang me to tell me that they will be referring to her as her "boy name" and when I call up I will have to say I'm the parent of said boy. When I questioned this and asked if they had found anyone else with parental responsibility to OK this as I hadn't (they don't have her dad's number as we're not together and he works away so wouldn't be able to collect her in an emergency) they responded with no but this is what they do when a kid comes and "officially self identifies".

OK, if my kid decides when she's older to crack on n transition, fine, I'll support and be there.

But at 14???? I refuse to be part of it until she is better prepared in life and actually understand what the processes entails etc.

What can I do here??

"Something had changed in society to enable this success."

I'm not sure. As that series of article explains it was more than Lego had built these very masculine toys - instead of a box of bricks or whatever, it was all star destroyers, and fully working V8 engines, and such like.

As far as the topics they were doing go, I don't think women & girls have ever been greatly represented in those pursuing certain pursuits, such as model railways, sci fi, fantasy monsters, etc.

So it wasn't that these were necessarily marketed to boys but rather that everyone knew that's who they were for, without saying it, it was implicit.

Whereas with the 'girls' stuff they are saying 'this is only for girls'

I think it's more a case of the girls stuff being 'boy-exclusionary' than vice versa.

As a kid I was obsessed with comics for girls (Bunty, Diana, Debbie, Mandy, Judy) and I still have a sizeable collection of the annuals (Misty is my favourite. It’s a mild-horror comic, essentially).

What is interesting, looking at them through my middle aged lens, is how they are all about girls doing things.
Yes, most of the girls are conventionally attractive, in a neutral kind of way and occasionally, a character is talked about as beautiful (but they all look pretty similar, the biggest variations are in the artist’s styles) but none of them frame being attractive as something to aim for, it’s just a plot device. Instead, it’s all about girls developing talents, or coping with crappy situations, or getting one up on a brother.

These were resolutely aimed at girls, but the narratives were expansive, rather than limiting. It didn’t matter that my parents couldn’t afford to send me horse riding or gymnastics, because I learned what the girls who did get to go learned through proxy. I also learned a lot about what it was like to be a scullery made in Victorian England

What are girls of a similar age doing now? Watching adults unbox kids toys on YouTube? I dunno.
Worth thinking about though.

*maid

Agree Betty. I had my older cousins’ annuals from the 50s, full of girls doing interesting stuff.

Don't get me started on Lego....

Lego was originally developed for architects to make wee models with.

I just bet Lego decided they could sell more Lego with legofriends - that’s what I mean, proliferation of options means more pandering to what they think a certain audience wants.

Those YouTube unboxings should be banned - awful unregulated advertising

Yes, Betty - I remember Bunty being full of stories about schoolgirls solving mysteries, and the girl who wanted to be an Olympic swimmer against the odds, and the school hockey team going for the cup.

And lego - always advertised with a boy-girl pair in typical gender neutral 70s kids' clothing of cord trousers and a jumper.

Also sexism in the 70s and 80s was in your face and to be fought against. It was all about men telling women what they couldn't do, and women pushing back saying "yes, we can." Strangely scifi author John Wyndham was very prescient about this in Trouble with Lichen - he has a brilliant schoolgirl and her teacher talking about the change in tactics from "coercion to diddle: instead of telling a woman she has to be a housewife, you invite her to be a home maker..."

archery2, there was a solicitor at Ben Hoare Bell who was called Lui Asquith.

Lui Asquith left Ben Hoare Bell last year to beome the Legal Caseworker at Mermaids.

girls doing things Yes! Rosemary Auchmuty is a huge fan of old girls' school stories - Chalet School and so on - as well, of course, as being a GC supporter. She has two good books about the subject (the school stories) and mentions just this point.

You need to contact Transgender Trend, who are the only people who advise a watchful waiting approach, in line I should say with the NHS Tavistock Clinic guidelines. There has been much in the news about the resignations and dissent amongst staff at the Tavistock for their administering of experimental puberty blockers on children as young as your child, without publishing the study upon which this is done. Puberty blockers are NOT recommened by the manufactuers for gender dysphoria nor are they okayed by NICE... The schools are in breach of their remit by affirming your child, when we know that many children if given room and kindly acceptance but NOT affirmation will desist and grow up to accept the bodies they were born with. Transgender Trend will send out to you or to your school a resource pack that gives CORRECT information about the law, and gives scientific evidence based information.

