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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

945 replies

TinselAngel · 06/01/2019 12:47

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

You are not alone
It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

OP posts:

Report

Toomanytears · 10/08/2019 10:08

I KNOW this isn't my fault but I have no idea what our 'offical' reason for separating will be. If he embraces his trans-ness then it'll be obvious to all but if things stay as they are I'd rather not tell anyone. I would certainly rather the dc didn't find out.

Cadanita1 · 10/08/2019 11:21

Dear Too, I found that confiding in a few close friends helps, they may not understand but with me I had so much internal turmoil going on that it was killing me. People don't understand what they find alien to themselves but when they see the carnage perpetrated on innocents they do. If you do decide to confide, dont sugar coat it. NEVER NEVER NEVER feel that you have any guilt or shame to bare. We all on this page understand. Please dont ever let his wrong doings ever make you feel guilty of anything and please believe me love/lack of/or not loving enough does not come int it.. They are like projector missiles, waiting for their detonator to be activated but we are not the one pushing the button. We are the small innocent village it destroys.

I'm not going to misguide anyone, escape and the thought of it is scary but freedom is breathtaking!

Ebbandfl0w · 10/08/2019 12:24

Thanks TA, I'll take that kick. My brain knows its not my doing but I still worry about how I'm perceived. I'm working on that with my psych- I can't please everyone all the time and stay sane. 🤯

TheInebriati · 10/08/2019 12:28

I still worry about how I'm perceived.
Stop worrying about how it will make you look, there isn't a bad guy.
Chin up, and memorise the phrase 'we have both changed and are no longer compatible'.

ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 10/08/2019 12:30

The thing is - does if matter what people think? In my experience, even if it takes a while, the truth comes out. ExH's uni friends were initially cheerleaders but lately are challenging his BS. They can see how much he hates women and anyone who doesn't agree with everything he says

TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 13:35

I've just counted up the women who have shared a Trans Widow experience on this thread and it's 35! That's way more than I thought. There will be more on the first thread too but I've not counted that yet.

OP posts:

BigGreenOlives · 10/08/2019 13:40

I think I might need to start up a mother of trans thread, as someone who doesn’t believe a man can become a woman and has a child who thinks they are the opposite sex despite biology.

Good luck to all Trans Widows, may you find peace and support in real life as well as on here.

TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 13:50

I think I might need to start up a mother of trans thread,
There is one somewhere. I'll see if I can find it.

OP posts:

TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 14:02

I can't find it but I think it's linked on this thread somewhere if you look back.

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:11

Just popping on to say that apparently Woman and Home magazine ran an interview with a trans widow two months ago. I only just found out because i was flicking through the September issue in Tesco yesterday and there were a couple of responses to it on their letters page.

My magazine is Red so i had no idea Woman and Home had done this Article was called "i feel like a widow"

Just thought i would drop this in here in case anyone may wish to order a back issue.

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:12

article was in the July issue.

TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 20:24

Thanks Helena, we did know about the article. What did the responses say?

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:28

From my glance at the letters page one response was thank you for writing it and how and what the wife/partner feels gets sidelined and and the other was the opposite.

I cant help wondering how many responses they got altogether.

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 20:29

is the article discussed upthread.

TinselAngel · 10/08/2019 20:34

Yes it is.

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 10/08/2019 21:06

Found it and read it Thanks Tinsel and @hoteltango

Im not affected by this but am pleased the what the trans widows go through is starting to be acknowledged by MSM

It was brave of Woman and Home to print that. And the writer made some excellent points.

ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 12/08/2019 15:31

Who provides speech therapy for trans women? Do transmen also get it? I have two friends who are transmen. They sound exactly the same as they did before. However ExH sounds like Queen Victoria circa 1850.

TinselAngel · 12/08/2019 16:05

Maybe he's just got a Speech Therapist with a sense of humour.

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ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 12/08/2019 16:54

Weezol · 12/08/2019 18:56

ItsOn YouTube. It's a rabbit hole and a half, all gender sterotypes, valley girl and vocal fry.

TinselAngel · 12/08/2019 21:22

I think they get some speech therapy on the NHS.

OP posts:

shannonthrace · 14/08/2019 01:54

Thanks for the welcome, everyone!

@TinselAngel I only know of one online support group for trans spouses and there was a bit too much koolaid there for my taste.

@anomoony and @quinnmoveson Thank you! Those kinds of comments keep me going, keep me feeling like I'm doing the right thing.

@socialworker222
@imablackstarnotapopstar
@socialworker222
I use a pen name, so I don't want to take more than my share of credit for being brave. Obviously that's my face on the TED talk, though, so there's that.

My ex started publicly talking trash about me so I didn't really have the option to keep a low profile. In many ways, he emboldened me to get serious about the memoir (how ironic--inspiring me to speak out is really no way for him to maintain his public lie that it "isn't sexual").

As for retribution, I've lost friends from my ex's tirades, but not from anything I've done. I've gotten threats only from anonymous cowards. My ex still cyberstalks me and obsesses over me (Hi Jamie!) so he's probably a greater threat to me than strangers are.

35 trans widows here. Wow.

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TinselAngel · 14/08/2019 07:56

35 trans widows here. Wow

And that's only on this thread I've not counted up on the first thread.

Is the online support group that you know of, depend.org? (Who banned me after my introductory post?)

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WifeOfTiresias · 14/08/2019 13:18

Welcome @shannonthrace and thanks for speaking up for us all.

I am also guessing Depend, as there did seem to be a preponderance of cheerleaders allowing themselves to be pushed into frankly gross lifestyles to keep their OHs happy. I joined the group a while back but haven't participated for a long time. Haven't been banned yet but no doubt I would be if they knew I was on this thread

Weezol · 14/08/2019 17:08

'Depend' is a brand of incontinence protection in my world, so that's always what I think of when I see that site referenced.

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