Trans Widows Escape Committee 2- The Trans Widows Strike Back..

[TinselAngel]

The previous thread is nearly full, so here is a shiny new one.

I'm thrilled that this took off enough to merit a second thread.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason.

I feel so much for you Kitkat. It is a long job but you will eventually get through. These would sound like trite platitudes if some of us hadn't been through this. It's bloody awful. A living bereavement complicated by having to go through it in the current identity-political climate. Ideal timing for him of course but so hard for you and your kids. Please remember you are being entirely reasonable and are surrounded by groups like this and vast swathes of the public who would entirely understand why you feel as you do. Get support, focus on the practical, look after yourself and your kids. It will get better. I sometimes wish there was a safe way for women in our position to get together in person, but the sentiment is the same. Hang on in there.

I sometimes wish there was a safe way for women in our position to get together in person,

Now I'm tempted to try and make that happen as it would be such a subversive act!

Going through the same currently as KitKat. But he continues to live a double life, but beyond stressful.
Adult dd about to leave home.
Just trying to bide my time.
I have asked about the 'choice' issue and get the same response. He saying that he would be committed to an Institution if he had to remain a 'man'. Life sucks.
Thank you for all your support.
MN helping enormously, just to know I am not alone!!!!
One day at a time.
Soon to move on to a brighter/calmer future

They usually say they'd have to kill themselves.

KitkatX4 I am so sorry for all you are going through.

Just to say about whether someone can help something or not, it-s my view even of s person genuinely cannot help their behaviour, you can still choose not to accept it.

Your ex may wish to walkvhis daughters down the aisle or teach his son's to shave. Whether they let him do so or not can be their choice. It seems very old fashioned now for dad to walk his daughter down the aisle! Maybe they won't marry, or don't marry a man or don't want dad doing the walking. But I'd say that will be your kid's choices. So don't stress. He has hurt you a lot. Focus on you, now, not on him.

I'm not a trans widow so feel free to ignore me.

Re.meeting in person... probably impossible but I was put in touch with a friend of frend of friend TW and had two of the most amazing and meaningful hours of my life drinking and talking. If anyone gets the chance to be with someone in this boat take it....

And here we have Amanda "I've actually always been a lesbian, i just didn't realise" Knox telling other women how they should feel when their husbands decide to become "women". I find her toe curlingly obnoxious. She really reminds me of a religious fundamentalist.

Surely if we identify as something, she should respect that....

Funny how that seems to go just one way eh tinsel

We'll still be here when she eventually needs us.

If you don't angrily stick up for your newly "female" wife you are accused of not being enough of an ally and a secret transphobe and of harboring secret bigotry. You can't go too far in being protective and attacking everyone else to make your new wife feel fragile and protected and properly feminine now.
No one ever protects you.

Even making a coffee is stunning and brave.

I feel bad now. In the spirit of sisterly solidarity, we probably shouldn't take the piss.

I agree with you Optimist, I just wouldn't want a fellow trans widow to come to this thread for support and find we'd been taking the piss out of her, or somebody in a similar situation. (Granted it's an unlikely scenario in this case!)

If my husband decided out of the blue that he was a woman that would be the end of our marriage. I am not gay and I didn’t sign up to marry a women.

Agreed Kei. Declaring oneself a lesbian is also rather taking the piss out of women who didn't sign up for that when they married. However I agree with Tinsel and respect the important public service this thread provides. I will ask for my posts to be deleted as I don't belong on this thread and nor do my jokes.

I don’t see why ‘transwidow’ is so offensive when ‘deadname’ is a universally accepted name in the protrans world?

Well, I do, because it’s a name ex wives and girlfriends are choosing for themselves, and god forbid ordinary cunty women are allowed to do such a thing.

The hypocrisy stinks.

BettyDuMonde: god forbid ordinary cunty women are allowed to do such a thing You are right, of course. But the problem is that transwomen live in a parallel world. We are in the real one....

Excellent point about "Deadname", Betty.

When this came up in the previous thread an actual widow said that she didn't find it offensive at all. Particularly as "Widow" is often used in phrases such as "golf widow"

Well that's us told.

Pay that one no mind.