little things you do each day that are a tiny bit feminist

[speakingwoman]

They can be big, or small, or misfire even....

Here's mine.
I'm working from home, on a call to a colleague. The doorbell rings.
I answer it still on the phone. It's a friend of my husband's. I ineptly signal him in and beckon husband in from garden whilst continuing call.

Once off phone, I pop into to kitchen say hi and apologise for my inept/stumbling signals saying "I'm no good at multi-tasking."

He replies "I'm not either.... but I'm a man....." and then looks a bit confused. He knows there's something askance about what I said and he's waiting for me to rescue him.

I don't. I don't qualify my statement that when engaged in work I find it difficult to simulteneously perform a domestic favour for my husband. I smile and leave.

It's small, it's crap, it's nothing really but it's done now and if another woman says it to him he might just begin to wonder whether multi-tasking really is something that women have to do but he doesn't.

I refuse to move out the way for men.

Great thread!

I make sure that whenever we meet new children, I don’t assume their sex. Will ask their name or refer to them neutrally (as in
“I think this child was next, we have to wait DD” )

I realised it would be fruitless keeping on with the “wearing pink doesn’t make you a girl” “colours are for everyone” “girls can wear shorts and play football and have short hair too if they want to!” if I were undermining this in everyday life by assuming who was a boy and who was a girl based on first glance alone.

I didn’t give in to pressure to move from my table in a cafe today when my friend was running five minutes late to meet me.

In the past, I would have felt pressured to move over to the stools next to the counter, because there were several couples hovering by my table.

But I thought no, I arrived before they did, so I can jolly well stay at this table. Got glared at plenty though and I think there was even a complaint to the waitress about me!

I wear men’s deodorant. It’s often cheaper and usually has more of the active.

DS has toys stereotypically for both genders. And tries to bf his dolls...

I drive and own a car. DH doesn’t. Watching mechanics try and deal with him, when he’s not that certain if a clutch is a pedal or a lever is hysterical

Getting rid of the persistent 'sorry!' is really hard though when you're female and English

Isn't it?! I'm trying hard on this one though

Also animals not being a default male - it's really ingrained in me, so it's pretty hard not to go with "him" and "he" all the time

When I'm in the car with my DH and someone does something stupid in another car he always says "she" eventhough he has no idea whether it's male or female so I counter this by getting in there first using "he" (and then cross my fingers that it is a man :p )

I've found this really interesting and do several things without realising. I'm raising two daughters and one son and I'm realising how much the world is open for him versus what the girls had a decade ago (big gap)
Is there a thread that can help me come in from the beginning with the best intentions? Im from a home where doctors were Male and nurses were female. Where men were strong and girls were pretty. I'm battling it to enable my girls to fill whatever space they want to but it's so ingrained I probably miss some of it myself.
Also how long do you think it can take to change your habits?

I had some counselling to stop my inner voice being so horrible to me and it is amazing the difference it made. If I can set my children along the path before it gets damaged I'll be happy

I love these microfeminisms.

Last year, I re-arranged my bookshelves so female authors are at the front. No male authors are visible.

I have lots of old black and white family photos (no idea who most of them are). Only one out of about twelve have men as the main subject.

I always correct "girls" to "women"

I take up exactly 50% of the seat on trains and buses

I never move over on the pavement for men

I work in a male dominated environment, so I make sure that I am as vocal in meetings as my male colleagues. and when I give a presentation, I use 'she' rather than 'he' in hypothetical examples and choose females for the illustrative pictures.

I read Horrid Henry to my kids. It's really really good for this kind of thing (eg Dad makes the packed lunches, female doctor, female boss).

We had a buffet lunch at work yesterday, I noticed that the women were getting stuck in helping to set up and bring food out etc but all the men remained at their desks! All of them! So along with a colleague after the buffet we suggested that the men could clear up, some were quite taken aback, one just returned to his desk, the others got stuck in.
It amazed me that they just thought it wasn't for them to do!

