little things you do each day that are a tiny bit feminist

[speakingwoman]

They can be big, or small, or misfire even....

Here's mine.
I'm working from home, on a call to a colleague. The doorbell rings.
I answer it still on the phone. It's a friend of my husband's. I ineptly signal him in and beckon husband in from garden whilst continuing call.

Once off phone, I pop into to kitchen say hi and apologise for my inept/stumbling signals saying "I'm no good at multi-tasking."

He replies "I'm not either.... but I'm a man....." and then looks a bit confused. He knows there's something askance about what I said and he's waiting for me to rescue him.

I don't. I don't qualify my statement that when engaged in work I find it difficult to simulteneously perform a domestic favour for my husband. I smile and leave.

It's small, it's crap, it's nothing really but it's done now and if another woman says it to him he might just begin to wonder whether multi-tasking really is something that women have to do but he doesn't.

I don't wear a wedding ring (married 23 years)

I recently rang the National Trust to complain as I'm the person who signed us up, I'm the person whose bank account the dd comes out of and yet all correspondence is addressed to Mr Louiseaaa.

The man on the other end of the phone said that he had to speak to my husband to agree to change the primary contact and I said that I'd filled the form in and put myself as the primary contact some years ago and as I had to now consent to GDPR they could change it over. He started down the "I really have to speak to the primary account holder" I replied that they were perfectly happy to take my money so could they amend the records accordingly. It took some broken record technique, however we got there in the end.

For the record my husband was at home but I was damned if I was going to get his permission on a membership that I had signed us up for and paid for.

I don't let boys in my class talk over the girls. So many times I girl will be answering a question and a boy will ray to talk over her and jump in to complete her answer for her and I just tell them 'no So and so is speaking you wait.' I work with teenagers and the male privilege is sadly strong in some of them.

I also remove 'just' from emails and check whether an apology is legitimately required.
I use 'consider' rather than 'feel'
Don't move out of the way for men in the street
Seek to encourage and support more junior women at work.
Never offer drinks in meetings
Try to avoid the male default with animals and toys.
Used to change male characters to female when reading aloud.

Reading the thread and seeing how many of us do the latter makes me sad at how underrepresented females are in children's books.
Always use Ms but am annoyed at now starting to receive mail calling me Miss.

I don't laugh at sexist 'banter' or smile just a stoney face.

I recorded the message on our answerphone at home (remember them?). It says "Hello, this is the number for my name first and husband's name second, if you'd like to leave a message please do so after the tone".

God this thread is so inspiring.

I also don't wear a wedding ring and didn't change my name on marriage (neither did DP).

I refer to my partner as my "partner" not my "husband".

I love the animal female pronoun business- must try harder with that one

Thought of a couple more!
I never write a card to 'Mr & Mrs' I always swap it so I name the woman first and do the same when signing Xmas cards etc from DH and me. Or rather, me and DH.
I never insist DD is 'nice' and she has always been allowed to say no to hugging or touching. She has a very good instinct for her own boundaries and I don't ask her to compromise.

I do away with surnames and titles wherever possible. My kids are 12 and 10, both girls and they spot sexism before I do now and so do their friends which I find reassuring.

she has always been allowed to say no to hugging or touching.

That's one for boys too, of course.

Loving reading these and am definitely more inspired

louiseaaa a very similar thing happened to me with the AA! Except I don't even have a husband. I'd set up the account for myself and my partner but they didn't have his name as it was some sort of generic "plus one" account at the time. I ended up having to be ridiculously specific - "There. Is. No. Mister. Caoraich. Unless you mean my little brother, who drives a moped and lives somewhere in Bali...?"

I actually cancelled it in the end - and they sent my "why you no likey us no more?" survey email to me, addressed as "Mr"!! That was a fun one to fill out.

I find I'm frequently referred to casually as "Mrs Partnersurname" which we both always correct. However for quite a few things I've signed us up, e.g. window cleaner, and they then assume partner's surname is mine. He just goes along with it e.g. when the window cleaner greets him as "Mr CaoraichSurname" which I can never figure out should annoy me or please me.

I wanted a quote for some windows, they refused to come and give quote unless Husband was there, I have a partner not husband and told them not to bother

Errol
Totally, fundamental one for all children.

I regularly talk to DD (9)and DS (6)about the injustices in society. And give them relatable simplified examples of how they would feel if it happened to them eg. They both do the same job but DS gets more money because he's a boy. I secretly love seeing how riled up DD gets at it all. Secretly trying to ignite fire in her belly. And make DS empathetic too.
Also god in our house is a She. DD did this one. From about the age of 4 she spoke of god as a 'She'. I asked why she thought god was female. Her reply: Of course she is. I just know.
I never challenged it of course.
Until she got older and realised that people corrected her 😠 and told her she was wrong.

