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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Why are femnists such doormats?

173 replies

DJLippy · 15/07/2018 22:07

Firstly, please excuse the clickbait title.

I was wondering if anybody else shared my personal experience in that the most vocal feminists I've known have been treated like shit by men. Not before they became feminists but during and throughout their feminism.

I've lost count of the amount of women for whom the personal is definitely not political. I can hardly speak myself. If I had to describe my type it would be 'secret dickhead type.'

Are feminists more prone to dickhead type men or are we just more aware of the dickhead behavior of our men? Is it causal?

Do feminists love bastards?

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 15/07/2018 22:20

How many feminist societies are there? Where in the world do women have unconditional agency?
Society raises men to be entitled and women to enable them. Conditioning doesn't disappear just because you decide it should.

Rhynswynd · 15/07/2018 22:20

Very baity title

I don't think feminists love bastards. I certainky don't. My husband finds some of my views a bit jarring and at times has felt a little under attack in a "not all men" way. But has never been an arsehole about my views.
Other men I know are different. I can see their fuckwittery and am less afraid to just call them out on their bullshit. Even mu husbands boss has been talked to.

So no...I don't think feminists are doormats. We are more aware of the harmful attitudes of the men in our lives though.

Rhynswynd · 15/07/2018 22:22

My typing skills on my phone are awful. Grin

shitsgettingreal · 15/07/2018 22:27

Socialisation - we're conditioned to be nice. It's also usually harder to believe that stuff happens in real life with real people (who don't look like pantomime villains) until it's too late.

Original poster
DJLippy · 15/07/2018 22:30

I find it interesting that the most educated and erudite feminists I've known #LoveABadBoy

OP posts:
littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:34

Feck dj am not

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:35

Love a bad boy. Feck no

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:38

So where u going wit this dj ?

Original poster
DJLippy · 15/07/2018 22:42

Just wondering out loud. I'm not being political or goady.

OP posts:
thebewilderness · 15/07/2018 22:43

Turns out that abusive men target Feminists for their con game.
Scores higher in the male dominance sociopath competition if you can deceive a professional woman, a high achievement woman, or a Feminist.

UpstartCrow · 15/07/2018 22:45

They also get extra points if they can
a) be a 'house husband' and
b) not do any fucking housework.

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:45

Unasked the question dj

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:45

Sorry u asked the question

duckfuckduck · 15/07/2018 22:47

Not in my case. And not in my friends.

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:47

actually no u mad3 a statement. Which was shite

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:48

And u was being goady and also daft. So there we go,

annandale · 15/07/2018 22:50

What's with the hash tags? Have I wandered into Twitter?

Feminism is a way of analysing the world. It's not a club with membership rules, or a professional qualification.

I don't know any bad boys that I'm aware of. The men i know are so lovely and endlessly giving that it's really hard to live up to them. I'm sure they have many annoying aspects as all humans do, but those I know have been loving husbands, fathers and carers for decades. apart from my dad All manage to be feminist allies in variable ways apart from my stepdad not all in the most perfect or up to date way, but the same is true of the women.

So apart from my mother's tendency to shag men with pronounced wanker streaks (due to her entirely unexamined admiration for the loudly 'successful'), I would say that from my experience feminist relationships exist and thrive and look infinitely better than those from before the second feminist wave.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/07/2018 22:50

My experience doesn't chime with yours TBH, DJ.

And quite a lot of vocal feminists are lesbians ...
.
Maybe you've just got a somewhat anomalous sample?

SarahCarer · 15/07/2018 22:50

I think what you see is the emergence of understanding in feminists which makes them recognise and articulate how badly they are being treated by someone they love. I certainly don't think feminists are more likely than average to #LoveABadBoy and I definitely don't!

littlbrowndog · 15/07/2018 22:52

Dj lippy tink on. Wat u said was shite. Simple shite

TeiTetua · 15/07/2018 22:54

To the extent that anyone's ever tried to investigate, it seems as if there are some good relationships between feminist women and men who aren't too awful:
www.researchgate.net/publication/225145092_The_Interpersonal_Power_of_Feminism_Is_Feminism_Good_for_Romantic_Relationships

"results revealed that having a feminist partner was linked to healthier relationships for women. Additionally, men with feminist partners reported greater relationship stability and sexual satisfaction in the online survey. "

One would like to think that feminists pick men who are worthy of them. But if they make a mistake, they kick the loser out, thus keeping up a high average of happy relationships.

LemonJello · 15/07/2018 22:56

Interesting.

When you are in an unhealthy dynamic the ‘theory’ part is the easy bit. And particularly compelling as it enables you to feel like issues are being tackled and wrongs are being righted, without having to do any of the really hard, confrontational work.

Much like spending hours drawing out a beautiful colour coded revision timetable, rather than actually studying for the exam.

I wonder if it may be something like that?

LangCleg · 15/07/2018 22:56

My type is someone who detests ironing marginally less than me and thank fuck, I found one.

Having failed female socialisation with a score of and our survey said a big fat zero, I found that the resulting reduced dating pool included mostly good ones.

So no, not had the secret dickhead problem.

Sorry!

TornFromTheInside · 15/07/2018 22:59

Some feminists are going to rub some men up the wrong way and that might result in bruised egos and pathetic mistreatment by men.

For others, a women asserting her right to voice be opinion and to have a view, is attractive, even if at times there is disagreement. Dealing with disagreement is a sign of maturity and mutual respect.

I can't say I've ever disliked someone for being a feminist. It seems the most natural thing to be. I find not being a feminist to be more questionable.
That doesn't mean I like all feminists. I sometimes have a clash of personalities just as I might with anybody. Feminism doesn't come into the equation.

I can definitely see how some moronic men might seek to bully feminists, but those men probably seek to bully anybody in order to boost their ego.

The feminists I know don't get trodden on. But I'm only aware of the more outspoken ones. The ones with feminist views who don't make them known may well tell a different story.

All of that said, what goes on behind closed doors isn't always revealed. I can only judge on what they say and how they appear.

LangCleg · 15/07/2018 23:02

Some feminists are going to rub some men up the wrong way and that might result in bruised egos and pathetic mistreatment by men.

For others, a women asserting her right to voice be opinion and to have a view, is attractive, even if at times there is disagreement.

Former group: large, often call you unfuckable (because you make their willy wilt)

Latter group: small, quite likely to be worth bothering with.

This is what I mean by reduced dating pool. The wilted willies run a mile.