Also, I openly refer to myself as a feminist in conversations with friends. I think that's an important one - so many people are hesitant about owning the term, or associate it with negative connotations.

I used to have a bigger and more powerful car than my husband. That messed with people's heads.

The first time my male colleague left a mug he'd used in the office kitchen, unwashed, after he'd left for the day, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, washed and took it back for him. The next day he left it again. I didn't sort it out for him a second time. It went missing. Turns out the mug actually belonged to our ferocious female boss. She gave him a really hard time for losing it and wouldn't let him blame anyone else. Unbelievably he did try to put the blame elsewhere.

I refer to expensive cameras and other kit beloved by men of a certain age as ‘male jewellery’. So often they make comments about spending money on sparkly rings a waste of money, but they seem happy to spend big on their own status symbols.

Bump for TillyMint81

I tell my son he is beautiful, kind , funny, helpful and clever and comments on little girls behaviour and not what they are wearing or say their hair looks pretty.

I tell him he should cry as much as he likes until he feels better.

It's a minor thing but I do it consciously as I know I have been so programmed into making those flippant comments that are charged with stereotypes.

Stopped saying sorry before giving an opinion or offering a different point of view.
Not smiling in an ingratiating way if I need to ask for something in a shop or elsewhere. Just saying please and thank you perhaps with a smile at the end. Lately I realised I don't have to grin and play lovely for everything. Some part of me felt the need to warm everyone to me as I wasn't enough on my own..

I challenge DP constantly about making comments about our daughters along the lines of "is she due on?"

I usually respond with a variation of "No, she was just being very rude to you. She'll probably do it again if you mention her menstrual cycle again. As will I."

I sometimes call young men boys (mainly when I talk to DH about the 22 year olds I am at uni with, it comes natural to call the young women 'girls' so I call the men in the class boys too)

I ring the dads first when their children are sick or injured at school when parents have put themselves as equal priority contact (school office).

I also make a point of saying 'you'll have to ask daddy to wash that when you get home' if a child has to change their clothes (if I know they have two parents)

its just to counteract the other stuff - my colleagues all say mum and ring mum.

Under some circumstances, if a bloke mentions women being hormonal then it may be possible to respond that at least we're not hormonal all the flipping time like men are on testosterone.

Oh and I bought a pink jumper which 'create the future' on it from the girls section and made DS wear it. He's grown out of it now but will be looking for similar come Autumn.

Loving some of the ideas on here!

Dd1 was looking at something to do with periods yesterday and said 'oh ds won't need to know this' (he's three) I replied that he would know all about it because he will need to be supportive of them and any potential partner in years to come. That it's not something to hide and be ashamed of. Dh has plans when they were tiny that their first period would be celebrated with a meal out and a little pack of essentials.

Also, I openly refer to myself as a feminist in conversations with friends. I think that's an important one - so many people are hesitant about owning the term, or associate it with negative connotations.

Yes. I've only recently become "brave" enough to do this (which is a sad state of affairs) I was out with two close girl friends and when i first said "well I'm a massive feminist" they both kind of looked at me as if I'd just said I was a serial killer but we had a conversation and guess what? they're feminists too

I always refer to myself as a feminist. Am happy to discuss what that means to me to.
Am married but haven't name changed and don't wear a ring. Will use Ms whenever and would ask why anyone needs to know if I'm married out of context.
I hate the use of 'guys' for a mixed group (and will say so) and it's interesting how few women realise what they are doing with that until you point it out.
Praise my daughter for her abilities, but also acknowledge that she is beautiful.
Appreciate my husband for pulling his weight and generally not being sexist or misogynistic.
Will point out to colleagues when they are 'mansplaining' I work in a fairly male environment but have mostly decent blokes around.
Polite assertiveness at all times.

I talk about women and men.....

I own the pavement when I walk

I challenge stereotypes

I ask children why they think something is a boy thing or a girl thing

I encourage anyone to live in a gender-nonconforming way - and AM LONGING FOR MEN TO START EXPANDING THE BANDWIDTH OF BEING A MAN... I think I have a long wait....