This is very interesting. I probably don't do enough but am pleased that some of things are how we organise our household. DH does the laundry, cooking, lots of household admin and is often rung first by schools/nursery as he works nearer to where we live. My dd's favourite teddy is a girl (although I think this is more to do with Peppa Pig having a female teddy than anything else!) and she has 'boys' toys as well as traditional girl ones. We never say that though, we just say toys. She also spent a great deal of her life wearing 'boys' clothes as a friend gave me lots. I think I will make more of an effort with this sort of thing from now on.

"Lets be as brave/strong/fast/clever as a princess" is such a regular feature in our house that DD (3) says it to DS (1) all the time. I love it and never correct it but am dreading the day she starts school and someone else explains that he's a boy and can't be a princess.

However I must be failing miserably on my plan to stop saying "good girl" because she also says that to him too!

I don't let boys in my class talk over the girls. So many times I girl will be answering a question and a boy will ray to talk over her and jump in to complete her answer for her and I just tell them 'no So and so is speaking you wait.' I work with teenagers and the male privilege is sadly strong in some of them.

Oh goodness this. Almost every day. It is so wearing.

I complement boys on their hair and outfit.

I complement girls on physical and academic things. Never ever clothing or prettiness. Even when stuck for conversation.

"Gosh, I haven't seen you for ages Maisy, what a big strong girl you are now!"

My DD is only 5 months old but when she is practicing trying to sit/learning to crawl I tell her she's a strong woman If I ever call her 'Princess' I say "Like Leia". Obviously she doesn't know what the eff I'm on about, it's more to get myself in the habit of using this kind of language. I'm also on the hunt for feminist kids stories for when she's a bit older.

I also had the double-glazing man asking "why isn't your husband here too? " situation some years back, so I phoned his boss to complain.

I was initially speechless, tbh. I'd thought we'd left that attitude back in the 70s.

I pulled my 6 yr old for saying 'fireman'. If she has a word like 'nurse' or 'doctor', I ask her if it's girl or a boy. Ds, 8, was aghast last year to see:'mazes for boys'. It was a proud moment.

Told my son a story about Princess Coco (from Bing) saving a prince from the tower and how she rides off into the sunset with him on the back of the horse.

I always use Ms. if it’s not an option, I’ll choose Mr.
I call all animals “she”.
If my dd wants to watch an animated movie on Netflix about a girl and gets upset that there’s no girl movies, I explain that most movies are made by boys so they forget about girls sometimes. Eg no main female characters in Ice Age. Until the 2nd movie when they needed a wife.
If I’m telling a story a princess always rescues a prince. If I’m reading a story I change all minor characters to female ( they are ALWAYS ALL male originally).

At work I always always find out and use women’s professional titles and use them properly.

Also with kids, female characters and animals. I try to encourage kindness and gentleness in boys and emotional discussion. I try to encourage girls to be adventurous and curious and funny to feel ‘in charge’ and lead the group or to ask for their ideas. I talk about my own work to them.

I also make a big deal telling any people-pleasing girls that ‘it doesn’t have to be perfect’, doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out, try again another time etc, failure not such a big deal.

Heavy emphasis for both sexes on feeling that it’s their body and nobody else can make them do something they don’t want to do with it.

In social situations I ask little girls that I don’t know well what they are reading or what games they like playing or what’s happening at school. Drives me nuts when adults always straight away comment on what little girls are wearing.

Tell the kids that people who say ‘it’s just for girls’ or ‘just for boys’ are silly- all toys, colours, etc are for everyone who likes them.

At work I try not to hide my opinions and to be as direct as I can. I work with a lot of senior blokes who massively coast and I am getting better at refusing to help. (Hard because i’m not as senior). But I know a woman in their shoes would never get so much slack). I mentor younger women.

I changed the use of ‘gender’ to the correct word, ‘sex’ on company policies

I try to remember to add my own name at the bottom of the document when I write something like a briefing at work. I noticed that male colleagues always do this on their work.

I pull up people around me when they say sexist stuff especially if it’s in front of kids.

I loathe being kissed on the cheek by men I consider acquaintances rather than close friends, so I try and pre-empt this by sticking out my hand to shake theirs instead.

Love this:
“Lets be as brave/strong/fast/clever as a princess"