Can things get worse? Yes they can. I'm so devastated right now I don't even know where to start. yes I've been quiet. I guess I thought there was nothing more to say and I'd made my peace with it all. I WAS SO WRONG. Apologies this will be long.
Early in the summer my husband (transwoman-wife) lost his job. As we all know mentally ill men who lose their jobs are always a risk. He has a good job background and a good career path so we had high hopes for him finding something els , and his cnonections allowed him to take on some contract work, still it was an anxious 2 months. Plus, he was around constantly for 2 months. No breaks for me.
Plus, my son was around constantly with school being out for the summer. For background my son is a 23 year old aspie. High functioning but some hygiene issues and a bit sullen, but I figured he was doing well - good grades in school, one semester to graduate, has a boyfriend (I don't mind him being gay.) But essentially between the two of them being here I spent the summer never getting to be alone at all.
Finally my spouse gets a job offer, a good one, but it's a bit of a long commute away. We talked about it and since no other job offers had come through we decided it would be a good move to take, in fact a dream job aside from the rough commute. He accepted the job and got a start state of another few weeks away which brings us to September.
A few days before the start of the job we went clothes shopping to buy some (women's) business casual clothing suitable for work. We were out all day and came home very tired. We were watching tv and my son came to sit and watch with us, which is a little odd since he usually decides to sit in his room and ignore us unless there is food on the table. After we get done watching tv and are getting ready to go to bed, he says, "I have something to tell you. I thought and thought about it for a while and meditated on it and I decided I'm trans." I was literally so stunned I didn't know what to say other than ask if he had told his boyfriend. He said he hadn't yet and then he went off into his room again.
We went to our bedroom to talk about it. We didn't really know what to make of it either. I mean, he gave us no information and didn't want to discuss it further. I went to ask him if he needed anything and he said no so I went back to talk some more. (FTR my spouse also thinks younger trans people have all gone crazy.) We decided to wait and see where this was heading and remain patient and calm before rushing to judgement.
Meanwhile spouse started job. Have I mentioned in addition to dysphoria spouse is a hypochondriac? I am convinced these are connected - both inability to be in touch with the body's symptoms. It is obvious to me spouse does not like the job, finds it stressful, or at least really hates commuting to work so much. Almost immediately spouse began manifesting horrible "I am going to die omg i may have to quit this job" symptoms like horrible varicose veins (barely visible) that "could turn into DVT!" (one of his biggest hypochondria bogeymen). He has spent a few hundred on new compression stockings to avoid death from commuting.
Then he developed a cough from post nasal drip due to allergies. You know, that thing half of all people have twice a year? No, he's dying. He has been to the doctor three times, missed 2 days of work and spent hundreds on prescriptions. Currently he is on antibiotics he got from going to an urgent care center and getting a dx of sinusitis which he showed me triumphantly when he came home because he has begun accusing me of "not being supportive enough". For his cough due to postnasal drip, which I also have. I told him to suck cough drops. He got mad.
Meanwhile this week my son, without any further communications with us at all, ran out to a doctor, got a prescription for hormones, and now is going to get it filled, He is thrilled and when I told him quietly, "I wish you would have at least discussed this with us first" he became sullen and mumbled "Sorry". He didn't speak to me again for the next few hours and now he has stomped off to go get them.
I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I will never have grandchildren, watch him gain 50-100 pounds and possibly develop diabetes and cardiovascular disease at a young age.
Who are these doctors that are so willing to destroy someone's health on such a small amount of information? Why are they so bent on ripping apart families? How did this become my life?
