Hey up women - someone has arrived to show us how to do 'womaning' right

[pombear]

Thank god - we were waiting for this revolutionary message.

I had no idea how to "take ownership of and assert agency over my own body" till this [person] policed the fuck out of 'what makes a woman'!

(PS I unashamedly enjoy sex too, but the stick-on-hearts would probably end up on the duvet, so not that revolutionary, as someone has to tidy up afterwards!)

Are men encouraged to explore their sexuality or is it just something women should be doing?

Asserting my agency as a woman is wearing pyjama bottoms, ridiculous fluffy slippers, an oversized t-shirt and having messy hair at 1pm after I've picked up my son from nursery, DH is away and I don't give a fuck what the Amazon delivery driver thinks of it.

Cos the reality is prancing around and posing to the camera whilst you have a vanity wank isn't particularly meaningful in life.

I'd much rather watch Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong if I want to do something utterly Pointless.

It is indeed a mystery, Not.

I'm not one for body shaming - I've got a fat arse, big belly and child-bearing hips myself - but I cannot recognise this stunning person as the same bra-less MB who attended a recent award ceremony and was shown in motion. MB looked nothing like that there saucy minx (above).

We have to accept that, like a very small number of gels, she is cursed with masculine shoulders and a broad chest. Whoever said that she would not be out of place in the front row of a rugby scrum, was not being kind. At the award ceremony she had to contend with wayward chesticles that tended to shift towards her underarms, and it was a right old battle You could see that she wanted them to sit nicely and point to the front, but no, they had a mind of their own and preferred to dangle towards her (extremely curvy) buttocks, leaving a gap that was the size of scrum half across her broad chest.

It is outrageous that a gal is bodyshamed into going back to stylised, touched-up poses, and has to work overtime on photoshop. It is even more outrageous that she now insists on being carried onto stages and the Good Morning sofa, to avoid being in motion.

Shame!

They take that from their male days. They cannot fathom that a woman is a person first and a sexual being second, to them a woman is sexual first. Always

Absolutely this ^^

It seems to all come down to sex.

Are there any transwoman called Sharon, or do they all give themselves pornified names? Again, obsessed with women being sexualised.

Make an interesting upskirt shot....sheesh, must go and bleach my eyes.

Are men encouraged to explore their sexuality or is it just something women should be doing?

Only women. And actually, expressing your sexuality like this is one of the main indicators that you are a woman, I believe.

To be fair pos, there is a big range of names and not all are glamorous - lots of transgender Sues, Sarahs and Helens that i know of/have met. Not really an issue IMO.

I was struggling to assert my agency today as I was more concerned with trying to get the stains out of yet another pair of pyjama bottoms after bleeding through a tampon and supersize pad combo whilst trying to ignore the throbbing headache and nausea that is accompanying day 9 of my period from hell.

Then I told DP he’d be better off sleeping in the room as if he so much as breathed near my tits, even accidentally, as sore and over sensitive as they are, I’d stab him through the neck and not feel sorry. So he brought me a cup of tea and a packet of custard creams to bed and left me to it and now I’m thinking hey, I asserted some agency after all, and I didn’t even need a nipple sticker (which to be honest, the mere idea of is making me want to curl up and die right now).

*sleeping in the spare room I meant

The phrase 'exploring your sexuality ' does make me ponder. Should you draw a map? Do you need vaccinations? Is it wise to take provisions and a torch? Is it safe to drink the water? The mind boggles.

Just think of the noise it would make if you took agency of your lady-arse and farted in that chair.

Just think of the vibrations; it would be picked up on a seismograph

Thanks but I’ll express myself in natural fibres if it’s all the same. It’s best to avoid Nylon and plastic at my age.

bluetitsaretits - excellent question. Perhaps a machete? A Swiss Army knife at the very least?

Blimey.

Expressing one's female sexuality looks like a lot of hard work.

Cripes exciting
Is tha5 the new Barbie doll ?

Puffa jackets are a bit too niche a fetish for my tastes, but you go ahead and fill your (yellow) boots, Mungo.

Is that a trailer for the new Paddington Bear film “Paddington goes Porno”.? Glad they’ve swapped the duffel for a puffa, so much more on trend.

With everyone going on about the naked arse on plastic chair thing, I can't help picturing the sweat/steam print left on it as Bergdorf hobbles off.

Could I please have some agency over the lochia and cracked nipples of my life?

I take it you have no heart shaped nipple stickers in your life, OV?

I don’t understand there’s absolutely nothing cutting edge or anything that women have not been hearing from before puberty about what MB is doing. Women are still a mystery to Monroe.

I would like to assert my female sexuality or whatever, but my body likes to develop a depressing number of UTI's.
Biology, huh? Totally sucks. And given that I'm built like two peas on an ironing board I'd need some smaller hearts.

MrsTerryPratchett said *Interestingly when I talk to women about agency, it's things like deciding if they want to breastfeed THEMSELVES, not because other people tell them. Or deciding birth plans. Or choosing to have a coffee when pregnant. Or being refused service while pregnant and buying something not on the 'approved' list. Or BFing in public. Or choosing what body hair to have.

As it pertains to sex and sexuality, it's more often telling women they are allowed not to have sex they don't want to have.*

Yes! Why is our agency so frequently reduced to sexuality?
As if there was nothing else that concerns us.

So depressing and predictable.