Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

Never any

GerryblewuptheER

What is the middle ground then?

A 13 year old boy makes it clear that he wants to live as a woman. Where is the middle ground here?

He can wear and play with whatever he wants. Call himself annabell or whatever he wants

But he changes , toilets, etc. Eityer in unisex or boys facilities.

Whilst undergoing therapy.

A 13 year old boy makes it clear that he wants to live as a woman. Where is the middle ground here?

Exactly, there isn't one, surely?

GlitterStick

I think that is the long and the short of it on here.

I think that is the long and the short of it on here

Seems like it

So anorexic are fat? Dysmorphic people really are ugly, and steph-on-knee really is 6?

GerryblewuptheER

And the therapy is for what reason?

To perhaps ascertain why they feel the way they do. Why they want to be something they aren't.

The fact that there has been a 4000 percent increase in girls identifying as boys should make people want to find out what is making girls as young as 13 have their breasts removed surely?

When talking about 13 yr olds there has to be space for them to reflect and retreat in time if they change their mind without them losing face or becoming a pariah to to the cause.

I would say the the same applies for anyone under about 25 (the point brain maturity is generally reached). The insistence that individuals adhere to a very prescriptive ideology is IMO harmful and detrimental to long term well being.

You see, I guess this boils down to how you view it doesn't it?

People with eating disorders, if they are lucky, are treated in an attempt to help them over come it.

People with body dysmorphia, in lots of cases, have cosmetic surgery in order to align their body with how they feel it should look. How many people have you heard of receiving counselling instead of breast implants, botox, lip fillers, a nose job?

The "treatment" that we have so far used for gender dysphoria is to offer medical and surgical ways for the person to change their bodies. We don't use some kind of conversion therapy do we?

Except it is conversion therapy. For gay people .

But whilst they are having counselling to determine why they feel this way, or until they reach 25!!!!! they still have to live, work, get an education, have friends in this world.

How do you propose they do that whilst living a kind of half life? Dressing as a girl whilst being told constantly that they are a boy?

And what adults do to their bodies is up to them

But these are children being sterilised, kept mentally less mature to their peers, and having irreversible treatments..

That's not right.

But they are . Sex is not a feeling inside sometimes head.

Except it is conversion therapy. For gay people

Only if you place that subjective judgement on it. How do you know that?

If someone tells you that they are trans gender are you in any position to tell them they aren't, they are in fact gay?

How many people have you heard of receiving counselling instead of breast implants, botox, lip fillers, a nose job?

Tbh I think that is something that should be standard for any invasive cosmetic procedures. It's far too common for all kinds of people to use it as a band aid for underlying issues.

They are them
They like what they like and that's ok.

But humans can't change sex.

So in your view how does a teen, adolescent, young adult live them?

A female has to walk around with 38DD breasts whilst trying to present as a man?

OvaHere

Where are the campaigns for that then?

An adult can do what they want to their own body as I said.

A teenagers brain hasn't fully developed and drugs that will stunt their growth physically and mentally and permanently stabilise them , well one would hope they have extensive therapy to help with that decision.

No reason they can't wear what they want

Ae certainly shouldn't have adults going into schools telling kids they are a boy fir liking trains.

Armed with jelly babies telling them.to pick.between gi Joe and barbie

Why has gender now become such a political flash point? It has become impossible to have a critical discussion about it. Critical thinking is being confused with criticism, and criticism is being confused with attacking people. Maybe the “shadow” of liberalism is repression: we are not allowed to think, let alone speak, critically. Jung would say that some things come out of the collective unconscious, manifest, then subside again. In the meantime, we need to be circumspect with how we allow these manifestations to affect vulnerable individuals, and we need to allow people to talk, and to question."