How do SA and rape survivors cope in this climate?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

When I gave birth last Feb, the staff wanted a load of people observing me inc men. I always knew I wouldn't cope well with that but when it came to it, he strength of my feeling surprised me. I couldn't go through it.

I was told last week that that same hospital now employs a transwoman ultrasonographer in the EPU who specialises in vaginal US. The person who told me was a local GP, speaking to me in a social context. He said some of his patients had been distressed by it.

It got me thinking - how do you/ would you cope as a survivor faced with that kind of thing? For me, loos aren't so much an issue but healthcare definitely is. But we all have our specific triggers.... what do we do if we cannot avoid them?

I don't cope. So I just avoid contact with healthcare unless it's urgent and unavoidable.

Umbongo I don't think it is about believing that someone will hurt you so much as flashbacks and acute distress at being forced to relive very similar experiences.

Umbongo are you suggesting that only people who are irrational suffer ptsd?

I cope as well as I can. I don't want anyone sticking things in my bits but sometimes for medical reasons they have to, so I use the techniques taught in therapy and do my best to stay calm.

Man, woman, whatever, they're trained doctors and that's what I remind myself. Weirdly the male drs I've seen for GUM stuff have been a bit nicer about it, the woman seem to take a 'we all have to deal with it, stop complaining' attitude whereas male docs more 'that sounds hard and I appreciate I don't understand fully so here's some empathy let's do those tests'.

I've been a victim of SA & rape from mostly male relatives but a couple of female relatives, very fucked up family.

No not at all, but it’s very easy to be irrational when you’ve suffered trauma. I got bitten by a dog a few years ago. Rationally I know not all dogs will hurt me, but irrationally I’m still a bit frightened of them.

I don’t think it’s rational to be frightened of all male bodied people because of the actions of a few.

I asked for the minimum possible male health care professionals to be involved when giving birth to dd. As it happened, three of those in surgery for my c section were male, and that was unavoidable. They were incredibly sensitive to my past trauma and explained clearly what they needed to do and asked if each thing was ok.

I had a good experience with them, but there was no other choice. In the situation you are describing I would ask for a different ultrasound technician. If this was not possible, i would have to judge it on how the individual behaved towards me. If they were as considerate and gentle as the male healthcare professionals I encountered for my cs, I would have less of an issue. I'm not sure I would get to that point for something that I could wait until there was someone else available for.

Even if you aren't a survivor, you should have the right to have intimate procedures carried out by someone of the same sex should you so choose.

I had to have an internal US in my last pregnancy, I would have been very uncomfortable if this was carried out by somebody who didn't share the physiology which they were examining, same goes for smear tests.

That really is basic patient care. Especially in early ultrasounds which are normally carried out due to high risk and have high sensitivity on top of the intimate nature of the scan, no further distress should be placed on the patient under their care.

It needs to be patient choice that is understood and accommodated.

Oh - another one. How common are "cis" male ultrasound technicians who specialise in vaginal ultrasound? I'm assuming that male technicians are few in number as the doctor mentioned patients being distressed by the transwoman.

Its not irrational if you've been harmed, is it. Its a risk assessment. Saying you don't have PTSD becuase you are 'rational' is victim blaming bullshit. You don't choose PTSD and you cant identify your way out of it.

My medical notes state 'female staff only'. You'd have to be complete shit to put your need for validation ahead of my need to maintain my mental health.

I employ a number of coping techniques. I still get very ansty in some situations that I can't avoid. But I certainly would avoid others that I have prior notice of.

Much like the HoP discussion today, one woman being happy to share a space with an intact male body doesn't really have anything to do with whether or not that is OK for all women.

We all need to be able to have our own boundaries, and not have boundaries removed because some women don't need them.

Home the GP's exact words were "this is a 6 foot 2 bloke, I'm presuming it's been done out of some kind of need for validation".

I am speaking solely for myself here and no judgement on others but it doesn't matter how nice a man is. To me it is not the point. I cannot stop myself from not-wanting a man to look at or touch me so if he does, it feels like being attacked again. I can't stop it feeling like that.

I hid in the toilet to birth my baby to get away from them.

I just cannot imagine what I' d actually say if faced with that ultrasonographer. I needed an epu scan to see if DD1 had miscarried when I was pg with her. I don't think i could have borne a male bodied hcp then.

I don't think its rational to tell women not to have privacy boundaries, I think its abusive.

"I don’t think it’s rational to be frightened of all male bodied people because of the actions of a few."

So you disagree with stuff like
women looking out for their drinks in the pub
women avoiding walking home alone late at night
women going around together in certain circs
single sex provision in a host of things eg toilets in refugee camps
etc and so on

and think anyone who wants these things is irrational?

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/single-sex-toilets-unesco-un-international-womens-day-period-a8244776.html

Is this organisation irrational?

I am flabbergasted by that comment.

From when we are young we are told by all and sundry - the police the media etc that we are PREY and we must proceed with caution
Yet, when we do so, a woman thinks it's appropriate to say all women who do this are IRRATIONAL
What a kick in the teeth.

Is it irrational for a girl to say no to going home with some friendly men she meets in the pub?

I think most people would say that going with them is a RISK.

What an incredible reversal.

It's like when men say yes women should be cautious obviously but not around me, what an insult!

I’m not telling anyone else how to feel, that’s how I feel personally.

Saying you don’t believe someone is pretty shitty. I don’t care what you think because you’re just a random in the internet but someone less hardened than me could be devasted by that.
I’ve done my therapy through the Suzy project and I’m now I a place where I am comfortable with how I feel. And i think more work and funding should be put into making every woman feel safe in a health setting regardless of who is treating them. And of course, all women should feel comfortable refusing treatment if they choose, without putting that blame on the practitioner who is just doing their job.

Umbongo why aren't you more rational about your fear of dogs? Why not apply the same rational thinking to the way you thought your way around fearing men - know that one dog biting you doesn't mean you should walk around thinking all dogs are potential biters?
Simples.

"And i think more work and funding should be put into making every woman feel safe in a health setting regardless of who is treating them."

Women need to be "educated" into letting anyone have at them, rather than listen to their instincts?