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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What makes men angry with women?

427 replies

Italiangreyhound · 29/08/2018 01:52

What makes men angry with women?

Is this article of any interest? Does it offer any incites?

goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hidden-reason-men-angry-women-over-nothing-chwm/

Thanks in advance if anyone reads it.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 06/09/2018 13:41

This Guardian article does not add much...

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/27/why-are-some-men-so-angry

but it does at least admit that male anger hurts men too...

"According to Harvard researcher Ronald Kessler, explosive anger – defined as a response “grossly out of proportion to the situation” – is two to three times more likely to occur in male teens, and twice as likely in adult men. Men are more likely to kill and be killed than women, and more likely to commit suicide: men’s anger hurts men, too."

Psychology today posts some points...

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201004/anger-men-and-love

Does anyone agree this is true?

"Most male anger comes from feeling like a failure as a protector, provider, and sexual-lover. These acute vulnerabilities can be stimulated by the mere unhappiness or displeasure of his wife, even if her distress or negative states have nothing to do with him. And he is likely to blame his sense of failure and the feelings of inadequacy it stimulates on her. Blame gives him status as a victim. Victimhood gives him a temporary sense of self-righteousness, along with a retaliation impulse, which, in turn, stimulates anger."

This bit looks promising, does it apply to women too...

"The adrenalin rush of anger, like any other amphetamine-effect, always crashes into some level of depression, at least in the form of self-doubt and energy depletion. He then uses a low-grade resentment to militate out of depressed mood - to gain temporary confidence and energy. Resentment keeps him partially aroused most of the time and highly susceptible to angry outbursts. The excess adrenalin and cortisol in his bloodstream make it hard for him to sleep and more difficult to concentrate when awake. Often tired and distracted, he needs more anger for energy, focus, and motivation. He gets caught on a recurring roller-coaster of resentment-anger-depression-resentment-anger-depression. Chronic blame keeps him mired in victim-identity, which continually reignites the cycle. If he allows himself to realize that he may be a victimizer, he sinks lower, possibly into thoughts of suicide.

Think Habit, Not "Childhood Issues"
Once this pattern becomes habituated, the content - what makes him angry - is no longer important, as he will look for anything to give him the adrenalin shot he needs. He becomes a kind of anger-junkie, in search of blame to get his fix. He lives predominantly in two emotional states, either buzzing along with some form of low-grade anger or plodding ahead in mildly depressed mood. His life becomes a joyless drive to get things done."

and this is really interesting...

"The man who feels inadequate at love doesn't need insight about the past. He doesn't feel bad because of the way he was treated as a child; he feels bad because of the way he fails his family now. His childhood experiences may have caused him to feel vulnerable in the first place, but the habit of blaming his vulnerable feelings on those closest to him makes him feel ever more vulnerable as it causes untold misery to him and his family. Once a habit is etched in the brain, it cannot be reversed by resolving whatever issue may have given rise to it. That is why therapies that focus on childhood wounds, though they might be interesting for self-discovery, are all but useless at changing habits. Habits are conditioned responses that must be reconditioned in the present."

I actually think this has a lot to say to the issue...

"Inadequacy Is Motivation
Men in our culture are especially vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy and especially prone to misinterpret them as punishment to be avoided rather than motivation to change behavior. Feelings of inadequacy are motivations, not punishments. Before we know how to do anything, we feel inadequate at doing it. The unpleasant feeling of inadequacy is a motivation to learn how to do the task at hand. Everything important we do stimulated feelings of inadequacy before we learned how to do it. That includes maintaining intimate relationships in a complex modern world.

For a man to be successful in a modern marriage, he must develop the habit of acting on his sense of inadequacy as motivation to improve his relationship. He must clearly understand that his bad feelings are not punishment; they are motivation to be more protective and loving. By developing new habits of connecting-by-protecting, he will realize that he feels far more valuable and powerful when compassionate than when angry. He will realize that compassion for loved ones is power."

OP posts:
DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 18/09/2018 11:19

I know the thread has lapsed a bit, but I came across this article today which seems to belong here. I'm not entirely convinced that animal models are the answer, since not all animals have a male-driven dominance hierarchy. Hyenas, for example, are a matriarchy.

How understanding animal behaviour can liberate us from gender inequality

theconversation.com/how-understanding-animal-behaviour-can-liberate-us-from-gender-inequality-102981

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