Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

544 replies

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/02/2019 12:25

""It's not unexpected that [anal sex] would cause bleeding." Does that mean you should never put anything up your butt hole? No! It just means you need to take some extra precautions, like, say, a little thing called a shit-ton of lube"

"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon back there. And you want to make to the finish line without any bleeding or discomfort."

FFS

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/amp9230630/is-bleeding-after-anal-sex-normal/?__twitter_impression=true

OP posts:
LangCleg · 04/02/2019 16:13

WTAF is going on on this thread?!

AngryAttackKittens · 04/02/2019 16:15

I'm oddly reminded of the conversation I had with my stroppy ex when he attempted to talk me into anal and I wasn't having it. Though in his defense he was 19 at the time. If he still reacted to things that way now that would be a bit sad.

FlyingOink · 04/02/2019 16:20

You're basically saying that all young men are pretty much wee perverts corrupted by porn and it must be shit to be a young woman.
Edited that for you.

LangCleg · 04/02/2019 16:32

The idea that previous generations of men were giving women a much better time than the current generation is managing seems to have hit quite the nerve.

AngryAttackKittens · 04/02/2019 16:40

It certainly does. Shame that it's true, eh?

Datun · 04/02/2019 18:24

The idea that previous generations of men were giving women a much better time than the current generation is managing seems to have hit quite the nerve.

As far as anecdata goes, I'm sure this is probably correct.

I remember being utterly shocked when I found out girls were being pressured for blowjobs at parties.

I spoke to a 14 year old and 15-year-old at a family party who both confirmed that they are under pressure to have anal sex, before they've had any sex at all.

Arguing for articles like this doesn't make any sense, to me. Some people like to piss on each other, I'm not interested in seeing a how-to guide in Cosmo, or Teen Vogue, thanks.

How people can't see this as normalisation and endorsement of niche sexual practices that most women don't want to perform, is beyond me.

ToeToToe · 04/02/2019 19:37

"The idea that previous generations of men were giving women a much better time than the current generation is managing seems to have hit quite the nerve."

"As far as anecdata goes, I'm sure this is probably correct."

Me also.

I was at university in the 90s. Me & my friends were talking about orgasms, positions, how long, how many times, oral etc.

We were not talking about navigating demands for anal sex and choking. Not ever.

Porn has absolutely driven this - and I agree with pp (pages ago - before Elon's mystifying arguments today) that a lot of (older) people have no idea just how easily accessible and extreme online porn is. Porn that includes words such as "abuse" - men are literally being influenced from their teens to be aroused by the abuse of women. So of course it's not about the enjoyment of the woman anymore.

JazzyBBG · 04/02/2019 19:40

There are some very odd posts on here.

I am however grateful to find a general distaste for anal in a culture where it is being normalised. I was beginning to think I was the only one not at it!

Beansandcoffee · 04/02/2019 19:54

I have a 16 year old son. We have talked about porn and consent many times. Would you talk to your son about anal sex and girls or is that just too much for a mother to do? My parents never spoke to me about sex except not to get pregnant so I have no idea.

AngryAttackKittens · 04/02/2019 20:13

I think a general "this is something most girls don't like, even if porn tells you otherwise, so don't assume they'll want to" wouldn't go amiss. Plus nothing will make it seem less sexy to him than having a conversation about it with his mum.

LangCleg · 04/02/2019 20:52

I have a 16 year old son. We have talked about porn and consent many times. Would you talk to your son about anal sex and girls or is that just too much for a mother to do?

Discuss this thread with your DH (prime him first so he's ready to say the right things!) at the dinner table. Or, if no DH, with another adult, friend, relative, whatever, when DS is in the room.

Better than having A Talk.

BlindYeo · 04/02/2019 21:54

Thanks 65 and the other poster (sorry forgetting your username) for answering my question about a different generation's viewpoint.

Agree Jazzy it's helpful to hear others speaking out about something that's being normalised left right and centre. That's why this board is so valuable.

Hedwigsradio · 05/02/2019 06:38

I have only had 2 sexual partners so not sure if I'm qualified to talk on here but between the two there was a massive difference. My first was before the rise of online porn (well it was there but the internet was still very slow). I am no looker but can say he always seemed just happy to be having sex with me. We tried things we both wanted to do and it was mutually enjoyable.

My other partner who I was his first had grown up looking at and the watching porn online seemed so different. He pushed boundaries expected anal which I never wanted as I knew i didn't like it and was told "all women like it they just make out they dont". He viewed me saying no as a challenge as even if I wasn't in the mood he had the view women were always up for it and just like to play hard to get. I just felt like a checklist to him.

