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Original poster

Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok

176 replies

Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 13:51

DD is 14, and her dad (exH) gave her this for Christmas.

She says it's fine, it's from Missguided, and she likes it.

I think it's vile and don't want her to go out in it.

We just compromised that she wore a coat over it to go to the shop. In my mild horror all I could come up with was "but but it says 'for men's entertainment' on it", and that's not my point.

Please help me form a coherent argument that a 14yo might listen to?

Here is the link,should you want www.missguided.co.uk/playboy-x-missguided-black-magazine-print-oversized-print-hoodie-dress-10125564

Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok
OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 28/12/2018 13:56

No advice on what to say. But I am Shock a father would buy that for his dd

Hoppinggreen · 28/12/2018 13:56

Yes it is pretty vile
However, the more you tell her not to wear it the more she will want to
I would say something along the lines of “as long as you are happy to advertise the fact that women are only there for men’s entertainment then that’s up to you, it’s prety tacky though”

Ereshkigal · 28/12/2018 13:58

YY I would go with the "tacky" argument rather than any sort of moral sounding one.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 28/12/2018 13:58

God that is awful, and thats coming from soneone who had a hoody that said 'People=Shit' on the back at her age. Can't you appeal to her sense of taste?

I think its the suggestion of porn on a childs clothes which makes us adults feel a grim but explaining it to her like that will probably not work!

DelphiniumBlue · 28/12/2018 13:58

It's advertising a pornographic magazine,of course you don't want your 14 year old going out in it!
And her dad bought it for her? What message does he think that gives her?
Obviously she'll it whatever you say, so best to lose it, shrink it, or spill bleach on it. Or tell her to keep it at her dad's.
I think I'd be having a word with him, his boundaries are clearly not in the right places!

userschmoozer · 28/12/2018 13:58

(I'm creeped out by the fact its from her Dad.)

I had a flat out ban on porn. Its exploitative, its linked to women being prostituted, and to human trafficking.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 28/12/2018 14:00

Tacky! thats the word I am looking for, its tacky as fuck but thinking back to my youth I was probably a worse offender. 'Barbie is a slut' tshirt and all blush

Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 14:01

But I am shock a father would buy that for his dd

Yes, I know. But he's not my ex for being too brilliant. Suspect it was chosen by stepmother anyway, as she does everything. No point having a go there. That ship sailed a long time ago.

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 28/12/2018 14:03

Jesus fucking wept.

From her DAD??!?

Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 14:03

Thank you all.

It's tacky as hell and I will make the link to 'women are just for men's entertainment, are they?' and porn/exploitation.

I knew I'd get some back up here!

OP posts:
silentcrow · 28/12/2018 14:04

I'm with userschmoozer. That is completely inappropriate for a 14yo: you are her parent, you are the adult, you say no and it gets returned. You don't need to argue, justify or persuade her or your ex. No is a complete sentence.

Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 14:06

lose it, shrink it, or spill bleach on it

This is a good option, and I was planning it. Do you think as she's 14 appeal to sense is worth it? I'm not in the mood for a screaming row, and she is v defensive about it.

OP posts:
Ribbonsonabox · 28/12/2018 14:06

Fine on a grown woman... I guess some might say it's a vintage advert objectifying women worn ironically/playfully on a practical garment of comfort which does not traditionally appeal to men sexually (a hoodie).... but it would ring very dodgy on a 14 yr old girl yes....

Did she ask for it as a gift is that why hes bought it for her? If he picked it himself that is very odd as a gift

MynameisJune · 28/12/2018 14:08

No way would any 14 year old girl of mine go out wearing that. I’d be complaining on Twitter to the company and her Dad would get it back with a note saying ‘what the actual fuck where you thinking’ or i’d bin it.

Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 14:08

Did she ask for it as a gift is that why hes bought it for her

I don't know. I'd like to know. She knows well enough not to have asked me for it. Either way it's horrible, and yes he is an arsehole.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 28/12/2018 14:09

I can't believe a father and step mother thought that was a appropriate for a 14 year old!
I would say "so you are advertising yourself as entertainment for me then?"

Drogosnextwife · 28/12/2018 14:09

I would also be having a word with exh.

Timeforabiscuit · 28/12/2018 14:11

By wearing it, she is acting as free advertising for an outmoded, outdated, deeply sexist magazine.

Are there other causes she feels passionate about which would benefit from her being a free billboard?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 28/12/2018 14:11

It would make a lovely set of dusters.

Seriously, no 14 year old should be wearing that. What an idiot your ex is.

RagingWhoreBag · 28/12/2018 14:12

Does she know what Playboy magazine is? It may be that she’s seen the cute little bunny logos on things but doesn’t realise it’s not just women swanning about with bunny ears on. But actual porn. (I assume, having never seen/read it)

I’m assuming at 14 you’ve talked to her about porn? And she has some understanding of the harm it does to both girls and boys? My 12/14 year olds are under no illusions about my views on porn and feminism generally, it’s not a one-off chat, it’s an ongoing attitude that needs to continue to challenge the onslaught of sexualisation aimed at our teenage girls. The fact that her own dad is complicit is frankly sickening.

Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 14:12

Drogosnextwife no point, he would not give a toss what I said or thought.

That's why I needed help with the form of words not to irritate a 14yo girl, but to get her to make her own, better, decision.

You've helped me stand firm on the not going out in it. I'm thinking next time she comes downstairs I'll ask her not to wear it in front of me either.

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 28/12/2018 14:14

Try to talk to her about it first. Ask her why she likes it, what does it mean to her. Let her see how sad it makes you feel, that her self worth and identity as a young woman is wrapped up in that image.

Her defensiveness would concern me. It suggests she feels pressured or conflicted in some way. Is she trying to impress someone? Is she mature enough to say 'no' and phone you if she is in a situation and out of her depth?

Grace212 · 28/12/2018 14:15

OP I'd go further and say "you're happy to walk around saying women are for fucking?"

I mean if she is, what can you do, but I wonder if she's thought of it like that.

calamitycake · 28/12/2018 14:15

Regardless of the obvious reasons for not wanting her to wear it I find unfathomable why a father would want his daughter to be advertising playboy even if he leers over it himself. You have to talk to him about it even if he is an arsehole.

Pearlgrey1 · 28/12/2018 14:17

It's very likely she's asked for it the playboy for missguided has been pretty popular with the so called "fashion" girls on Instagram. She's probably seen it on one of them and not thought too much about the actual playboy part itself.

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