How do SA and rape survivors cope in this climate?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

When I gave birth last Feb, the staff wanted a load of people observing me inc men. I always knew I wouldn't cope well with that but when it came to it, he strength of my feeling surprised me. I couldn't go through it.

I was told last week that that same hospital now employs a transwoman ultrasonographer in the EPU who specialises in vaginal US. The person who told me was a local GP, speaking to me in a social context. He said some of his patients had been distressed by it.

It got me thinking - how do you/ would you cope as a survivor faced with that kind of thing? For me, loos aren't so much an issue but healthcare definitely is. But we all have our specific triggers.... what do we do if we cannot avoid them?

I dread to think how long id have waited if I had been asked which dr I’d prefer. sometimes it’s just not feasible to offer everyone a choice, but if you have a preference then of course it should be adhered too.

There are posters on this thread who are describing very serious reasons why the sex of HCPs matters and the impact this has on them.

Please don't frame this as about choice and preference.

It minimises what has been done.

If you don't understand the basic rules of English grammar and sentence structure that's not something I'm prepared to help you with unless you pay me for my time and effort.

My point the whole time has been that woman should have the choice?! And they do. You have a choice to request a female, I’m saying you should also have a choice and chance to consent if the female the trust is referring to is a transwoman.

Angry just a side note, I hope you realised you just referred to female as ‘a female’ do you hate woman and spend a lot of time around men?

She didn't. That's an adjective use, not a noun. HCP is the noun. HTH

Thank you, Ereshkigal

EarlyWalker I'm sorry for your miscarriage I actually haven't been to an NHS hospital. I live in New Zealand, which also has an overburdened government funded healthcare system though. I think in that situation, you should be told that unfortunately the only person available is male. Then it's up to you to decide - and I am sure almost every woman, even those who would otherwise request a female, would understand that needs must, and see them. Where possible though (a non-urgent procedure or an appointment,) a woman may indeed choose to wait til a female is available.

My point the whole time has been that woman should have the choice?! And they do. You have a choice to request a female, I’m saying you should also have a choice and chance to consent if the female the trust is referring to is a transwoman.

No. Because an MTF trans person is not female.

You should ask Early that. I'll make the popcorn.

Actually Early was one of the posters who suggested offering advanced choice but was shouted down by people saying no way. If you don't want a female hcp it is up to you to request a male hcp.

I do think that more needs to be done to increase the number of female drs available though. My GP practice has 3 female drs out of 8, but they are also part time and so there are many more appointments available with a male dr than a female dr. That removes an element of choice immediately just because the waiting time to see a female dr may be prohibitively long.

Ok I’m out now, I’m starting to feel that actually this isn’t about what’s best for survivors of sexual abuse but more so how they can be used as just another pawn in your game of ‘TWANW’ and I don’t want to be part of it anymore.
Usually I would try and stick around but I draw the line at mine and other woman’s experiences being used in this way.

EarlyWalker I haven't read all the thread, but I appreciate that you think women should be given the opportunity to make an informed choice, and understand that when you say they should be able to choose a female HCP, you mean the cunty kind.

Early my original point was about the gaslighting I feel is involved in saying to a woman in distress and pain, sure here's a woman HCP to do your intimate procedure.....in walks a six foot clearly male person.

This isn't a game for. I am not starting from the pov that TWANW and going from there. I am starting from the point that the scenario would feel incredibly violating because tw are not women

Honestly and truly do you see what I mean?

I started this thread in good faith bc I have intrusive thoughts about my birth experiences. I have to go to the hospital regularly with Twin1 who still has some issues. That conversation I had with that dr really upset me as it showed me things could have been even worse. I always assumed things like that "never happened" or at least not in my sleepy local provincial hospital.

Now it has and it feels awfully close to home. Can you not understand?

Ok I’m out now, I’m starting to feel that actually this isn’t about what’s best for survivors of sexual abuse but more so how they can be used as just another pawn in your game of ‘TWANW’ and I don’t want to be part of it anymore.

No. This isn't about them. I mentioned my own issues before. It's about safeguarding women's rights to privacy and dignity and our comfort when having sometimes painful/humiliating intimate care.

It's about safeguarding women's rights to privacy and dignity and our comfort when having sometimes painful/humiliating intimate care.