I'm not sure how much was porn led and how much was just him being an abusive rapey bastard but the rest of the time he was lovely. We had been friends for years and I never thought he would be that way. I know now I was stupid to put up with it and should have left along time ago and not had children with him. (He was physically repulsed about my post birth body too). The way he spoke during sex was very porn like and the idea of for play was just not a thing for him. I don't know just my experience but thought I'd put it out there.

Anyway I don't have that problem anymore as I've decided to live a life of celibacy but I do worry for my dd.

Hedwigsradio · 05/02/2019 06:42

Sorry for all the typos haven't had my coffee yet.

pachyderm · 05/02/2019 14:16

My parents (Catholic, married in the early 1970s) had a copy of The Joy of Sex hidden in their cupboard, most of my friends' parents did too- the more liberal ones had it on the bookshelf. We (the friends) used to giggle over it, the hairy hippie couple and the earnest description of positions. But it was basically sound in its promotion of sex that was supposed to be fun for everyone involved.

Imagine what it'd look like now if you compiled all the "kink" and those grim grooming pieces from Cosmo and Teen Vogue together. I can't imagine the beardy man choking or slapping his partner or expecting her to be perfectly bald and lubed up ready for anything he thought was a good idea. Joyful doesn't spring to mind at all.

Sheelala · 05/02/2019 14:26

It's a very scary thing all of this. I do hope the message that women do not enjoy this stuff will work. That is I hope that young men are getting off on the idea that women like it rather than the knowledge they don't.

PBo83 · 05/02/2019 14:35

@Sheelala - "I do hope the message that women do not enjoy this stuff will work", but some women do like it (confirmed by a number of threads in this post).

The message shouldn't be "women don't like anal" but rather a message of communication and mutual respect when it comes to all forms of sex.

Sheelala · 05/02/2019 14:45

Grace212

A lot of men who post these feminist messages are full of shit in my experience, I don't like it either.

I take it you are not married ? I agree it's a bit strange for women to dislike all men except their husband and their son. It's perfectly OK not to date men !!

LangCleg · 05/02/2019 14:46

My parents (Catholic, married in the early 1970s) had a copy of The Joy of Sex hidden in their cupboard, most of my friends' parents did too- the more liberal ones had it on the bookshelf. We (the friends) used to giggle over it, the hairy hippie couple and the earnest description of positions. But it was basically sound in its promotion of sex that was supposed to be fun for everyone involved.

Mine were atheist and bookshelfers!

You describe it exactly right.

As I said above: interesting, isn't it, the howls of fury at the very thought previous generations were having much better sex than what's on offer today?

BlindYeo · 05/02/2019 14:55

The Joy of Sex. What a good point. A bit before my time but yes how on earth does that compare with what's on the menu now? I haven't actually read it but perhaps it should be re-issued and handed out in PSHE with the gobsmackingly obvious advice for young men: try giving women pleasure not pain.

BlindYeo · 05/02/2019 15:00

The question I don't want to ask is: which type of sex do the majority of men actually prefer?

The kind where the woman enjoys it?
Or the kind when the woman is hurt and degraded?

Because there seems to be a huge market and demand for the latter which didn't spring up in a vaccuum. It's come from men's brains, hasn't it?

I can't spell vacuum. Vaccum. Vaacccuuum. Fuck it.

StarlightLady · 05/02/2019 15:04

Ah! But the Joy of Sex had a section on, you guessed it, anal. With a detailed description of how to!

It also spoke of the wonders of “hand and mouth work”.

Sheelala · 05/02/2019 15:07

Gee sorry everyone, new here also posted a message on the wrong thread above.

PBo83

I was talking in general about "extreme" stuff that is being normalised. If men enjoy it because the women appear to enjoy it then at least there is a positive there. If they enjoy it because the women is in obvious distress or pain then that is even more depressing. But agree about the general message.

BlindYeo · 05/02/2019 15:08

Well I just don't recall my female compatriots sighing wistfully in the past "you just can't get the chaps to do anal, can you? I'd really like some but they never suggest it. It would be fun, wouldn't it?"

otheractivities · 05/02/2019 15:56

The irony , the introduction of the pill was to liberate women
The result is young girls no longer have the 'excuse' not to be pressurised into sex
I once saw a programme presented by Anna Richardson , where she was in a school discussing sex with ( hopefully of age ) school kids , it soon became apparent that the boys were keen watchers of porn and had unrealistic expectations of women . The girls felt that had to be shaved as this is what the boys wanted as this is what they saw in the porn they watched .This is just a mild example of how girls / women still feel they have to keep the boy / man happy if they want to keep them
I know someone is going to come back and say they enjoy x,y or z yaddah yaddah yaddah

But we need to be teaching our daughters its ok to say no , its ok to be who you are and look how you want
We should also be teaching our sons that porn isnt real life ( nor should it be )