Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

Were you to post different views I am quite sure that they would tell you that you are wrong, rather than accept your views as valid.

All views are 'valid'. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - it's called free speech. We are not a hive mind. Disagreeing with someone isn't the same as saying they're wrong, just that our opinions differ. Debate is good - listen to the other side, discuss, refine arguments, change minds...

I meant actually see it in real life because their dorm mate wears one.

If a child is self-harming in this way, she should not be encouraged to do so in school. The school should ban binders.

OldCrone

Here is the paragraph in full

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

They are clearly separating the child as they will use the unisex toilet, including to change in. They are making a distinction between this child and biological females. I don't see that's proof that the child is being lied to about being able to change sex.

Glitter. Honestly you don't seem to be able to consider the points made to you, you are just disgusted that they are being made. So telling me I won't admit that I am disgusting is bizzare from someone absolutely incapable of considering any different views to their own. I've considered the likely outcomes of facilitating this delusion, it's resulting in more and more cases of regret and detransition, with young women left damaged and infertile. That's disgusting, not women talking about it. I chose not to engage in the delusion. You want to do that so you carry on. But stop calling people who don't share your support for these actions disgusting. You are on very shaky ground.

But why are they moving at all?

Why can't they present how they want with the boys ?

I wouldn't want to be a boy going back to the boys house after the school made a big deal about moving them to be with the girls?

Where is this kids "out"

But why are they moving at all?

Why can't they present how they want with the boys ?
I don't know. Maybe they are being bullied? The school doesn't sound particularly progressive does it? Maybe they aren't prepared to entertain a child wearing dresses and with long hair living in the boys house? Who knows?

All views are 'valid'. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - it's called free speech

Except on here.

Yet people are frothing about the risks of contagion (from a trans girl) on one hand whilst advocating that a trans boy be kept with the girls, sharing rooms etc on the other hand?

'Frothing', really? The contagion amongst girls (who seem more vulnerable to this stuff), is likely to come from seeing a female classmate 'accepted' as a boy.

The problem with the transgirl is different. This is grooming girls to accept males as girls/women if the male-bodied person says so. This leaves them vulnerable to assault by sexual predators generally (nothing to do with the trans child in school), as well as grooming them to accept male-bodied people competing against them in sports.

Then tackling the bullying is the way to go surely?

Not confirming the bullies r right by moving them in with the girls.

How does that help?

Frothing', really? The contagion amongst girls (who seem more vulnerable to this stuff), is likely to come from seeing a female classmate 'accepted' as a boy.

If this is the case why are so many posters advocating for a trans boy to share a dormitory with the girls "because it's important to get the support of their friends"? Seems quite a dilemma to me.

They are making a distinction between this child and biological females. I don't see that's proof that the child is being lied to about being able to change sex.

As I already said, I was replying to a post about children being lied to in general, not just in this school.

What's your opinion on the GIRES penguins that I linked to?

Except on here.

You're allowed your opinion, Weetabix. I don't have to agree with you, though.

Weetabix, if the transboy is sharing a dorm with the girls, she's not being 'accepted as a boy' - she's being accepted as a girl who likes to present in a conventionally masculine way, or a girl who likes to use a boy's name or a girl who 'identifies as a boy'. The school would be acknowledging that she can't change sex.

But stop calling people who don't share your support for these actions disgusting.

I'm not, I said some of the comments are disgusting - which they are, such as the "brave and stunning sneer at a CHILD and just seem determined to get a jibe in towards transpeople in general but it gets glossed over and ignored if questioned - and pages of facts or something completely different to what I actually said is reeled off to deflect instead.

Weetabix, you have invented this conflict. No one is frothing about your imaginary problem but you.

Then tackling the bullying is the way to go surely?

With you there. Though I can't really see that a school intent on saying that girls are princesses and using James Bond as teaching material is really going to be that successful in challenging bullying based on gender stereotypes.

Once again. It's the adults around them that treat them with all the "brave and stunning" and special treatment. Lol around, see how many unqualified and frankly useless liabilities in the public eye have been promoted way beyond their capabilities, merely for being trans

What do you mean by "they say". It sounds as if you think it's just conjecture.

I meant they say as in reference to the posters who think it's a reason the child shouldn't be allowed even in the school play unless it's by pre-approved roles they think the child can have.
Even though the reason for them not having those parts just seems another reason to exclude as it's not safeguarding concerns there is it.

Weetabix, you have invented this conflict. No one is frothing about your imaginary problem but you.

Really? So all the posts instructing the OP to ask the school what they intend to do about preventing contagion/ROGD are imaginary then are they?

And in a world where both parents work , kids come home to empty houses, and life sucks if you don't fit in, I certainly don't blame them enjoying being the centre of attention and an entire school being made to bend to your feelings.

It's not real though is it. Outside the bubble the same problems remain. This special treatment doesn't help them

the child shouldn't be allowed even in the school play unless it's by pre-approved roles they think the child can have.

This is already the case for all children at the school. Boys are only allowed to play male roles and girls are only allowed to play female roles.

Weetabix, if the transboy is sharing a dorm with the girls, she's not being 'accepted as a boy' - she's being accepted as a girl who likes to present in a conventionally masculine way, or a girl who likes to use a boy's name or a girl who 'identifies as a boy'. The school would be acknowledging that she can't change sex.

I am not sure that makes too much of a difference tbh. If other girls are going to be encouraged to trans when they might not have otherwise I'm thinking it's more likely going to be based on what they talk about, their views, the camaraderie that they share rather than observing that the trans boy is a girl because of where the school has decided to place them.

Where is this kids "out"

When it comes to safeguarding I'm becoming convinced that this is one of the key questions. And why those pushing the ideology and having a strong aversion to the concept of desistance (for example referring to it as a "myth") are acting against safeguarding.