That's what it should be about.

Sadly it seems to only apply to people who conform with what some posters to be the "correct response". All women should have the choice as to who gives their healthcare and everyone's choice should be as important as the next.

I started this thread in good faith bc I have intrusive thoughts about my birth experiences. I have to go to the hospital regularly with Twin1 who still has some issues. That conversation I had with that dr really upset me as it showed me things could have been even worse. I always assumed things like that "never happened" or at least not in my sleepy local provincial hospital.

Now it has and it feels awfully close to home. Can you not understand?

Its an important thread & discussion Johnny

Re ‘ chance to consent if the female the trust is referring tois a transwoman’ - that’s a bit off really isn’t it. Potential scenario -a vulnerable woman asks for a woman hcp and then gets asked if she’d accept a trans woman, which means her original request was ignored. Trans women are not women they are males who choose the female gender. Vulnerable women should not be asked to collude in male to female dysphoria. Vice versa for women abused by women who may only wanted to treated by a man.

All women should have the choice as to who gives their healthcare and everyone's choice should be as important as the next.

The common sense assumption of single sex provision when women are embarrassed or vulnerable should hold. If you specifically require an opposite sex HCP you should be offered one. So again, they should ask if you prefer a female HCP, and also you have any other preferences for your care that are important. As I said, not all women who prefer a woman to handle intimate care have PTSD. It's a preference for many women (and men).

And as pp said, they shouldn't ask it at the time, they should ask when you register with a GP surgery.

Ereshkigal

But really how can you offer single sex provision for women who are embarrassed or traumatized as a matter of course? If you want that as the default option and a request is specifically made for a male hcp there surely just aren't enough female practitioners to provide this? And what would the male drs be doing while they are waiting for someone to request them?

Without commenting on the rights or wrongs of what you are suggesting I just can't see how it is practical to offer this unless we accept that waiting times increase massively to allow only female drs to treat women patients?

Is that not a justification to ask all women to pre select the sex of their hcp, ahead of the appointment? That way women who absolutely only want to see female hcps can be allocated them, those who only want to see a male hcp can see them and those who are ok either way can be assigned randomly.

I've not worked in obs and gynae for many years but when I did there were about twice as many male drs as female. That might well have changed but the service would collapse if they had removed all of those male drs in order to make sure that all women only saw a female dr.

And as pp said, they shouldn't ask it at the time, they should ask when you register with a GP surgery.
I agree ask it when you register with a GP but I think that for any OPD then a form should be provided to record choice then too. I've been with my GP surgery for 15 my circumstances could have changed in that time and my choice then might be my choice now.

You completely misunderstand my point. Women should be asked what they prefer. There should be an assumption that they may well prefer a woman, because that's quite a common scenario.

If they say they prefer a woman that should go on their notes. As should any other comments such as they would prefer a man due to any personal reasons they have.

I've been with my GP surgery for 15 my circumstances could have changed in that time and my choice then might be my choice now.

The assumption should be if they specified certain things on registering that until they tell you that has not changed.

Ereshkigal

Fair enough. I have obviously misunderstood. I thought you were saying, as was previously said, that the default should be only female hcps, unless the patient specifically requests a male.

I perhaps worded that clumsily. I think there should be an assumption that it is very common for women to not wish for a male person to perform intimate care.

This thread is quite vile.

It's really fucking simple. Any hospital or clinic providing intimate services for women should have a simple tick box request form on registration - do you require a same sex practioner?.

If yes is ticked, no men and no TW to provide care for that woman, regardless of GRC or transition status.

End of thread.

So simple I forgot how to spell practitioner!

The assumption should be if they specified certain things on registering that until they tell you that has not changed.

And healthcare not provided via the GP? So maybe A and E or self referral to an outpatients clinic? I don't think consent should ever be presumed. Just because I consented yesterday does mean that I consent now.

I see a physio frequently. Everytime he has to lift up my top, or moves my clothing, or touches me he asks if it's ok. It is a bit repetitive sometimes but actually he is right. Just because I was ok 5 minutes ago I might not agree to it now.

Consent should never be assumed and I also don't think that an absence of refusal should be assumed to be consent either. So just because I didn't say no doesn't mean I said yes.