The most relevant article right now to show your school is about the scandal of prescribing puberty blockers to children, this is what shcools are colluding with by affirming children in this magical thinking. This scandal will blow, AND I would put pressure upon your school to remind them that they will be in the firing line of lawsuits, since it is their advice and collusion which may set your child upon an irreversible path of bodily and mental harm. here is that article: www.transgendertrend.com/tavistock-experiment-puberty-blockers/

and here is a link to transgender trend.
www.transgendertrend.com/

LAWSUITS... CAMPAIGNS....There are a number of organisations mobilising to bring a or several lawsuits against either schools or against the government on this issue. There are also many private groups campaigning to push back on the toxic trans ideology that has no place in our schools. Please contact me if you are interested in joining this campaign.

I would also add that you would do well, as others have advised to make full notes and copies of all communications with your school, in fact I would encourage you to get email evidence of all that you have spoken about here. Find out also whose packs they are using ? Is it Allsorts? Likely to be so, but you could also write to your schools governors with your concerns.

PIQUE RESLIENCE PROJECT.....Here is a very recently launched detransitioner's own stories site, might be very helpful for your child to see.
www.piqueresproject.com/?fbclid=IwAR2PthQHa_Y_epMrDFkeCs7lecvtzsimN8pTYHku6slW7R0jCdnikNP468w

They know it’s dressing up right? I blame Harry Potter myself... and unicorns.

Yes, Betty - I remember Bunty being full of stories about schoolgirls solving mysteries, and the girl who wanted to be an Olympic swimmer against the odds, and the school hockey team going for the cup.

Oh, my. I loved Bunty!

By the way, for anyone with daughters looking for similar now - the Murder Most Unladylike series by Robin Stevens is a set of fab books. Kind of a cross between those Bunty stories, Mallory Towers, and Agatha Christie.

I learned to read using my brothers' Eagle comics, and always enjoyed Superman and Green Lantern. I also loved Bunty and Judy, am I male or female? What a conundrum.

You might find this piece useful - there's another thread about it. It's written by a transman urging caution, and this re dysphoria reminded me of your situation, OP:
*
The determination of whether someone has this condition requires a qualified mental health professional who specializes in the field. Your kids’ teacher and your own Facebook friends don’t qualify.*

quillette.com/2019/03/07/i-have-gender-dysphoria-but-your-trans-identified-child-may-not/

And not to cod science lobby groups like Mermaids.

Not sure if they still do, but the NHS used to direct anyone ;questioning' their gender towards Mermaids. I would hope that would have stopped after the first court case, but it wouldn't surprise me if it still goes on. It makes the shite Mermaids say seem more credible, when the NHS appears to think of them as 'professionals who know what they are talking about'..rather than a lobby group.

By the way, for anyone with daughters looking for similar now - the Murder Most Unladylike series by Robin Stevens is a set of fab books. Kind of a cross between those Bunty stories, Mallory Towers, and Agatha Christie.

Be aware the author retweets Mermaids - most notably when the recent investigation over lottery funding was happening. The most recent book has the main character, at 15, come out as lesbian (obviously not wrong in and of itself but I am automatically suspicious of uncritical support of Mermaids). We have taken the decision not to stock any more of this series in our primary school as the characters are facing challenges more appropriate for older children. It's sad because I genuinely like the books up to this point but we won't endorse thoughtless wokery.

I can suggest loads of other age-appropriate mysteries and fantastic female characters for the 8-13 crowd if anyone wants them, it's something I work very hard to promote. Ditto male characters who are not action heroes

SilentCrow I would love some recommendations for nearly 14 yo DD. She loved the Percy Jackson series

Sure - but might be best to start a new thread or msg me, I don't want to derail (I was just SO disappointed in that author, who is also going wholeheartedly along with destroying women's sport).

I think we have had a thread at some point on books for kids & teens that don't peddle this nonsense, but maybe we need a fresh one. I know Transgender Trend have been working on a list and so have Gender Charter (I know, regrettable name, but definitely about breaking down stereotypes).

Wishing you and your dd all the best, you are great. Echo other's recommendations of Transgender Trend. I have a dd14 on the autistic spectrum who last year was raving about Jazz Jennings.... it has been a massive eye opener. I've had many chats with her about the fact that she can dress, be, do whatever she wants as a female.